Return to me
by WIWJ
Summary: "I'd worked so hard for that moment. The moment when I could show the world confidently I could walk again. And now he'd never see it. Because I'd gone from bed to wheelchair to crutches to the cane to walking..But now.. I ran..God help me.. I ran.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N : God! I need to start a new Thirdwatch story like I need a hole in my head!! But it started itself so here it is. **

**A from Faith's recovery. Before the phantom pain, the therapy.. and all that junk.**

* * *

My newly reclaimed feet buckled when I heard him.

"I know. I know Honey I miss you too." He sighed deeply. "What was I supposed to do? She was completely helpless Caroline, I've been with her for 16yrs. What kind of man would I be if I left her when she was in a wheelchair?

I talked to the lawyer again today. About the kids. He filed a temporary injunction. He said the judge would leave it up to them. Emily's sad, but she understands. Charlie just misses you."

I'd worked so hard. So hard for that moment. The moment when I could show the world confidently I could walk again.

And now he'd never see it.

Because I'd gone from the bed to the wheelchair to the crutches to the cane to walking..

But now.. I ran..

_God help me I ran._

* * *

_Five years later._

_(Staten Island side of the Verrazano Narrows Bridge)_

Getting pulled over was not the plan.

Getting off the bridge and off of that damn island was. At least it hadn't happened in Brooklyn, where the possibility of a cop knowing me was an actual possibility. I should have taken the long way. My ridiculous quest to get back to Maryland before tomorrow made me do the thing I swore I'd never do: return to New York City. That's how I ended up here on the damn Verrazano anyway. Speeding out of Brooklyn. Running once again from my old life, but now the red and blue lights make me numb.

For a second I squint at the small bag next to me. I know that my badge is in there somewhere, buried under years of accumulated stuff. I wonder if I flash it at the guy he'll give me a break.

I don't know how convincing it will be when I stop to blow the dust off. I'd like to pretend I don't know why I've kept it all these years, but I do.

I go pull out my license and registration when me my blackberry rings. I force it to my ear and continue to rummage.

"Not now Alan I'm getting pulled over." I quip.

"Told you to fly." Comes the tart reply.

"Come on, I can't be on the phone when the get up here, they hate that."

"You know, you only write about cops, E. You have no idea what they actually like and dislike."

"Later."

Usually comments like this only sting, but today it lights my stomach on fire. He's right I should have flown. Or at the very least, gone around NYC. I've never known anyone from the 122, so I have no name to drop to get me out faster.

I hear the cop tap the window and I roll it down with out glancing up.

"I'm looking for my stuff." My fingers brush up against my badge and I'm once again reminded of why I keep it.

The reason is the same every time I hold it in my hands and picture a certain pair of blue eyes.

"Jesus." As soon as I hear it the burning in my stomach turns into an icy foam. My hands still, forgetting their purpose as cool shock runs through me. I lift my head, my frustrated expression dropping. "Christ."

I turn and look into a certain pair of blue eyes.

"Faith?" I'm motionless, he squints his eyes like he's trying to be sure. For one insane second I think maybe my brown hair and tortoiseshell glasses will throw him. I hand him my license, as if to add more doubt, but his eyes slip closed when he sees the name and he sighs. "Get out of the car."

"Why?" I suddenly hope the slight accent I've acquired will quadruple. "Is there a problem officer?"

"Damn it Faith get out of the car." He pulls the lock up through the lowered window and swings the door open. He's reaching for my arm when he realizes his damn near elderly partner has gotten out and is clutching his sidearm. Bosco moves between the two of us, shielding me from the idea itself more than any actual danger, but his chest heaves all the same. The last time he saw me I was recovering from a gun shot wound. "Shit! Sam put the damn gun away!"

He turns back to me and pulls me reluctantly away from the car before giving me a long look. His hands rest lightly on my shoulders before traveling down my arms and up again, like he's checking me for injury. I guess finding none visible he impulsively pulls me to him. I feel the tremble that flows from top to bottom as he holds me and then it's over.

He pulls back dragging me to the passenger side of my jeep and hoists me inside. Before I could move, I hear the familiar click of nickel plated handcuffs doing what you buy them to do. I jerk my arm away only to wince as the round plates pull against the roll bar of the jeep.

"Boz what the hell?" He and I both flinch with the easy of my outburst, as if yesterday we spent the evening catching skells in the RMP.

"Insurance." He turns to his partner. "Sam I'm done for the day." He's yanking off his radio. "Tell Sarge I had an emergency." Sam regards me for a moment before shrugging and taking the walkie.

"Surething Maurice." He doesn't question, although I can tell he wants to. I don't snicker at the Maurice, even though I want to. He rounds the other side, jumping into my car before casting me another look of numb disbelief.

"You can't do this." I mutter.

"I just did."

"I could have screamed." I balk shaking my head at his stupidity with a yank on the cuffs. "I could have claimed you were kidnapping me."

"But you didn't." He's still breathing heavily and part of me wants to tell him to take little breaths like the therapist told him too.

"This isn't legal." I huff.

"Neither is faking your death." He whispers.

"I didn't fake my-." Even I know I don't deserve to be indignant.

"No. You just left us all to wonder." He snaps. "That's much better, you're right."

He goes back to his heavy breathing and the car goes back to it's silence. I for my part can't take my eyes off of him. He looks older, older than five years should make him and more than a little broken.

I wonder for a second who he pissed off to end up a traffic cop on Staten Island. He'd have had to go pretty high, like Police Commissioner, but hey with Bosco anythings possible. Hell, for all I knew about New York Politics, Cruz could have been Comish by now. My mind is playing out that scenario when he suddenly speaks again.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Where the hell are you taking me?"

"I looked everywhere.." He sucks in more air and I watch his fingers tighten on the wheel. "I wanna know where the hell you were."

"Maryland." I whisper, earning a glance from him before he sets his gaze back onto the road.

"My place." He says softly a few seconds later.

"What?"

"Where I'm taking you." He reminds. "My place." For one insane moment I want to tell him that Queens is back the other way, but instead I just let him drive down the coast until he takes the South Beach exit.

I know he feels my questioning glance, but he ignores it and I guess he has the right too.

When he pulls into the driveway of a small little house and I realize the possibility for the first time, Maurice Boscorelli could have a family. A wife, kids, a dog.

I stare at the house for a few seconds blinking at him.

"Wait here."

Before I can tell him how ridiculous that sounded to a woman handcuffed to the roll bar of her own jeep, he's in the yard on his phone, talking softly.

I wonder if he's telling his wife about me. I wonder if it's the first she's heard of me. I picture her inside making dinner with her preschool age daughter. The image makes me breath as quickly as Bosco had been.

He opens the door slowly, phone still pressed against his ear as he fishes out his handcuff key.

"Thanks Ma." The phone is clipped shut before I could say anything. Like 'Help Rose! He's got me cuffed to the car!" I doubt I would have anyway.

"Did you tell her?"

"That you were here? No."

"Thank you." I whisper.

"I didn't do it for you." He growls unlocking the cuffs. He watches me gather up my bag walks cautiously behind me to the house.

"I'm not gonna run Bosco."

"Forgive me for not trusting you,_ Emily. _Or would you prefer _Ms. Charles?"_ He sneers. I close my eyes when he says it, biting back the urge to ask about the real Emily and Charlie. I don't want to know how perfect there life is with Fred and the woman on the other end of the phone.

"I wanted to feel close to them." I whisper and he scoffs.

"No you didn't." His head shakes frantically. "If you wanted to feel close to them you'd have been close to them. Maryland is not close to them- Faith!" He spits out my name like it's an accusation itself, like he's daring me to try to pretend with him. When I don't he jerks the door open and shoves me inside.

We are not met with the wafting smell of homemade bread or Italian food being presisley prepared over a hot stove. Unstead he kicks a skateboard away from the door and moves a laundry basket off the couch before dropping me on it.

We stare at each other. His quick breathing starts again, but now he can pace, and pace he does. I watch.

"Boz sit down."

"Don't call me that." He warns, in his most threatening voice. I let him pace a few more times before he turns towards me with a shake of his head.

"Why?"

Ahh. The million dollar question. I part my lips to answer when my Blackberry rings from the spot where I've dropped my bag.

I make a move towards it and he ups the volume of his question.

"Why? I mean obviously you had access to a fucking phone Faith!" I jump when he kicks the coffee table. My Blackberry goes silent. "So why then? Why would you let me and everyone else go on thinking that you were dead in a shallow grave somewhere?"

Again my lips part and again a phone rings. It's his this time. He looks at the screen.

"You get to answer yours?" I mock. He violently holds up a hand.

"Don't say a God Damn word." He hisses. I know it's serious. He doesn't usually curse like this. A damn it here or a jack-off there, but fuck and God Damn are not his words. I watch as he takes a breath in an attempt to calm himself moving into the kitchen and what he thinks is out of my earshot.

"Hey Sweetie." My heart aches when he says this and for the life of me I don't know why. "No. No. Sweetie every things okay. I just want you to stay there for the night."

He closes his eyes when he lies to the woman I can only suspect is his wife. I creep closer to the kitchen, I can't help it.

"He'll be okay. Just keep the hall light on." The daughter I created for him in my head turns into a son with Bosco's unruly curls. "Put him on." He waits and I watch him press his lips together. "Hey Champ."

I picture a four year old with scrapped knees from attemts to ride the skateboard in the entryway.

"No I'm fine. Yes. I promise. I'll pick you up tomorrow. Okay put her back on." He runs his hands over his hair. "Don't be difficult." He tells his wife when she says what ever she says on the phone and I want to kick him for treating her like some petulant child. I taught him better than that. "It's about a case I'm working on. I'm going to be late tonight and I dont' want you two home alone." He drops his head to the ceiling. "I know you're capable but I want you to stay at my Mom's and that's the last word. Got it?" Last word? What kind of woman is he married too? "It's okay. I know. I'm fine Sweetie I promise. Love you too."

He hangs up the phone, jumping when he realizes how close I am.

"You didn't have to be an ass to your wife on my account." I tell him coolly.

"My what?" He scrunches up his face.

"Wife."

"What wife?" He shakes his head at me like I'm stupid and turns back to the fridge pulling out a beer with out offering me one.

"Jeez Bosco you knocked up some dumb girl and you didn't even marry her?" I snip.

"There is no wife and I didn't knock anybody up." He shouts back.

"Then who are Sweetie and the Champ?" Even in my head I sound cruel.

"How 'bout we worry about what you actually did instead of what you think I did?"

"All I did was speed over a bridge." I yell.

"Abandoned your kids. Made me think you were dead. Made half the police force spend hours of time and money looking for you, changed your name and never looked back and.. oh! yeah.. Sped over a bridge!" He yelled before storming past me back into the living room. "Your damn bags ringing again!"

I manage to put up my arms before my bag hits me in the face and he storms out of the house.

"Did you get a ticket?" My publisher asks as I shakily say hello.

"No." I whisper.

"Talk your way out of it? What was the guy a fan?"

"Something like that."

"What's wrong now?"

"Nothing." I lie, moving around theliving room. There are pictures of Charlie and Emily on the mantle. Little league and dance, birthdays and Christmas. I start to shake as I look into my daughters eyes. She's laughing at the camera. Tears slip down my cheeks as I grasp a silver framed picture of my son in a white suite. First communion? I wonder, looking at Rose standing behind him beaming from ear to ear. I'm trying to fathom Fred letting Bosco and his mother back into my children's lives when I hear Alan's voice.

"E? Are you there?"

"Yeah.." I say faintly. "I'm just tired." I press my lips together to keep from sobbing. "I think I'm going to stop for the night. Take a few days to get there. I don't know why I was so damn impatient anyway."

"You should have flown. "

"Probably." I stop on a gold placard engraved with 'Worlds Greatest Dad.' So much for not impregnating anyone. "Alan, I gotta go. I toss the door open to find him sitting on the porch face in his hands.

"Why'd you come back?" He asks softly.

"You handcuffed me to the-."

"To New York."

"I was in Connecticut on business." I tell him, sinking down next to him on the steps. He snorts before nodding.

"You must be doing okay." He taunts, chucking at finger at my Blackberry. Or maybe it's my clothes, or purse or shoes.

"You bought a house on Staten Island you must be doing okay."

"Back-stoppers." He mutters.

"What?"

"Back-stoppers bought the-." He shakes his head. "I had to get the kids out of the city."

"Ah.. The kids." I hand him the placard. He looks at it in confusion. "And their mother who you didn't impregnate?"

He blinks at me for a second before giving me the sour milk face.

"I'm sorry Faith but I think if I'd impregnated you twice I'd remember."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, so I know Em would have to be like twenty at the best by now.. but hey Wells aged her I can un-age her.. right? Anyway, she's seventeen. All you time line freaktoids can deal.**

**Love ya, **

**Lori**

* * *

I blink at him for a few minutes, watching him struggle with the desire to yell at me. He's been doing it from the moment he realized it was me and except for a few unavoidable outbursts, he's been successful. Probably stems from being a parent. To _my_ children, I remind myself gently before going back to blinking at him.

"How?"

"What do you mean _how_? There wasn't anyone else." He looks at me with a look anyone else would think was disgust. I realize it for what it is, pain.

"What about Fred?" I ask like a stupid person.

"Fred's dead." Bosco says like I'm a stupid person. The word drops off his tongue like he's said the sky is blue. I feel a wave of stunned grief hit me.

"Oh my God." I whisper.

"So, what you care now?" The heavy breathing is back.

"He _was_ my husband." I stress the word was. Bosco notices.

"He's been dead for four years and you didn't even know." He shakes his head at me. "You don't get to act like you care."

It sounds so simple when Bosco says it. So reasonable. I don't _get_ to care.

"How?"

"Heart Attack." Again, like he's saying the grass is green.

"How long after?"

"After you left?" The word left sounds like he's saying 'murdered my entire family'. I nod. "Five months and three days."

"What Bosco? No hours?" He swallows hard looking at his folded hands.

"I don't know the exact moment Fred died." From his soft tone I realize he does, however, know the exact time of my departure. "Just when your daughter called me in hysterics. So lets say 6 hours and twelve minutes."

"I'm glad you were there for her." I whisper.

"I don't care if you're glad." He whispers.

"Then why am I here Bosco? Why did you handcuff me to the car?" I sound far more pleading than I thought I would. I know what I want him to say, and I know he'll never say what I need him to. He's silent, and I know he's weighing his pride against his emotions. He swallows, holding his throat tight and I know he's made up his mind.

"You're right." He drops my keys on my lap and walks back in the house. "Have a nice life _Emily_."

I don't know why I'm still sitting there when he swings the door back open and starts out of the house. He oviously doesn't know either when he almost trips over me.

"Damn." He mutters dropping his head towards the ground before walking back inside. He returns with a jacket, dropping it onto my shoulders. I snuggle into it, suddenly realizing how cold I am. I expect some comment about my still being here, instead he drops down beside me. "I've got to go in." He tells me. "Explain why I walked off the job today."

"Are you going to get in trouble?"

"Probably not. My Lieu's pretty sympathetic to the single father thing."

"He's not the 'bust your ass' type?"

"No **she's** not." He smiles at me and I want to cry again. "She reminds me of someone I thought I knew."

"I'd say I was sorry if I thought you'd believe me." I whisper, feeling the tears well up in my eyes. He nods, gulping back his own emotion.

"I wish I could believe you." He stood up and started towards the road as a cab pulled up. "If you're staying you should go inside. It's getting cold."

I watch him go, hoping he'd look back and crying out loud when he doesn't. I slip back inside, moving slowly from the living room to the hall. There is a sign on the door of the first bedroom that says _The Princess Is_ with a scepter in the middle pointed at _Out._My eyes are still blurry as I push the door open and look around the room of my seventeen year old daughter. She has everything I could never give her five years ago and it turns my sniffs into sobs. The white spindle furniture looks both adult and childlike the bright pink laptop sits abandoned on her desk next to one of those fancy ipod things. I spend a second thinking about the songs my daughter may have chosen. I wonder if Bosco has parental blocks on her Internet account or if he puts a limit on the time she's allowed on-line. I want to argue to myself that he doesn't, but something about how he called my daughter Sweetie on the phone, and how he wanted to protect them from me won't let me. He probably does. He's probably far more cautious with her than Fred and I ever were. I run my eyes over the frames stunned by the photos of her and my partner.

He's hugging her, arms wrapped securly around her uniformed body, it looks like soccer, maybe basketball. His hand is tight against her ponytailed head, holding her close and she grins.

He's beside her, teary eyed, grinning at her simple blue prom dress.

He's handing her roses, in a pink tutu like frock.

I wonder when she went back to ballet, remembering clearly the day she came home and announced she was never going back. It was before Eric and drugs and sex. I wonder what kind of girl she is with Bosco as her father. I notice one picture from before my departure. I'm standing behind her and Charlie, the wind blowing my hair. Propped against the photo is a prayer card, I flip it over and find Fred's name. Tracing over it with my finger before setting it back and starting out the door.

Charlie's room, his own room, separate of his sister for the first time in his life, is simple. Big cut outs of athletes cover his walls and a street sign proclaiming the corner of King and Arther, beneath it is a replica of the crest of the 55. I move my fingers to it and run my tips over the carving.

I am a fixture in my son's room, as is his father. Pictures cover the bullitin board, scattered with pictures of Bosco coaching softball and Bosco standing beside my son at a father son event. Charlie looks strong. Confident. He looks like Bosco.

It's the last room that brings me to my knees. It's the last room where I want to go back and make everything different. It's Bosco's room that proves my very undoing. A small wooden desk is pushed back into an alcove, the three surrounding walls are covered with news articles on my disappearance, the search, the cop that seemingly vanished on the cover of every paper in the city. I see Swertsky at a podium, Bosco behind him. If I thought he looked broken now, I was wrong. This picture is a broken man, devastated by the unthinkable.

I read the articles for the first time.

_"Please. She's hurt." Yokas' partner whispers when asked for comment. "She's got two kids she'd do anything for. I know her and I know she wouldn't leave them without a fight." The tough guy image drops away from Officer Boscorelli as he covers his face from view as he starts to cry. "Please someone. If you saw anything-. Please."_

_"Missing cop's husband dies."_

_"Missing NYPD Officer Declared Dead." _

_"If she was out there she'd have found away back to us by now." Her partner Maurice Boscorelli, sits on his sofa holding the hand of his partner's 14 year old daughter who he is now raising. His eyes are rimmed in red as he struggles to continue. In the room behind them, his mother sits doing homework with Yokas' nine year old son. He glances back before whispering. "We never wanted it to come to this. We still want to bring her home. We're still asking for help."_

_And people have helped. Back-stoppers, an organization for families of police officers who have lost their lives, have helped Boscorelli and his new family relocate to a suburban area. _

_"These kids needed a new start." Hal Munson of New York area Backstoppers explains. "Officer Boscorelli is a treasured memeber of the NYPD as was his partner and he needs all of our support. We knew that this house was the way to go." _

I walk away when my eyes fall on a picture of he and I on the hood of 55-David. I suddenly want to vomit. I left him and he searched for me. I left my children and he went back for them. I thought so little of Faith Yokas that I killed her, but he never stopped believing in her

I drop to his bed, mopping my eyes with a towel tossed across the pillows. When I'm finished sobbing I notice what was under the towel. It's a blue covered hardback that I could reconstruct by memory. Because I wrote it. On my partners bed is a copy of **10-13 **by Emily Charles.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I didn't want to switch to Bosco's POV. I didn't but he made me. He's a man who must be listened to.. but I'm a girl who must have parallels. So I told him he has to do two chaps to make it even. He says he will.. I'm not sure I trust him. This chapter is really rough. Sorry.**

**We'll all see. **

**Lori**

* * *

She didn't hear me come in, her police instincts must be dull from years of her wasting it.

Her sitting on my bed with her legs tucked under her stirs stuff up in me that I don't wanna feel. She's still Faith, but at the same time she's not. I can't count the number of times I've wanted this. To come home and find her curled up in my bed just reading a damn book .

Ironic that it's seeing her with the damn books is the thing that ticks me off. She's got the fucking things spread out around her like decoration.

"You're good at it." My voice sounds gruff even to me and she jumps when she hears it, the book slams shut with a clap.

"Good at what?" She's afraid to ask. I know it should bother me, but it doesn't. Good. Be afraid of me.

"Writing." I say like she's a total idiot.

"You have all of them." She says sweetly like she's touched by this. She keeps looking after I swing my gaze to the wall.

"Yup." My hands rake through my hair. "Big Fan."

"Boz.."

"I said don't call me that." I never though I'd here her say that again. I used to hear it in my sleep, now it makes me feel vaguely nauseous.

"What you want me to call you Maurice?" Her tone is playfully sarcastic.

"I wanted you to call me once in the last five years." Take that.

She takes a long breath before tracing her hand over the cover of one of the books.

"There's so much of us in here. I can't believe you didn't know." My head fogs up for a minute, I can't believe she just fucking said that.

I push off the door way and walk towards her with a sick grin on my face as I pick up the first book.

"This one?" I whisper, my voice coming out in an almost squeak, she pulls back, knowing that tone and what it means. "I would sit in my car so Emily and Charlie wouldn't hear me cry like a pussy." Her eyes soften for a second and I swallow. "I wanted to forget it existed but those stupid characters talking in the damn RMP made me feel like you were this close." I pinch my fingers close to each other, looking at her face through them. "This one?" I grab another. "During the fight between Jack and Mary-Alice I literally yelled at him to listen to her because I knew I should have listened more. This one? This one, I remember thinking 'God Faith would love this book.' I got caught reading it on the job, I got written up." I laugh now and she jumps. "Oh and this one." I grab **10-13** out of her hands and touch it reverently. "My Ma got me this one. It's signed, did you see that?" Her lip quivers when I open the cover and show her what is apparently now her signature. "She got it on E-bay." I look at it again. "You actually touched this."

"Boz-."

"Don't!" She crying now, the hesitant tough girl cry where the tears are silently running down the edges of her face. "While I was still spending my time searching for you, when I was still trying to figure out what the hell happened to you, while I was declaring you dead, while I was staying up night comforting Charlie when he woke up from nightmares about his mother being killed in some alley somewhere-!" I stop because I can't breathe. I wait out the burning pain in my chest while squeaking out my punch line. "While I was struggling through my day. You were signing the book my mother would buy me on e-bay."

"Bosco take little breaths." She coaches slowly.

"Shut the hell up!" I scream over my burning lungs flinging the book across the room. She ducked when I rose my arm and it makes my heart clench. I catch her wide eyes as she watches me take the breathes she instructed before backing up towards the kitchen.

I have a bottle of scotch in the back of my top cabinet with a post-it note on it. _It won't bring her back. _Emily stuck it there four years ago. Two weeks after they'd come to live with me at my Ma's. I guess when you watch one caregiver drink himself into a stupor before keeling over dead you want to protect the new one. It worked. I never touched the damn stuff since. I'd always ask if it was the scotch I wanted or if I just wanted Faith. Today, I want the fucking scotch.

My hand shakes as I pour. I can hear her following me.

"I'm sorry." She whispers, she's too close and brace myself in case she touches me. I don't know if I'm relieved or disappointed when she doesn't. "Boz..co."

I snort when she does this, wincing as the scotch goes down wrong.

"You remember the last thing you said to me?" I barely hear myself, but the way her gaze shoots up when I finish lets me know she did. She shakes her head. "Get out." I whisper. "For five years that's what I've had." Looking in her eyes hurts. "Tell me Faith. Did you think of that? Even once did you think of that?"

"No." She whispered softly. I close my mouth, nodding slowly.

"For five years, I've waited for the day when someone would knock on the door and tell me they found your body. 'Cause I knew that if you were out there you would have found your way back to us. You'd have fought with everything you had to come home to Em and Charlie." My voice breaks, even I can't believe what I'm about to say. "I never thought that there would come a day when I was disappointed you were alive."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Here we go.**

* * *

I'd retreated to the bedroom after my outburst. Not wanting to discuss what I just said. Now I'm laying on my bed starring at the four books that have gotten me through the last five years. She's right I should have known, we are held in between the covers of every one of them. I ripped the paper cover of the one I threw, the best one. I smooth my finger over the tear.

The reality of my disappointment of her non death hit both of us at the same moment. I'd just told my best friend I wished she was dead and meant it. We'd just stared at each other. Stuck. Like we'd been almost six years ago when she'd told me to get out. I shouldn't have brought her here. I should have written Emily Charles a ticket and sent her back to her book writing life in Maryland.

It's the sound of her stupid phone thingy that brings me back to reality I crack open the door so I can hear her.

"I don't know Alan." She whispers, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. "I said I don't know. Alan I'll come back when I come back!" I watch her violently toss thing back into her bag.

"Friend of yours." Her body does this little jump thingy when I start talking. "Damn Yokas. You're rusty A whole bus load of 2-9ers cold walk in here and steal my stero and you wouldn't notice."

"So you're speaking to me now."

"I'm not the one who stopped speaking Faith." She closes her eyes and I watch the tears slide from the corners. I used to hate it when she cried, now it's oddly satisfying.

"If you want me to explain-."

"I don't." I cut in roughly. " I don't want a list of reasons why you thought it was okay to do what you did."

"I didn't know about Fred."

"I don't give a damn about Fred."

"I.. I would have been here, for the kids."

"They didn't need you." I feel my shoulders square. "They had me."

"They never did." She whispers so softly I can't really hear her.

"What are you talking about?"

"They never needed me at all."

"They needed who you used to be." I practically spit at her. "Not the woman who walked out on them with out looking back. That's who they could live with out. But don't pretend that they didn't need a mother."

"What about Fred's little side job, huh? What happend to her?" This anger is the first real emotion I've seen from her.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I toss my hands up in the air.

"He was having an affair. He was going to take my kids away from me." She looks at me like I'm stupid, and it feels familiar. "I heard him on the phone."

"When?"

"The day I left."

"You left because of something you heard Fred say on the phone?" I cannot believe how stupid that sounds. I feel like I wanna break something when I see the crestfallen look on her face. "You left- your kids, your job, me, new york.." I swallow hard when she looks away. ".. because of something you heard Fred say on the phone."

"I-." She presses her hands against her face, pushing hard. Her elbows tremble and it takes all I have not to smack her arms down.

"You're staying?" I wager a guess based on the phone call I just over heard.

"What?" Her voice is so soft I can't help but close my eyes. I drop onto the coffee table in front of her, keeping a safe distance.

"Are. You. Staying?" I don't mean to sound as gentle as I do and I have to look away from her hopeful eyes when they meet mine.

"I.. I don't know what else to do. I can't really go back now.. with.. everything." She tells me honestly.

"Then we have to talk about the kids." I force the words out looking down.

"The kids?"

"Yes. What are your intentions?" I'm begging she's been gone to long to tell I'm faking my bravery.

"My intentions?" She squints her eyes at me.

"Yeah, your intentions. Do I need to get a jack-off lawyer or-?" I end the sentence with a shrug.

"Lawyer?" I meet her eyes when she says this

"I will not let you screw up the life I have fought so hard to give them." That is the one thing that I know. She waits, looking at my serious expression before taking a short breath.

"Is there room for me in that life?" She blinks at me and I almost cave. I almost forget the last five years. I pull my eyes back quickly.

"You're still there mother." I pull myself away from her, moving back towards the safty of the kitchen.

"You think they'll feel that way?"

"I think they won't be as forgiving as I am." I snort.

"When can we tell them?"

"We?"' I shake my head. "There is no we."

"Bosco-."

"I'll tell them." God help me. "You stay the hell out of it until they're ready."

I don't expect her to nod, I must look surprised when she does because she smiles a little.

"You know them better than me." She whispers.

"They miss you." I didn't mean to say that out loud.

"I missed them." She smiles again before gazing back at me. "What about you Bosco?"

"What about me?" Her smile is dangerous. I watch her warily.

"Did you miss me?"

"Did you miss command central in my bedroom?" I snap. "I tore the damn city apart looking-"

"That's not the same thing."

"It is for me and you know it."

"Did you miss me."

"Faith.." I toss my hands up in the air. "I started missing you about two minutes after 'Get Out'." I let my hands clap against the sides of my thighs."Hell probably before that. I was crazy with out you. I could breathe-" I force my mouth closed looking at her and shaking my head. "I'll never forgive you for this. Never."

I'm retreating back to the saftey of my bedroom when she says it, so I know she thinks I missed it. But I didn't. It burns onto my brain like a CD track I will put on repeat for hours after as I sit at the end of the bed trying to comprehend it.

"I missed you too, Boz."


	5. Chapter 5

"You can wait in here." He points to a chair in a small room outside the office. He looks around before he knocks on the door. He didn't even want me to come in. I refused to wait in the car.

"Lieu?" He calls softly cracking the door.

"Hey." The soft female voice sounds a little too familiar. "I thought you took the week?"

He took a week off? News to me, sexy voice Lieutenant.

"I did. I just wanted to-." He clears his throat. "You got a minute?"

"Yeah." She says a little too quickly.

"I um.. Katie, I need to talk.."

Katie? Talk? Are you freaking kidding me?

"Sit down."

He pushes the door back in an attempt to close it, thankfully it swings back open just enough for me to see him flop down on the leather couch.

"I'm guessing it's not going well?"She sounds so damn gentle, like he's going to break.

"We're going to talk to the kids today."

"What are you going to tell them?" I wonder how well Katie knows my children.

"I don't know." He rubs his face. "Hey guys turns out your mom's alive! She just ran out on us five years ago."

"You might not wanna go that way." She's smiling I can hear it.

"How can I help them move forward and forgive her when I can't ever see myself doing it."

"This was your dream, B."

B? She did not just cal him-! What the hell?! He's sleeping with his Lieutenant.

"My dream, was her locked in some rat infested basement somewhere chewing through ropes." He says quickly his voice muted by his hands.

"Yeah. That's much more pleasent then the nightmare she's been living."

"You know what I mean."

"I know you've been waiting five years for this and you're blowing it."

"She's been fine, Katie. Fine." His words sit in the middle of the room. "I've been out of my mind and she's-." He sighs, and I move closer to the door. "Last night, I had a dream she was dead on the floor of my living room. When I woke up I just stood in the doorway of my bedroom watching her sleep. I just wanted.." The pained look on his face is what makes me gasp. For a second I think Lieutenant Katie has discovered me. "God Katie I couldn't take my eyes off of her."

"Do you remember our first date?" I hate Lieutenant Katie.

"If I didn't I'd have the hundred times you've reminded me since." He sniffs.

"You spent the whole night talking about her."

"You asked."

"That's before I knew you were in love with her." I love with-? Wha?

"Kathleen." His voice was hushed.

"I thought she was like a sister." So did I.

"Can we do this another time? I'm in crisis."

"Tell her."

"I can't."

"You've spent the last five years wishing you could tell her. So tell her."

"I though she was dead." He whispers. "And she was in Maryland."

"You gotta get past that." Katie whispers now too. "If not for you than for the kids."

"That's why I'm here _Lieutenant. _I don't know how."

"Yes you do, Stupid" She laughs. I love Lieutenant Katie, even though she currently has a hand on each of Bosco's cheeks. "Tell her. Now get out, I gotta work."

I'm back in my chair when he walks out the door only to pass me by.

"Hello?" I call.

"I'll be right back." He growls.

"You get all that?" I turn to look at Bosco's CO.

"Excuse me?" I say softly.

"I tried to talk loud." She narrows her eyes at me. "You look like Emily."

"Yeah?" I sound totally pathetic.

"Hurt him again and I'll kick your ass." She quips before disappearing into her office and closing the door behind her.

"Let's go." Bosco calls from behind me as he busts through another door.

"You forgot to tell me you were screwing her."

"Huh?" He shakes his head. There is something oddly familiar about leaving a station house with him. Even after all this time.

"You're 'sympathedic to the single father' boss."

"I'm not screwing her."

"Oh please Bosco I saw her she's hot." He holds the door for me out of habit.

"We went on two dates when she was a Sargent."

"Only two dates? What did you do?" He yanks my car door open before rolling his eyes and climbing in on his side.

"Apparently talking about my dead partner wasn't a big turn on." He mutters pulling the car out of the parking lot. I let him sit in silence for a few minutes.

"I'm not looking forward to going to back to Queens." I breathe.

"Good for you, my mom lives in Great Kills."

"She moved?" No way, not Rose.

"She wanted to be close, to help out with the kids." He looks out the window. "She loves those kids."

"Who'd you piss off to get out here Bosco?" I ask suddenly.

"Apparently you." His tone makes me cold. He waits, letting it set in. "I moved out here to give them a fresh start. 'Sides, they needed to know that I wasn't going to work to get shot at all the time."

I bite back the urdge to thank him for doing what I never could, sacrificing my job so my kids would have an easier life.

"This is it." He whispers pulling into the driveway of a little white house.

"What are you going to say to them?" I ask meekly.

"I have no idea." He huffs pulling himself out of the car.

"Ma." He whispers as he slips into the kitchen, Rose gets up from the table and meets him there. "Where are they?"

"In the basement doin' their homework." She tells him as he pulls me into the room. Her face immediately lights up. "Oh Faith! Sweetheart I couldn't hardly believe him when he told me." She pulls me to her, clutching me tightly. It's both unnerving and wonderful. I sigh and let myself sink into her arms. "We prayed for this."

I let my eye slip open and find Bosco's starring back at me. I suddenly know just the look he had on his face when he was staring at me last night. He looks towards what I can only assume is the basement door before touching his mother's arm and giving me a sharp look.

"Stay here." He pulls the door open and heads down the steps. Rose pulls me to them, sitting on the top one. I join her hesitantly. The reality that my children are so close has made me feel vaguely numb.

"Dad." Charile's voice surprises me almost as much as his greeting.

"Hi Buddy."

"What's wrong?" My daughter always the pesimist.

"Emmy.."

"Did something happen to Sully or Ty?" Charlie asks. For the first time Sullivan and Davis pop into my head.

"No." He tells him softly.

"It's Katie isn't it?"

"No Emmy Katie's fine." He assures her. "Let's sit down."

"Sit down?"

"Yes sit." His voice is even, melodic even. Rose holds my hand tightly. "The case I had to work on was about your mom."

"Someone found her." Emily's voice leaves no question to what she thinks they would have found. He must nod because she chokes out a little sound before she continues. "Where?"

"Em, your mom's alive."

"She's-?"

"Mom's alive?" Charlie's words sputter out over hers. "She's alive?"

A chair screeches.

"Son sit down." Bosco orders his voice still calm.

"I want to go to the hospital and see Mom!" My child screeches.

"Is she okay?" My daughter asks.

"She's fine."

"Fine?" Emily's voice is suddenly cautious.

"She's not hurt."

"How's that-?"

"You're mom's been living in Maryland."

"What are you saying she had amnesia or something?" Her voice is almost desperate for that to be true. My daughter has figured it all out before Bosco has a chance to explain. "She didn't just leave."

"What's amnesia?" Charlie questions.

"It's when you loose your memory." He tells him. "And no. She didn't have ameniesa."

"She just fucking left us then?" Emily breaths out the curse with such ease.

"Emily Jane." He scolds. Rose re-grips my hand.

"No seriously she just-?"

"She wouldn't do that." Charlie insists with an innocence I'm about to kill. "Why would she-?"

"Does she know about our Dad?"

"Yes. I told her." He explains. "She didn't know before then."

"This is fucking ridiculous!" Emily growls.

"Emmy!" Bosco calls after her.

"Why would she leave?" Charlie whispers.

"Who gives a crap."

"Emily."

"What you're going to defend her." I can tell she's coming closer. Rose scrambles to her feet and goes down a couple steps.

"Emily she's your mother."

"Do we have to live with her?" Charlie squeaks.

"What?" The anger is gone from my daughters voice.

"She's our mother." He whisperers. "Do we have to go to Maryland?"

"Bosco?" Her bewildered whisper hurts. "She.. she can't take us can she?"

"Dad?"

"Hey. Don't cry. Em. Don't cry." He sooths softly. "I'm not going to let anyone take you anywhere. Charlie? You listen to me. No one is taking you anywhere."

"Then what?"

"Your mom's staying with us for now." He says softly. "We're gonna spend a lot of time talking. We're going to figure it out."

"Why did she come back?"

"What?" He tries to sound aloof.

"Mom. You didn't say why?"

"Em."

"You found her didn't you?"

"I pulled her over in a traffic stop." He whispers reluctantly.

"Why was she on the island?"

"Em."

"Was she looking for us?" She says determinedly.

"Emily some of these questions have to go to your mom."

"She's at the house?" Confrontation is thick in her tone.

"She's upstairs." Bosco tells them softly.

"Mom's upstairs?" Charlie whispers.

"She sent you down here to what break the ice?" She practically yells at him.

"I came down here to talk to my children." He raises his voice to match hers.

"I want to talk to her." She says suddenly, pushing past him and charging up the steps. "I wanna here what the hell was so damn wonderful she decided to stay away from her own-." She stops talking when she sees me, her face paling until I'm sure she's about to faint.

"Em-ly." I whsiper watching her hand reach out and grasp Rose's. My mouth twists into a smile. "You cut your hair."

She swallows hard before squaring her shoulders.

"Like twenty times Mom." Her face is stony now. "It's been five years."

"How 'bout we get off the stairs, Em?" Bosco whispers as my smile fades away. I glance down at him, his hand firmly on Charlie's shoulder as he backs up into him. I look at my son and he turns his face into my partner's side. Bosco smooths his hand down his hair. "Come on Champ."

* * *

"I should have stayed with your mom." I whisper into the silent car. "Let them come home."

"They wanted to stay there." He whispers back. "They do that a lot on the weekends."

"I feel like I chased them away." I wave my hands in front of my face.

"I think Charlie feels the same way." He snips, shooting me a look.

"Do you think I don't feel horrible enough Bosco?" I bite. "Do you honestly think that was pleasant for me?"

"Do you honestly think I care if it was _pleasant_ for **you**?"

"Sorry I forgot you wish I was dead on the floor of some rat infested hell hole as long as I died trying to claw my way back to you.." I shout. His head snaps around and the startled look on his face makes my chest heave. He blinks at me for a second before nodding his head slowly and looking back out at the road.


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

**Thanks to SirenJunkie.**

**I needed to play 20 questions with them.**

* * *

"Faith?"

The softness of his voice is what wakes me. It's not the hard tone he's been using with me since I got back. His bed smells like him when I pull the covers back and wander into the hall.

When I told him yesterday I'd sleep in one of the kids rooms he'd shook his head and told me I could have his. The tough protection of my children's privacy struck me. I know he'd be angry if I told him I'd already gone snooping when he was out. I've already seen the pictures and paraphernalia from their new life.

He whispers my name again and I open the door just as he gasps, his eyes flipping open. I watch as he rubs his face the way he does when he's trying to get himself under control. So much for his killer instincts. I'm about to make some comment about the 2-9ers and his stereo when he starts talking again.

"Maybe it's the room." He says softly.

"What?"

"Charlie... has nightmares." He explains reluctantly.

"You okay?" He's still half asleep and I'm not a complete idiot. I know this is a window that won't come again.

"Nope." He tells me honestly as I sit down carefully on the edge of the bed.

"What can I do?" I whisper.

"Faith.." His eyes slip closed and he swallows painfully. He calls my name like he did in his nightmare. I can't help it, I reach out and smooth my fingertips down from his temple until my thumb falls lightly against his cheek. His eyes clamp shut as he presses his lips together and tries to swallow a sob.

"Tell me what to do." I take a staggered breath, my voice goes hoarse with tears. "All I can say is I'm sorry and you already said you can't forgive me. Bosco, tell me what to do."

He takes my hand from his face tenderly, stroking the inside of my wrist before placing it gently on the bed.

"I can't tell you that." He shakes his head.

"How did we get past stuff in the past?" I shake my head now too, trying to remember.

"Near death experiences." He whispers.

"What?"

"That's how." He turns his face towards me. "Near death experiences. Think about it Faith. Times we were at each others throat one of us would almost die. We'd realize the idea of facing the streets alone sucked."

"It's that simple huh?" My lips twitch.

"Until I fucked it up." He shrugs his shoulder at me.

"_You_ fucked it up?"

"Yes." He moves his hands to his face again to scrub my sincerity out of his mind. That's when the blanket slips and I see the dark angry line.

"What happened to you?" I whisper accusingly, my fingers drawn to the scarred skin. He hisses at my touch and my hand jumps back for just a second before I lay my palm against his chest.

"Nothing."

"Bosco that's not nothing." My voice is loud and he winces. "That's a surgical scar."

I know something about surgical scars, Fred's were in the same damn place.

"I took a hit." He says calmly. "A long time ago."

"You didn't have a vest on?" I shout back at him, the panic in my voice surprising even me.

"I was off duty." He looks at me intently.

"Excuse me?" I whisper and his eyes slip from mine.

"It's a long story." He watches my thumb stroke against his chest intently.

"I'm not going anywhere." I shake my head.

"Promise?" The strange combination of accusation and fear in his voice takes my breath away. We stare at each other for longer than comfortable.

"I'm here aren't I?" I manage to breathe. "I could have left and I didn't." I move my other hand from his side and wipe away a stray tear. "Boz please talk to me." I watch him weigh this cautiously in his mind, his gaze traveling back to his chest before he takes my hand . I wait for him to let it go but he doesn't, my eyes follow his thumb across my nails.

"Cruz thought Mikey killed a cop from her team. I was trying to bring him in, Cruz and anti-crime showed up." He shrugs like this is no big deal. I can feel my breath quickening though, like I know what's coming next.

"She shot you?"

"She shot Mikey." He whispers. "I just got in the way."

"I.." I shake my head. "What did sh-?"

"They killed him. Shot him in the head while I was laying on the ground bleeding to death." He broke eye contact half way through the story and I'm glad. I'm not sure I could stand to see the look on his face.

"Mikey's dead?" He lets his eyes scrunch shut. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It happened four years ago." He scoffs, his shoulder shaking up revealing more of the scar. My fingers pull from his and go back to it following it down the length of his chest to where it finally stops just above his belly button. He gasps again, his hand stilling mine. My gaze shoots back to him. "Faith.." He brings up his free hand and wipes the sudden tears off my cheek. "It wasn't that bad." I gape at him in irritation. "I was only in the hospital for five days."

"She shot you." I accuse. **No big deal** my ass.

"Yoshi shot me. She shot my brother." I feel his chest rise and fall as he swallows.

"What about-?"

"She's dead." He tells me quickly. "Jerry turned her in. She went to Rikers, she was dead before the end of the week."

"Jerry was there?" I shake my head. Jerry was a good guy, probably the only one I liked on Anti-crime.

"Saved my life." He whispers gratefully as it all starts to hit me. "He's the reason I came home to the kids."

"Where the hell was I?" I don't even realize what I've said until I see the flicker in his eyes. "You got-." My eyes go back to his chest and the angry red line. "Where the hell was I?"

"Faith.. I didn't-."

"I know. You didn't need me." I shake my head at him frantically. "You don't need me now. You never-."

"I needed you." His voice is heavy. The rise and fall of his chest quickens under my hand as I freeze. "God Faith." He closes his eyes slowly. "You know I'd never rode in an ambulance without you before that day?"

"Were you scared?" The side of my mouth twitched a little.

"Terrified." He grinned back at me, my bottom lip starts to tremble and he winces, reaching up and touching my face.

"I never thought about it." I confess, sniffing. "I never thought about leaving you because I thought you'd already left me."

"I tried to come back.."

"After my near death experience?" I smile through my blurry eyes, and he nods. "I'm sorry Bosco I really am."

"I believe you." He says softly, his hand coming back to cover mine. We stare at each other for longer than comfortable, my fingers grazing his abs in short strokes.

"It doesn't mean I didn't think about you." I choke out. He needs to know how I feel. I suddenly wish Lieutenant Katie was here and we could set up some elaborate eavesdropping scenario. His fingers trace across the inside of my wrist and I decide that the Lieu might crowd the place up again. "I did."

"I know." He whispers, giving my puzzled look a quirky smile. "I've read your books." He wants to make me feel better, but instead I feel like a trader. I ran off to the woods to write about him. About us. While he stayed back and lived out my life. "It's ironic really." I'm about to say that I'm surprised he knows what ironic means when he stops playing with my wrist and takes my hand in his. "Those books kept me sane. The helped me keep it together. You were taking care of me even if you didn't know it."

That's what makes me loose it. He looks genuinely startled when I start to sob.

"Don't do that." He says softly, I can feel him move to sit up from underneath my hand. His arms come around me shushing me calmly. "Faith don't cry." He sighs softly. "Faith.."

"Say it again." The reality of the last two days seem to crash down around me, making the last five years nonexistent. I ran away, like a child. I ran away from my life. "Please say it again."

"Say what?" He whispers, lifting my sobbing wet face to his. He pushes back my hair swallowing hard when he gets a good look at me.

"Faith." I don't know how long it's been since I've said my own name. I'm still not used to hearing it and I'm not used to needing him to say it.

"Faith." He whispers at me and I nod, watching him nod back.

"I-." I stop to breath. "I am so sorry."

"I believe you."

"I'm sorry about Mikey." I remember, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. He sniffs lifting his lips up to my forehead. "And you didn't fuck it up."

"No?" He chuckles against my forehead.

"Cruz did." I say softly, sniffing again.

"Blame the dead girl?"

"Yes." I sniff again before rubbing my tired eyes and pulling away. He looks more than a little lost. I stick out my hand to him and he stares at it. "Come on."

"Where?"

"You have a big bed." I say observantly, opening and closing my grasp. "Just in case it's really the room?"

He smirks running his hand through his hair before lifting his hand and looping two fingers around mine.

"Just in case."


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

Faith has always been a pretty light sleeper. She could easily doze off in the RMP and snap to attention at the first sign of a little action. She's spent enough nights asleep in a chair next to my bed in the ER at Mercy waiting on my discharge, or admittance, for me to get a pretty good handle on exactly how much noise I could make. It wasn't much before her eyes would inevitably snap open and yell at me for not complying by elevating, reclining, icing or applying pressure to what ever part of myself I may have damaged.

Right now I'm scared shit-less if I move at all she'll disappear. So I'm motionless, clutching the pillow beneath me with both hands as I stare at her. She's too thin, her tank top clings against her body, revealing ribs I've never been able to see before. Her hair is too dark. It makes her look pale, or hell maybe she is pale. I can't tell. Her face is relaxed when she sleeps, not all tight and nervous like it's been since the moment I pulled her over.

I am rediculously in love with this woman.

_Dangerously_ in love, Katie had once told me, _hence the desperation. _She'd said. I had to ask Emily what the hell 'hence the desperation' meant. I left out the dangerous. Katie was an unexpected surprise. The replacement Faith. I heard Sully tell Davis once at one of the millions of fundraisers for the kids charitable trust. I told Davis his partner was a jack-off and grabbed the kids and taken them home. Sully called later to apologize. I started blubbering about how it was too close to the damn truth and refused to talk to Katie for weeks. She was nice and pretty and on my side, but she was not Faith. I would have slept with her, if she hadn't been way past me. She saw right through me. _You loved her_. I'd growled at her when she told me, telling her not to use the past tense. Faith was alive, and Faith was coming home. She pointed out that I had not disputed the love part. I wonder if Faith always knew. She knew me better than Katie ever could. It stands to reason that she's known all along.

The urge to touch her is unbearable, and I reach out my fingers, gliding them down her arm.

"Boz?" She whispers, her lips parting softly with the question.

"Sorry." I mutter, my face still half mushed into the pillow. She opens an eye and smiles at me, moving herself a little closer. "I should have left you alone."

She looks at me completely now, both eyes in mine.

"I'm tired of being alone." Her voice is quiet, certain. I creep closer, rolling onto my side and really look at her.

"Why?" I whisper pleadingly, hoping she'll give me some missing peice of the puzzle. Some reason I hadn't thought of. "Just tell me why."

She shakes her head carefully before clasping my wrist.

"I wish I could." She wets her lips before gnawing at one side of the bottom one. "I.. I just felt so.. unnecessary." I bite back every comment that wants to fly out of my mouth unfiltered. She watches, smiling at my discipline. "I'd lost you. I didn't have my job. Fred was cheating on me with someone my children apparently wanted as a mother.. What did I have to stay for?"

"You didn't loose me. You pushed me away." I have to say it. She sucks her lip back in, nodding slowly.

"The whole thing with Cruz. Bosco.." She shakes her head before the tears start to seep into her eyes. I hate that I ever looked twice at Maritza Cruz. "She.. took you away from me. She set you up. She played you like some kind-of-." She stops and I wonder if she couldn't think of a comparison or just doesn't want me to hear what shes come up with. "I.." She looks down at the bed sheet, moving her hands along the stripes. "I wanted to kill her Bosco."

"You should've." I don't even know I said it out loud until I see her eyes widen.

"Boz.."

"Would have saved the gang at Rikers the additional time they got for it."

"I wanted to kill someone. A cop. I didn't want to be that person. I wanted to kill someone just because I was-."

"Jealous." It pops into my head like one of those cartoon light bulbs. She presses her lips together and I use all my energy not to kiss her. She loves me too. _She always has_. Well whaddaya know.

My phone rings before I do anything to idiotic and I drag my eyes away from her.

"Em." I tell her rolling back to grab my phone. "Hey Sweetie."

Faith doesn't let my arm go, her fingers move softly against the skin on my writst.

_"Is she still there?"_ Emily asks cautiously.

"She said she would be." I remind her.

"_I was supposed to believe her_?" My eyes shift back to my partner, she bats the tears off of her cheek with her free hand. I pull back and tangle her fingers with mine.

"Emily.."

_"Don't tell me you're buying her shi-."_

"Emmy, I'm not going to talk to you about this on the phone. Your mom's here, she's not going anywhere and we all have to figure out what that means for us." I look at her when I say the last part, her eyes slipping up to mine almost hopefully. My daughter contemplates my words. I can almost feel her steaming. Faith looks back at our hands.

"_This isn't over_." She warns as my face breaks into a smile. She is her mother's daughter.

"I know it's not." I tell her softly. "Are you guys coming home tonight?"

"_I don't know_."

"Charlie's okay?"

"_He's fine_." She sighs. "_He slept in Grandma's room last night."_

"She never did that for me when I had nightmares." I grumble, before sliding my eyes to Faith, realizing that's exactly what she'd done for me last night. She feels me looking and raises her head.

"_Awh.. poor you_." Emily snarks, again bringing a grin to my face. Faith bites her lip, I pull our hands to my chest and hold them there.

"You have dance at three?" I know she does.

"_Yes_."

"You'll drop Charlie at soccer?" I know she will.

_"Yes_." She huffs again.

"Call me when you do."

_"Fine."_

"This is going to be okay." I hold Faith's eyes while I say this. "I don't know how yet, but we're all going to get through this."

_"If you say so."_ Em sighs as I wipe a tear off the bridge of Faith's nose before looking at the ceiling.

"I love you, Sweetheart."

"_I_ _love you too."_ She closes the phone and I do the same, turning to look at my partner.

"I've never heard you say that to a girl before." She teases..

"She's the first girl I think I've ever said it to and meant it." I chuckle, my eyes drifting back to the ceiling, looking at the off-white patch of plaster I put up last fall. "That probably says something about me, doesn't it?"

"You're good at this." She whispers ignoring my confused glance. "You seem to know what you're doing."

"Fooled ya." I shake my head slowly back to the plaster.

"You're a better mother than me." She snorts. "Who knew?" I shoot her a death glare before my mouth twitches into a grin. "I had such a hard time with her and you make it look easy."

"She's you." I confess, with a smirk. "It is easy."

"Yeah cause you and I communicated so well.." I swallow again, watching her playful expression slip off her face. She's waiting for me to put my guard back up. Waiting to say the wrong thing.

"We used to." I tell her, feeling her fingers pinch at the fabric of my t-shirt.

"We did." She nods. "So now what?"

"How 'bout we just go slow?" I have no idea what that means, but it makes her smile and I like that. "One thing." I tighten my grip on her hand. "We're a united front with the kids. That's non negotiable."

"Okay."

"I mean it Faith. You let _**me**_ deal with them, don't jump in. Don't disagree. You let me parent them the way I have been for the last five years." I look back at her. "And I'll back you up. I won't let them make you out to be the enemy."

"You were always good at backing me up." She whispers, her fingers moving against mine.

"Not always." I swallow hard.

Her free hand reaches out and touches my temple lightly, running back into my hair.

"It wasn't your fault." She whispers through new tears. "I'm know I made you feel like it was, but it wasn't. None of this, my getting hurt, my leaving... none of this was your fault."

I close my eyes and she wipes her fingers across the dampness of my eyes.

"Thank you." I tell her. "For staying with me last night."

"I haven't slept this well in-." She rolls her eyes.

"Me either." I re-grip our hands. "Probably ever."

She watches me stroke her fingers for a second.

"What about this?" She asks, nodding towards our hands.

"This." I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "I.. I like this."

"Me too."

"I have no idea what this is."

"Me either." She laughs a little.

"Slow.." I remind her, my eyebrows lift for a second. She nods her eyes widening as the doorbell rings. "Who stops by this early?"

"I don't know." I pull myself up and head towards the livingroom. She stops in the hall watching me open the door.

"Hello, I'm looking for-." The man standing there gives me a quick once over before looking past me to her. "Oh thank God."

"Alan."

"I guess you're not being held hostage." He sighs. "I was having flashbacks of the movie Misery"

"I told you I was fine."

"In tears, before hanging up on me." He counters.

"Who the hell are you?" I ask, stepping in the way as the stranger takes a few steps into my house. His answer makes me flinch.

"Her partner."


	8. Chapter 8

**I've been trying to re-write this, but it's apparently supposed to go like this.**

* * *

It shouldn't bother me.

Faith hasn't actually been in an RMP with me since the day she left me standing in the middle of the street. This guy standing here saying he's her partner stirs up the same faintly abandoned feeling.

"Who the hell is this?" I chuck my thumb at him, my eyes sweeping over the woman that I almost kissed this morning, despised yesterday and thought was dead three days ago.

"My publisher." She sighs, knowing my look.

"Who, may I ask, are you?" The idiotic guy at the door mutters with some sissy accent I just realized he has.

"You _may not_ask." I mimicked back.

"Are you wearing his clothing?" He squints at Faith and I glance up. I'll be damned if she's not in one of my white button downs. I'm not sure how I missed that. "Jesus Em. If you wanted a quick shag we could have had a go."

"Excuse me?" I look from her to him. "Did he just say what I think he said?"

"Wow. A real brain trust." He rolls his beady little eyes at me and I feel my jaw clench. "Get your bag. We can be off this dirty island before lunch."

"Look Russell Crow, I don't know who the hell you think you are -."

"Bosco calm down."

"Bosco? That's a dogs name for Christ Sake." I am going to kill this little man. "And Russell Crow is Australian, you Dim Wit.

"Shut up Alan." Faith warns. "Please just shut up."

"What did he pick you up on the side of the road like a common wh-?"

That's when I take a swing at him. Only it's not him I hit. I don't know when she got close enough to get between us, but I just slugged my partner in the face.

"Damn it!" I yell, my damn hand hurts and that scares me as I drop to the floor where she slid down the wall.

"Faith?"

"Ow!" She cries when I reach her, my hands grasping at her shoulders. "Damn it Bosco."

"What the hell did you get in the way for?" I can feel my chest start to rise and fall too quickly as I reach my hand up and turn her head gently. She grips my arm and winces. "Lemme look. Hold still and let me look."

"I'm calling the police."

"Super tell them we need a bus." I mutter, inspecting the angry welt and small cut I left on her face.

"I'm okay." She protests, her eyes sweeping over me as I struggle to breath. "Boz I'm okay."

"I coulda broken your jaw." I whimper.

"You're pretty damn sure of your right hook." She teases, before presses her hand against my chest. "I'm okay."

"Dad?" Oh my God.

"Charlie?" Okay, I really can't breath now.

"Mom!" My daughter's voice makes my eyes roll back into my head.

"_MUM_?"

"Emily get me some ice."

"_Emily_.."

"I'm okay." She doesn't even sound a little convincing.

"Here." She drops it into my frantic hands. "Breath slowly you're hyperventilating."

Slowly. Slowly.

"Mom?" Damn. Damn. Damn.

"I'm okay, Charlie." She winces again as I press the cold pack against her face. She meets my eyes again."Breath Boz. It's okay. I'm okay."

"Who the hell are you?" Emily shouts at the man at the door. God she's so much like her mother.

"Who exactly are you?" The asshole at the door says.

"Charlie call Katie." Emily instructs.

"No." Faith struggles against me before I help her up, nearly panicking when she buckles. "You don't need to call Lieutenant Katie." Lieutenant Katie? "I'm okay. Emily get Bosco a paper bag."

"He won't use it." She quips. "I'm calling Katie. This guy just hit you."

"Yes he will." She holds my eyes, wincing again as I set her gingerly on the couch. "And he didn't hit me."

Shit shit shit.

"Then who-?"

"Shit" I huff.

"It was an accident." Her hand cups against my cheek and strokes her thumb against it. "And I'm okay."

"Emily would you care to tell me what the hell is going on here?"

"I'm not telling you anything!" My daughter yells back at him.

"Em." Faith whispers softly. "Alan wait outside."

"I'm Bloody well not-."

"Alan get out."

I hear the door shut and I let my eyes close.

"Charlie go in the bathroom and get the first aide box." I'm going to have to start breathing at some point.

"The one I made in scouts?"

"Yes." I tell him and he starts down the hall.

"Emily get the bag please." Faith requests softly.

"I'm telling you he won't-." She's done this a few times.

"Sweetie will you get it please?" She snorts before making her way into the kitchen. "I hit you."

"I got in the way." She assures me. "It's my fault and I'm okay."

My breathing is already back to normal when Emily drops the bag between us and Charlie returns with his little first aide kit.

"Who's the asshole?"

"Emily Jane."

"Why'd you hit mom?" Charlie whispers.

"He didn't mean to Charlie."

"You said not to hit girls."

"I said not to hit people." I remind him. "Especially the girls."

"What if they deserve it?" Emily sasses.

"Why are you here?" I ask quickly.

"I live here remember?"

"Emily."

"I forgot my toe shoes."

"Get them and go please!" The screen door slams and I watch Charlie disappear through it. "Damn it!"

Faith's hand covers mine over the ice.

"Go." She nods painfully at me. "I'm okay. Go get him."


	9. Chapter 9

I struggle into a pair of Bosco's NYPD sweat pants and pull my hair back off of my throbbing face before joining Alan on the front porch.

"Good God look at your face." He shakes his head slowly.

"Had worse." I sigh, moving to sit on the steps. "How'd you find me?"

"GPS in your Blackberry." He tells me dropping down beside me. "I thought you'd been killed."

"I'm sorry Alan." I whisper, knowing I'm about to tell him the woman he's known for the last five years doesn't exist.

"This is what you've been running from?" He gestures around Bosco's neat yard before his eyes fall on my daughter. Leaning impatiently against her little red hatchback, her toe shoes hanging lazily over her shoulder. "This is.." Bosco is holding Charlie's face in his hand, nodding his head as he talks to him. He slings his arm around his shoulder and walks him to Emily's car. She studies him with scrutiny that was once reserved for only me. He gives her a little nod before kissing her forehead and putting Charlie in the passenger seat. He gives me an appraising look before slipping back inside the house. "I don't know what this is."

"My name is Faith Yokas. I'm a New York City Police Officer."

"Bloody Hell." He exhales slowly. "You're a police officer and you couldn't stop it?"

"Stop it..?" He looks back at me like I'm insane.

"The abuse." He shakes his head. "Muhammad Ali in there."

"There was no abuse. That was my fault. I got in the way. Bosco has never hit me before and he didn't mean to hit me then."

"No he wanted a go at me." Alan snorts.

"I don't think he appreciated your British humor." I say dryly. "He didn't like the implication that he picked me up off the street like some prostitute."

"I see."

"I didn't like the implication that he picked me up off the street like some prostitute."

"The children?"

"Emily's 17 and Charlie is 12. I left there father five years ago when I found out he was having an affair."

"He cheated on you and he still gets to defend your honor?" He chucks his thumb towards the door.

"Bosco's not my husband." It feels strange to say it.

"They called him Dad."

"Boz took them in after their father died." I explain, the reality of that statement still fresh. "He was my partner."

"Bloody hell he's Jack Holleran." My characters name sounds foreign to me. I briefly wonder if Emily Charles was thinking about Maurice Boscorelli when she created Jack Holleran. The confusion of that quandary makes me more than a little nauseous. Or it could be the heat radiating from the welt forming on my face. "You're nothing like Mary-Alice."

"Emily was nothing like her." I explain slowly. "She and Faith have more than a few things in common."

"Emily _was.._?" He asks slowly, catching the full meaning of my words. I give him a sad smile before nodding.

"I can't keep running." I whisper. He looks out at the yard for a moment and we sit in silence. I know he's trying to decide if it's worth a fight. He gives me another long look before nodding. Leaning in, he kisses my good cheek.

I watch him drive away and just like that my alter ego ceases to exists. Emily Charles is no more.

I find Bosco in the kitchen starring out the back door. I drag my hand across his back.

"Is your _friend_ staying for lunch?" He asks cautiously.

"My _friend_ is already gone." I drop onto the bench at the kitchen table.

"How's your face?" He joins me.

"Hurts like hell." I admit.

"I don't know what possessed you to get in the way." His voice is strained, as his fingers gently trace over the swollen parts.

"I'm out of practice. I forgot the best way to get you off of someone is from behind." I smile and he makes the slightest move towards me. It's so deliberately minuscule I almost think I've imaged it. Until I see the look in his eyes. For the second time today I realize that Maurice Boscorelli wants to kiss me.

Instead he presses his forehead lightly against mine. I wonder if he's still angry or just scared now.

"You're all normal now." He tells me pulling back to look at me with a little grin.

"Normal? Me?" I raise an eyebrow at him and the grin grows.

"NYPD sweats and your hair all pulled up." He swallows hard. "My clothes look good on you."

"Yeah?" I smirk. "Get used to it. I only have two outfits."

He shakes his head at me.

"You're stuffs upstairs in the attic."

"You're kidding me."

"Okay. It's not upstairs in the attic."

"Boz it's been five years."

"I'm aware." He rolls his eyes a little before his voice drops. "What the hell was I supposed to do with it? Throw it out? It was your stuff."

Tears immediately come to my eyes when he says this, I reach for the hand he has laying on the table and trace my fingers over it.

"You know the tears don't really go with the look." He raises an eyebrow at me before shoving himself up from the bench and planting a kiss on the top of my head. "Get dressed I want to show you something."


	10. Chapter 10

"Here." He says pulling open the door next to his room revealing a small staircase. I give him one last look before going up.

Everything I have ever owned is in Bosco's attic. I can hear him on the stairs, he shifts his weight from one leg to another.

"You're clothes are over there and in the closet." He points towards my old dresser. "If I get it cleaned up a little, fix some things. You could probably sleep up here."

"Boz.." He kept everything. "How..?"

"Come on, get some clothes on." He huffs starting down the stairs. I open my dresser and everything is right where I left it. I fumble with a pair of jeans that don't fit before opening the closet. I grab a belt and run my fingers across my shirts until I find one that I think won't hang off of me. I pull it out, my fingers touching a plastic garment bag. Knowing what's in there stops me cold.

"Faith come on!" Bosco shouts I pull my hand away before pulling my shirt over my head and meet him on the landing. "Geez you just needed to toss on some-."

He stops and stares at me until I pull my eyes back to the ground.

"What?" He squints his eyes at me.

"Nothing." I lie.

"Faith.." He raises an eyebrow at me before rolling his eyes.

"It's just weird. " I give him a quick smile. "Seeing all the stuff I haven't seen in years."

"I guess it would be." He mutters trying to believe me.

"I thought you were in a hurry?" I remind him and he nods grabbing his keys as he walks through the kitchen.

* * *

I watch him while we drive.

"What?" He finally sighs, his eyes never leaving the road.

"Nothing."

"You are full of nothings today." He shakes his head.

"I was just thinking about being in the car with you."

"What about it?" He chances a quick look at me. I automatically watch the road while he does, years of rythm returning more naturally than I would have thought possible.

"It's just.." I shake my head. "Familiar."

He stops at the light, turning to face me again before nodding. We turn into a parking lot and I grin.

"You wanted to show me a strip mall?" I roll my eyes at him and he smiles at me before looking at his watch.

"Come on we still have some time." He opens my door before I have a chance and it makes me laugh.

"That's not so familiar." I laugh. His embarrassed smile makes me smile too, as he takes my hand and pulls me along with him.

He leads me down a stair case and onto the sand.

"So this is South Beach?"

"Yup." He pulls me to the water, and I watch the water lap onto the shore in slow strokes.

"It's pretty."

"It is." He runs his free hand over his hair. "It's not as exciting as Manhattan, but the views are better."

"I can't believe you left the city." I feel him tense beside me, and I'm waiting for his sniping comeback.

"Once you make a move it gets easier and easier to live with it." He says softly, his thumb moving across my knuckles. "You know that."

It's not accusing, not angry, it's just fact when he says it. I turn my head, watching him look out into the water towards the city. He glances at his wrist before looking up at me.

"We can probably go now." He whispers before tugging me back up the steps into the parking lot.

"Is that Emily's car?" I ask tentatively as we pass the tiny red hatchback. "Boz I don't think this is a good-."

"Will you just trust me?" He asks in irritation, spinning around to face me.

I look down at the ground, moving through the door he's holding open.

"Mr. Boscorelli!"

"Hi Jenni." Bosco gives her a quick grin, before her eyes drift to me. "This is Faith, Em's mom. She surprised us with a visit."

I bite down on my lip to keep from laughing. _Surprise! _He winks at me.

"That's great."

"I was hoping we could get another ticket for next week."

"Only for you Mr. B." She says in a way that Bosco might have thought was seductive five years ago. "I'll get another one."

"Thanks Jenni." He grins before turning to me. "I'll be right back."

"Your ex-husband is great." Jenni tells me watching Bosco walk away. "He's such a good Dad."

"He is." I whisper.

"We put in that two way mirror three years ago so the parents could come and watch." She gestures to one of the walls. "The pre-school parents use it all the time, but he's the only parent of a teenager who ever does."

I'm looking at her when Bosco comes up behind me.

"Come on." He tugs at my hand, bringing me over to the window.

My daughter's sitting on the floor putting her toe shoes on with a woman in sweat shorts and a t-shirt.

"Grace has been working with her on point." He tells me proudly, grinning into the mirror. "It's apparently a really big deal."

Charlie's sitting on a stool in the other corner playing one of those hand held video games that he wasn't allowed to have before.

Grace helps Em up before walking over to the stereo system and turns it on.

And then my daughter starts to dance.

Images of her in frilly costumes as an elementary school-er cross my mind as she moves fluidly around the room. She's amazing. Her face softens as she gazes at herself in the mirror as she flawlessly follows her routine before spinning away.

I take a moment to look at Bosco. His eyes follow her with a look that I can only describe as paternal pride. I watch her end her dance, spiraling carefully down to the floor before coming to a stop.

Grace is clapping wildly as Emily lifts her head and grins almost as big as Bosco.

"Ready?" He asks me, watching Em take off her toe shoes.

"We're not going to wait?"

"He never does." Jenni shakes her head, handing Bosco a blue ticket.

"Thanks." He takes my hand again and I wonder if it's to pull me out the door, or if he actually wants the contact. I stare at him when he leads me back to the car.

"She'd be mortified if she knew I was watching through the pre-school window." He shakes his head. I cup his face with my hand, pressing my lips against his cheek. He blinks at me before looking down at our entwined hands.

"Thank you."

"For what?" He whispers, his eyes meeting mine again.

"Everything." I tell him with a grin, slipping back into the car.

* * *

"No." Bosco's shoving things in a duffel bag at record speed. Charlie looks on in mild annoyance, tugging at his boyscout uniform. "I can't believe I forgot about this stupid-."

"Come on." My daughter stomps her foot.

"No Emily. You know the rules." He rubs his face.

"The rules are ridiculous. I'm seventeen."

"Yes you are, which is why you can't stay here alone all night." She sucks in a deep breath a s he finishes the thought. "You're going to my mothers."

"She'll be here." She tells Bosco, chucking her thumb towards the table where I'm sitting.

"Emily." He sighs wearily before finding my eyes. I shrug my shoulder at his silent question. "What's here that isn't at my Ma's?"

"Julie's supposed to come over to work on our history report."

"Perfect, you can go to Julie's. I'll call Sandy from the car." He decides zipping up his duffel bag.

"We're meeting here!" She balks. "I'm supposed to change my plans because you forgot about Charlie's camp out?"

"I was a little preoccupied." Bosco looks back at me, pursing his lips.

"So let her watch me." She growls.

"Emily she's your mother. Stop saying **her**."

"Whatever."

"Faith?" He looks over at me.

"It's your call." I say softly. Emily looks at him pleadingly.

"Fine." A car horn honks from the driveway. "The Miller's are here." He looks back at me. "Phone numbers are on the fridge. Julie has to be gone by eleven. Ten if Emily picks her up." He points at my daughter before maneuvering Charlie towards the door. "I mean it."

"Fine." She smiles, leaning in and kissing him on the cheek. "Thank you."

"Call your grandmother." He shoves Charlie out onto the porch. I hold the door for them while he turns to look at me. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Have fun Charlie." My son raises his eyes to me before trudging off towards the car.

"He'll come around." Bosco whispers giving me a reassuring grin before sprinting to the driveway.

* * *

Emily closes herself in her room when he leaves, so I make my way upstairs. The garment bag feels heavier than I remember it. I lay it against my dresser, unzipping the zipper until the dark blue appears.

I run my fingers over the gold fives and down the buttons. The coarse fabric feels like silk under my fingertips. I leave it open on the dresser before pulling out a dark black box from the bottom of the closet, wiping off the dust.

It's the only thing unfamiliar to me. I sit on the floor and unlatch it. My heart stills at the contents.

I fish out the triangular box that holds the folded flag, setting it reverently next to me on the floor. My commendations are in another smaller box. In the last one I find a shiny badge with my number on it.

"He didn't want it." My daughter's voice makes me jump. She stands silently in the doorway. "He said they could shove it up their asses. He went on and on about how you never touched it. It wasn't yours."

"Sounds like him."

"Julie's mom won't let her come here, since Bosco's gone. She doesn't know you so.." Her eyes bounce from the wall to the floor. "I'm going over there."

"Did you call him?" She nods. "You'll be home by ten?" Another nod. "Emily.. I know you can't forgive me right now-."

"I've got to go meet Julie." She blurts turning on her heals and starting back down the stairs.

I go back to starring at the evidence of my funeral.


	11. Chapter 11

My phone's ringing. The dad's who don't know about me all look at me like I'm an idiot for having a phone with me on a camp out. Charlie looks embarrassed.

"He's a single father." John Miller says meaningfully. "He's got a daughter at home he has to answer it." I cast him a gratful look before saying hello.

"_Boz_?" The panic in her voice makes my heart stop.

"What's wrong?"

"_She's gone_."

"She's what?" I gripped the phone tighter in my hand.

"_She said she was going to Julie's. Did she call you about-?"_

"She didn't call me Faith." I try hard not to yell. Yelling won't help. I repeat that again in my head.

"_God Boz I'm so sorry. She said she was going to Julie's but then Julie called here looking for her and I_-."

"Calm down."

"_You leave me alone with her for two minutes and she's back to her old-."_

"Faith stop."

"Who's Faith?" I hear Miller's boy Chris ask Charlie.

"My mother."

"I thought your mom was dead."

"Me too."

_"She didn't answer her phone. I was going to call her friends before I realized I don't know any of her-."_

"Faith!" She stops mid sentence and I listen to her choppy breaths as she tries not to sob."She's probably at Holly's."

"_My friend from high school?"_

"No." I can't help but snort at that. "I'll call you back okay?"

_"Okay."_ She sniffs. "_I'm so sorry."_

"I'll call you." I repeat hanging up the phone.

"Charlie I've gotta-."

"Go ahead." He sighs dramatically.

"I'll be back I promise." I look at John who rolls his eyes before tossing his car key's at me. "Thanks."

* * *

"Hey Bosco." Holly Nieto opens the door with a soft smile. "Looking for something?"

"I'm going to kill her." My daughter is curled up on the couch with one of the Nieto rug rats, sound asleep.

"It was a little too much for her I think." Holly beams. "Being home alone with her."

"She could have gone to my Ma's." I shake my head. "She wanted to stay there."

"I think she's just causing trouble again." Carlos muttered lifting his daughter away from mine. "It's all about getting Faith's attention."

"Maybe." I chew on that for a minute. "Thanks guys."

"Anytime." Holly lays her hand on my shoulder for a second before giving it a pat and walking out of the room.

"Em." I drop down next to the couch, watching as her eyes slowly open before widening fearfully. "Yeah. Be afraid."

"I-."

"Save it."

"Save it?"

"Yes." I grab her arm and haul her to her feet. "Save it for your mother who's at home freaking out."

"She deserves it."

"Maybe." I tell her honestly. "But you know better."

* * *

"Oh God Emily." Faith's voice is hoarse from crying when the door opens. She starts forward to hug her but Emily's already stomping away.

"Hey!" Faith jumps when I raise my voice, but my daughter doesn't, turning slowly back towards her.

"I'm sorry that I lied. It won't happen again." She says coldly, her eyes never meeting her mothers.

"Go." I point towards her bedroom before looking back at my partner. She stares after her with glassy eyes.

"Where was she?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Boz." She lets her eyes shut and I see the guilt wash over her again. I rest a hand on her shoulder.

"It's not your fault you didn't know."

"I should have called you. I prom-."

"You did call me." I sigh, rubbing up and down her arm.

"Maurice?" My mother's voice swings both of our heads towards the door.

"Ma. Thanks for coming."

"Of course." She waves her arms away before she turns to Faith. "Oh Baby don't cry."

She wraps her arms around her. I watch Faith's eyes squeeze shut and I feel like an ass for not knowing what she needed.

"Emily's in her bedroom." I huff. "Maybe you'll have better luck."

I reach for Faith's hand as my mother separates from her.

"We have to go."

"Where?"

"I need you to follow me up to the camp out. I borrowed a friends car."

"You have a friend who likes you enough to let you borrow his car?" Her wide eyes blink at me before her lips curve into a grin.

"Hilarious." I tell her deadpan, tugging her out of the door as I watch my Ma start down the hall. "Don't baby her she's in trouble, Ma."

"Go Maurice." She calls from the hall, ignoring my instructions in her head already.

"Follow me?" I ask turning back to Faith.

"Anywhere." She tells me softly.

* * *

She gets out of her jeep behind me, walking unsure towards the campfire. I give her a quick nod.

John walks back towards us and I hand him his keys.

"Thanks."

"Hey I've been there." He shakes his head not doubt remembering one of the hundred things his daughter's done in her sixteen years. "She okay?"

"She's fine. Grounded till she's twenty but fine." He looks at Faith.

"You must be the mysterious Officer Yokas." I instantly don't like the way he looks at her and it catches me off guard. Faith looks at me with wide eyes and I can't help but grin.

"Faith this is Leuitenant John Miller with major case."

"Long way from 1PP Leui." Faith says softly, moving unconsciously towards me.

"John's ex lives in Great Kills." I tell her running my hand up and down her back. "His son goes to school with Charlie at Our Lady Queen of Peace." She nods politely. "He asleep?"

"Yeah, go home I'll drop him off tomorrow."

"Are you sure." I swallow hard.

"He's always done fine at our house Mo." John reminds me. "If he wakes up I'll have him call home. You can come back and get him."

"Thanks John." I clap him on the arm and pull Faith back from the campsite, watching my friend ogle my partners ass as we walk back to her car.

"Ewh." She mutters.

"He's a nice guy." I remind myself, tamping down the possessiveness I feel out of nowhere.

"His eyes were all over my body." She whines.

"You have a nice body." I remind her reaching out my hand for her keys. "I've always enjoyed it."

"You never starred at me like that." She squeaks handing them to me as I open the door for her.

"Not while you were looking." I snorted. "I wasn't that stupid." I smile and close the door on her. It's gonna be a good ride home.

* * *

"I'm gonna go upstairs to get some clothes and then get in the shower." She whispers as we make our way into the house. I nod. "Hi Rose."

"You left him there?" My mother says to me after smiling after Faith.

"Yeah. Miller was out there he'll be fine." She nods. "What about her?"

I chuck my finger towards Em's room.

"She's sleeping." My Ma looks at me sternly. "This is all really difficult for her Maurice."

"She knows the rules."

"Yes. And when kids are upset the act out. Her and Faith didn't have the best relationship before this Baby and it's defiantly not any easier now."

"I know." My eyes are fixed on Emmy's door when my mom hugs me.

"I asked her if she wanted to come stay with me. I even offered to call Carlos and Holly to see if she could stay there." I must look horrified because she pats my cheek and grins. "She said no. She wanted to stay here and look after you I suppose." She looks past me to the attic stairs. "She gets that from her mother."

I know Faith's standing there, and I know she looks guilty. I don't bother too look. I don't want to see her look guilty anymore.

My Ma kisses us both on the cheek and makes her way to the door.

"You gonna shower?" I say my eyes looking at her feet.

"Yeah." She taps her shoe until I look up at her. "You want me to try it out?"

"The shower?"

"Charlie's room." She smiles sheepishly. She's asking me if I want her to stay with me or not. I weigh my options. There is no way in hell Em will be awake before us. Even if, she won't leave her room.

"Nah." I say softly. "It's not worth risking it." She looks up at me biting her lip.

"Em?" She glances back towards her door.

"Won't notice." I assure her.

"Are you sure?" She watches me nod. "I'm gonna shower then."

"Okay."

I watch her walk away before opening Emily's door and sitting on the edge of her bed. She's a rumpled mass of curls on a pillow and I can't help but grin before kissing her temple. She sighs, but doesn't wake, making my throat tight. I stand in the doorway, for a moment before making my way back to my room.

Something shiny catches my eye as I pull off my shirt.

It's sitting in the middle of my bed. I drop down on the edge, moving my hand across the bedspread, collecting the piece of metal between my fingers. I almost think it's mine until she whispers from the doorway.

"Thought you should know I kept it." She whispers, moving back into the bathroom.

I hold it while she's gone. My fingers tracing back and forth over the numbers.


	12. Chapter 12

"Are you awake?" Her voice startles me.

"I thought you were asleep." I whisper, blinking at the ceiling.

"I was." She rolls onto her side and I can feel her eyes studying me in the dark.

"What's wrong?" I fight the urge to roll over and pull her against me.

"Tell me what to do." I cringe at her pleading voice.

"About what?"

"Em." She sniffs when she says it and I allow myself to move towards her.

"She needs time Faith."

"She won't even look at me. Until she's lying to my face, then she has no problem-."

"She's a little girl." I whisper softly, my fingers moving through her hair. "Trying to be a woman. Trying to figure out something that's impossible.."

"I don't know how to make it better." She sucks in little gasps of air in an attempt to remain in control. "I don't know how to start."

"Time Faith."

"Not just with Emily." She's sobbing now, I draw my thumb across her face.

"I know."

"I found my uniforms." Her eyes flash to mine and I struggle not to look away. "I found the damn box from my funeral."

"I didn't want to have one."

"I know." She shakes her head at me in understanding. "Emily told me."

"Sully made me. He said it would be good for the-." Wait.

"Boz?"

"Emily was there? When you were going through the funeral box?" She must hear something in my tone because the look she gives me is suddenly sober.

"Oh my God." The words roll out of her mouth in hushed realization. "I thought she was trying to pull one over on me. I never even thought about.."

"It's okay." I pull her closer. "It's okay."

"No, it's not okay." I hold her while she cries, the weight of her body settling into my chest after a few minutes. "Tell me what to do."

"There's nothing we can do about it tonight." I remind her. "We have to take the time Faith. It's going to get better. I promise, just not tonight. Nothing is going to fix this right away."

"Nothing..?" She says softly, turning her eyes up to me, her face inches from mine.

"Faith.."

"I know.., you said slow." I did, didn't I? Like twenty-four hours ago. What the hell was I thinking? "I just.." My lips watch her mouth move. "..need you."

It's not until I hear her startled whimper that I realize I have started kissing my partner. Her hands claw at my hips bringing them closer to hers. I grunt at the contact and she presses tighter against my instant hardness.

"Faith.." I moan at her, trying to distance myself just a little bit. "Faith.. We should.."

"Do you wanna stop?" She sounds alarmed,the heat from her breath tickling my lips.

"No chance in hell of that." I growl, pressing my lips into her neck.

"Boz.." She whispers. I keep moving downward. "Bosco.." She puts her hands on either side of my head until I look up.

"I think someones knocking." She pants.

"What?"

"I.. someones.." Then I hear it too. Followed by a key in the door.

"Yo Bosco!" I hear John's attempt at a quiet bellow down the hall.

"Charlie." I mutter rolling over onto my back and trying to compose myself. I'm in no shape for company. Especially my twelve year old son.

"I'll go." Faith's voice is almost frightened as she tugs on a blue silk robe and casts me another look for approval. I nod and she disappears into the hall.

"Charlie?"

"Faith." John Miller I'll kick your ass. "It's Faith right?"

"Yes. John? Thanks so much for bringing him home so late. Charlie Baby are you okay?"

"Where's my Dad?" Shit..

"He's getting in the shower." Nice. Genius in fact. I could use a cold shower right about now.

"I want my Dad." His voice is getting closer I pull myself out of the bed and into the bathroom.

"Charlie he'll be out in a minute okay?"

"Whatever." I hear the door to his room close and I sag against the doorway.

"He had a nightmare?"

"I guess. He just woke me up and said he wanted to go home." I should have brought him home with us. Now I feel like an ass, grabbing my robe and starting into the hall. "You look pretty hot for a dead girl."

"Hey Woah.." I warn, making my way into the hall and closing the door behind me. "Good night Lieutenant."

John grins at me fiendishly for a second before it turns into his regular grin. He shakes his head.

"Call me next week, Maurice. We'll get a beer."

I smirk with a shake of my head as he walks back towards the exit.

"That's your friend?" Faith squeaks. I hear Miller laugh as he pulls the door open.

"His only friend." John yells back before giving her a goofy salute and starts closing the door. "Ma'am."

"Who'd you expect me to be friends with priests and missionaries?" I shrug making my way past her to Charlie's door.

"Chuck?" I rap my knuckles against it.

"Dad?" I push the door open and make my way inside.

"What happened?"

"You said you'd be back."

"I was. You were sleeping. I had to get back to Em."

"And Mom?" I drop onto his bed beside him, rubbing his back while we talk.

"Your mom was with me."

"Tommy Franklin wanted to know if you guys were going to get remarried now."

"Remarried?"

"Like on Murphy's Law."

"The TV show?"

"Susanna's husband came back from the dead right before she married Alex. They got remarried in the season finally"

"It's just a TV show."

"Yeah cause nothing like that ever happens in real life." My son sasses, looking at me over his shoulder.

"We weren't married Charlie, you know that."

"Tommy Franklin doesn't, it made sense to him. You're my Dad she's my Mom.."

"You've never explained it to him?" I laughed.

"Why? That story's so much more normal."

"That it is."

"Besides you were sort of married."

"Yeah how do you figure?"

"You were her partner. You took an oath to be by her side. You loved her."

"That's not the same as marriage."

"Whatever." He sighs. "So it _was _okay for me to give Mr. Miller her number than?"

"What?"

"I mean he was checking her out so hard I thought his eyes were gonna burst."

"You gave-? Charles!"

"Relax. I was kidding." His mouth breaks into a grin.

"So you didn't give John your mother's number?" My eyebrow quirks up.

"I don't have it to give." He shrugs, exchanging a serious look with me before I rub my face.

"I'm sorry." I dangle my feet over the side of the bed when I roll onto my stomach. "It's been a long couple of days huh?"

He nods at me.

"Is she okay?"

"Who Em? Yeah she's fine."

"Mom." He corrects me, looking deep into my face with Faith like accuracy.

"She's.. confused and scared. Sad, like the rest of us." I tell him, letting him read my expression. "And sorry. She's very very sorry Charlie."

He nods, looking back towards the door.

"You want to talk to her?" He's silent for a long time, I watch him contemplate.

"Maybe tomorrow."

"Okay." I pull the blanket up around him for a minute. "You want me to stay in here?" He shakes his head. "You sure?"

"You said she was scared." He reminds me softly, before looking back at the door. "I'm not scared."

I nod in understanding, before kissing him on the head.

"I love you Charlie." I tell him, making my way out of the room.

"I love you too."

I pull the door shut behind me before I notice Faith's huddled on the floor against the wall. I drop beside her, tugging until she leans her teary face into my shoulder.


	13. Chapter 13

Pots and pans.

That's what wakes me, the unmistakable sound of pots and pans. Charlie used to bang them together when he was a baby. His chubby face grinning in delight at the unbearable noise.

It's still unbearable. I don't know what time it was when I finally cried myself out, or when Bosco carried me back in here from the hall, but I am well aware I did not get my usual eight hours.

I wrap myself up in a robe and move towards the source of the noise.

"I can't find it." My daughter huffs.

"Well bang around a little more I'm sure it'll magically appear." Bosco snorts.

"If you put things back where they go-." She scolds clanking together another pan.

"You're going to wake your mom."

"And?"

"She had a rough night Em cut her a break." He sighs.

"Why should I?" She snaps.

"You gonna hate her forever?" My son asks solemnly from the table. "Cause it's getting old."

"It's been three days Charlie I'm sorry If you think I'm holding a grudge!"

"I'm just saying-!"

"Stop!" The soft firmness of his voice sends them both into silence. "It's been three days, three long long days.. " He rubs his face. "And I don't expect anyone to be over anything, but I do expect you to treat people with respect." He eyes my daughter. "Look in the dish washer maybe it's in there."

She emerges with a flat skillet, still eyeing Bosco defiantly. He takes it from her, pretending to swing it at her head until her face breaks into a grin.

"Charlie get the stuff out."

"You guys are up early." I whisper, watching the room freeze. Bosco studies me for a moment as the kids look guiltily away. He wants to know if I heard. I flash him a small smile and his eyes fill with sympathy I don't deserve.

"Church." Emily mutters like I'm an idiot. I can't remember her ever getting up for church. I have the vague recollection of Fred trying to entice her with the promise of donuts after. But I nod, like I'm a moron for not realizing.

"You started without me!" I jump at the sound of Rose's accusation as she blows into the kitchen. "Maurice I'm only a few minutes late and you wreck the whole operation."

"I can make pancakes Ma." He says, his wry smile giving away the insincerity of his rebelous tone.

"I know. I know." She pats his cheek and I smile. "But it's my job." He plants his lips against the side of her face and hands off the skillet. She gives Emily a killer grin before patting her cheek with the same reverence. "Charlie get the eggs for Grandma."

My son obediently complies as Bosco pulls a chair out for me.

"Good morning." I whisper, watching him look towards the group at the stove for wandering eyes before kissing my temple.

"You want chocolate chips in yours?" He whispers back.

"What do you think?" I turn my face to his and loose my self in those blue eyes. His eyebrows raise with a grin as he pours the bag of toll-house morsels into the bowl before handing it to Charlie, who dutifully starts cracking eggs.

"Can I go?"

"To Mass?" He looks at me like I've grown a second head. Religion was Fred's bag and we both know it. I shrug and he smiles with a nod. "You should get dressed while we-." His head tilts towards the chefs and I smile too before sliding out of the chair.

"You go to Charlie's school I guess?"

"No Dear." Rose calls from the stove. "St. Clare's down in Great Kills. Don't have to over do it there, you can wear pants if you'd like."

"You came all the way up here to make pancakes? He really can do it Rose I've seen him do it before."

"I know he can." She cast a dirty look at Bosco's smirk. "I was a work. It's on the way, besides it's tradition right Emmy?" My daughter nods at her bright smile. "We've done it every Sunday since-." She stops, not knowing since what anymore, Bosco presses his lips together and looks at the ground. "Well almost five years now right?"

She ignores the uncomfortable silence in the room, raising her eyes to Charlie who nods.

"Sunday's not Sunday without chocolate chip pancakes." She looks back at the skillet. "Emily get the spatula over here before this one burns."

Bosco gestures for the stairs and I follow.

"She's like all grandmotherly." I whisper.

"She loves it."

"She's working at an all night bar?" I say absently. "I didn't realize they had those in the suburbs."

"They don't." Bosco laughs. "She's working at a woman and children's shelter for domestic violence. Providence stays overnight three nights a week. Her bar days are over, she's a respectable member of society now." He shakes his head at me. "If I'd have known that was all it took I'd have given her grandchildren a long time ago." I almost melt under the heat of his stare. "Get dressed. She'll flip out if we're running late. Not so grandmotherly then." His grin widens. I nod again, casting him one more glance as I climb the stairs.

* * *

"It's the Boscorelli's." The priest smiles widely as we make our way out of St. Clare's.

"Hi Father Jack." My kids both whisper as the man leans in and kisses Emily on the cheek, ruffling Charlie's hair at the same time.

"Rose." Another kiss. "Maurice." He claps Bosco on the shoulder as I try to stifle a snicker. I'll never ever think of him as Maurice. I look up just in time to see the man's brown eyes lock with my own. "You must be Faith." My mouth opens but nothing comes out. Rose eyes me nervously.

"Faith this is Father Jack Hanin. He's.. well our priest." She stumbles over the last part and Bosco laughs. Father Jack's girn widens, his nose wrinkling with the ridiculousness of it all.

"We've been praying for you for five years now. It's a pleasure to finally meet you." I take the hand he's extended and shake it briefly. I know I should be talking but I don't know what on Earth to say. Thanks? Prayers answered, strong work? What the hell is the protocol for this?

"I-. I had Father Jack come over to the house on Friday Faith. To.. talk with the children." Rose frets, litterally ringing her hands infront of her. I smile weakly at her. "He knows them so well."

"Emily went to eighth grade here with us before she headed to Notre Dame." Jack the priest smiles, taking in the awkwardness before slinging his arm over Charlie's shoulder. "The boy scouts are having a pancake breakfast. If I know you guys you already had one this morning, but what do you say you let me get you guys some hot chocolate? My treat." Emily smiles at him like he's the best thing she's ever seen and I want to laugh that my daughter's crush is a priest. "Maurice? How 'bout coffee?"

"Magic words Father." He starts across the street with him.

"I'm so sorry Faith." Rose whispers to me. "I should have warned you. That he knew."

"It's okay." I shake my head. "Really. "

"You want coffee?"

"Only if you have rum in your bag." I sigh. She shakes her head back at me.

"Those days are long gone."

"Seriously?"

"Since the boys got shot."

"Rose I'm-." I'm an idiot. "I'm so sorry about Mikey."

"Me too." She smiles sadly before patting my arm. "I left the hospital with out them. The kids. I hate to even say it. I wasn't even thinking about them. I was three sheets to the wind, drowning my self in scotch and pity when John Sullivan showed up on my door step with the children. He took one look at me and loaded them back in his car and took them home with him." She shakes her head and I picture Sully ushering them back to an RMP in the middle of the night. "Maurice was so mad at me. He'd been out of surgery for less than twelve hours and he was giving it to me right there in the ICU. Told me he'd have to quit the force if I didn't get my damn act together. I was all they had. Who else was going to take them? He said he'd have to leave them to Sully and Davis, since they were the only other people he knew. He wanted to know what kind of mother I was if he couldn't trust me with his kids. _His kids_. It was the first time I'd ever heard him call them that Faith. It took my breath away." She stops as we walk down the steps into the parish center and I wipe my eyes. "He loves them so much Faith. More than anything. More than being a cop." She shakes her head in disbelief. "You won't take them Faith? When you get on your feet again? You won't take them away from him will you? They're all he has."

"Rose.."

"What the hell's taking you so long?" Bosco mutters suddenly handing us both cups of coffee. "Ma, Mrs. Gianino's looking for you. Something about Bunko moving from Wednesday to Friday or Friday to-. I don't know I tuned her out."

Rose gives me one last long look before moving away. Bosco looks at me strangely.

"What's with her?"

"Nothing." I whisper, forcing a smile that he can't see through before leaning a little closer to him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." I lie, tightening my grip on the coffee.

* * *

I don't look up when the screen door squeaks open.

"Hi." I whisper.

"Hey." He says cautiously dropping a blanket around my shoulders. "Aren't you cold?"

"I guess." I settle back into the blanket.

"I um, I was talking to Father Jack today, about Emily. He thought it might be good if the two of you sat down with him. You know.. someone she trusts." I look at him pleadingly. "A neutral someone. He's a good guy."

"I thought you weren't friends with priests and missionaries."

"Yeah.. well one priest." He chuckles. "He's a good guy."

"I'm not saying he's not."

"He.." His head bobs down before his eyes return to mine. "I was pretty messed up when we got here. They'd just declared you.. dead.. and I-. He spent a lot of time with me. And Em. She adores him.."

"I noticed." My dry lips crack as I smile.

"She's desperate. I sent her to an all girls school. No boys till college. It's a rule."

"Bosco.."

"She can lust after Jesus and the priests."

"Boz!"

"He's a good guy Faith. He'll help." I nod, turning my eyes back out at the night.

"You coming to bed?" It's not hinting, or suggestive or expectant. It's just a question. I tear my eyes away from the back yard and look at him.

"I don't know if I trust my self." I shake my head in embarrassment.

"Trust _me_." He shrugs.

"Yeah cause you were the voice of reason last night."

"You were the seductress. It was a new roll for you. I've seen it now." He shrugs again. "I'm over it."

"You're over it?" I narrow my eyes at him and he fights back a smirk.

"Okay so I'm not over it.. I'm just.. putting it on the back burner for a while."

"Back burner." I mumble, considering the theory. "I don't know.."

"You gonna jump me Yokas?" He spits, extending his arm to me.

"I don't think so. Not tonight." I agree.

"Then come to bed."


	14. Chapter 14

"Ma, I don't want to talk about this with you."

"Then talk about it with Mortie." Rose's pleading voice is what makes me stop short. I stand in the hall, and listen to what's going down in the living room.

"No."

"Maurice you have to be smart about this."

"I'm not talking to your lawyer Ma."

"She's unpredictable Maurice, you don't know what she'll-."

"It's Faith, Ma!"

"Yes the same Faith that ran out on you. _And them_."

"She's their mother." The strength of his convictions are shaky at best and it makes me want to cry.

"What kind of mother has she been?"

"MA!" I jump when he yells.

"I know you love her, Baby."I watch his head drop to the floor. "I love Faith too. You know I do-."

"Yeah, you love her so much you think I should get an attorney." He mutters.

"What if she takes them Maurice? Have you thought of that?"

"Of course I've thought of that." He whispers painfully. "I just don't believe she'd do that to me."

"What's changed so much in five an a half years Maurice?"

"_I've_changed Rose." I whisper softly, making my way into the living room. Bosco's head rolls back and he lets out a long breath.

"Faith.." His remorsefully apologetic tone makes me wince.

"I'm sorry Dear, it had to be said." She mutters, her eyes averting from mine.

"I know Rose I understand." I do understand. I turn back to Bosco, his eyes trying not to be pleading. "I'm glad I have your trust Boz, even if I don't deserve it." The plea slips away and I see what I spent years trying not to. I'm startled by the unwavering love, before giving him a sweet smile. "I don't plan on going anywhere Rose. With or without the kids."

"I'm going out!" Comes the bellow down the hallway as my daughter blows through the tense living room.

"Like hell you are!" The switch in Bosco's eyes makes me laugh.

"You said I wasn't in trouble anymore!"

"It's still a school night."

"Bosco I have a 4.0. I think I've earned a movie."

"Yeah well.." My eyes widen as the two of them finish the sentence in unison. "..Rudy Granger got straight A's in seventh grade."

"Yeah I know." Emily continues. "You've told me a few times. If I promise not to steal an orange in fifteen years can I go see a movie?"

"What movie?"

"W."

"Oh Maurice that looks good let her go!"

"Ma!"

"It's educational."

"Who are you going with?"

"Julie."

"For real Julie or pretend Julie?"

"Call." She tosses her hand up in the air like he does.

"I will." He huffs, pulling a twenty out of his wallet.

"I have money." My daughter balks, rolling her eyes.

"Good!" Bosco gives her a goofy look. "Ma! Here's twenty dollars. Go see a movie." Emily's shoulders sag towards the ground. "I hear W's playing."

Rose raises an eyebrow before turning towards Emily. Who looks at her pleadingly.

"Ah come on Sweetie I'll buy you a popcorn." She giggles, pushing Em towards the door.

"Boz?" Something strikes me.

"Humm?"

"How do you know?" I ask him slowly.

"What about the movie?"

"About Rudy Granger?" His head bobs down again.

"Long story."

"I haven't thought of him in a long time." I grin, moving towards him.

"I think about him all the time."

"Why?"

"It was-." He shakes his head, looking over my shoulder for a minute. "That day.."

I nod when he looks back at me, remembering him looking at me from the sink.

"We almost died. Twice."

I nod again.

"It seemed so big at the time you know? Before Cruz and Knoble and.. everything.."

I can't seem to stop nodding.

"I um.. went to see his Mom. She.. told me about.." For a split second I think he means Knoble. "..straight A's in the seventh grade. We buried him the day after Richardson.."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask gently moving a little closer as he shrugs. "I would have come."

"I know." He croaks out, his voice lifting at the end. "Faith?"

"Boz?"

"Promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Promise me you won't.."

"I won't take them." I force out the words, knowing I couldn't even if I wanted to. They wouldn't go with me. He shakes his head at me before I can tell him this.

"Promise me you won't go." His eyes click up to mine and I can feel the strength pour out of me as I gather him in my arms.

"Boz.."

"Promise me Faith." His voice is muffled by my chest.

"I swear." I squeeze my eyes shut tightly. "I swear."

"Kay." He sighs, relaxing against me. "Kay."

* * *


	15. Chapter 15

"How was the movie?"

"Funny." She looks at me sternly. "Would have been funnier if you wouldn't have stuck me with Grandma."

I shrug my shoulders before patting the seat next to me.

"Come sit."

"What did I do?"

"Nothin'" I sigh, my eyes absorbing the innocent look on her face.

"Where's mom?" Her eyes dart down the hall and I realize she thinks she's taken off again.

"Asleep." I hold her eyes, watching them dart from me to the floor.

"In your bed?"

"Does that bother you?"

"I don't know." She looks back at the ground. "No."

"No?" She shakes her curly head and I pat the spot beside me again. Tossing my arm around her as she drops beside me.

"You can do what you want."

"She's.. " I don't really know what comes next, Emmy's eyes seek out mine. "She doesn't want to be alone right now." I rub my face. "And to be honest Em neither do I." We sit in silence for a few minutes. "It's a lot to take in, Sweetie."

"Are you still mad at her?"

"Yes." I don't hesitate and Emily nods, laying her head on my shoulder. I kiss the top of it. "I'm mad at her. I'm worried about her. I'm frustrated.. I'm lots of things. "

"Me too." My daughter whispers.

"I understand if you wanna stay with Carlos and Holly for a while." I pull back to see her. "I'd miss you like crazy, but I'd understand. I'd be okay Em. You wouldn't have to worry about me, or Charlie."

"I'm not." She lies. I grin at her. "I mean-. I don't know what I mean."

"You don't have to. It's really complicated."

"Father Jack said we could talk about it." She confesses, chewing on her bottom lip.

"He told me." I nod.

"Every time I look at her I think of right after she left." I swallow hard. "The press conference. Sully and Davis holding the stacks of fliers. Dad rubbing his hands together on the bench. You rocking back and forth on the chair.."

The memory invades my senses. I can hear the soft sound of Sully breathing over my shoulder. I can smell the sourness of dried vomit on my collar. I can taste the coffee Davis poured me to get the taste out of my mouth. I can feel my heart pounding, watching the tiles wax and wane as I pushed forward and fell back to it's rhythm.

"I remember feeling so numb." She tells me. She was numb? I was on fire. "That's how I feel every time I look at her." I close my eyes and hold her closer. "Numb."

"If I could make this better I would."

"I know."

"She's your mom Em. She's still your mom and she's just as confused as you are. 'Cept. she feels guilty on top of it" She contemplates this for a minute before turning to look at me.

"Did she tell you why?"

"I think you should ask her." She stares at me for a second, probably trying to decide if I know what she wants to know or not. "You have to talk to her Em. With Father Jack if that's what you want.. But you have to start talking to her."

My daughter nods against me, sniffing back tears as I run my fingers through her hair.

* * *

I don't know when we fell asleep, but I wake up with a start. I ease Emily's weight off of me and slip off the couch. I drop a blanket over her before moving down the hall.

Those first days are still blurry in my mind. The impeccable clarity that I recalled Emily's moment scared me. The memories that followed me into my nap on the couch were equally vivid. I'd searched every piece of that city. We'd started in a 5 mile circle around where the cabbie remembered dropping her, increasing the grid as we canvassed. No one saw her. No one.

I remember walking until my feet bled. Sully and Davis pulling me back into their car, driving back to the station in an exhausted daze. I remember how heavy Swertsky's hand felt when it rested on my shoulder. I remember shoving Monroe when she tried to pull me off some guy who said he'd remember if he'd seen a hot little piece of ass like that.

I remember how I couldn't stop looking. Not to sleep, not to work, not to eat… not until the day Emily called screaming. Not till Fred was dead. Not till Swertsky met me at the station and said Fred's parents had refused to take them. Refused.

That was the night I came out of the daze. That was the night I became a father.

I tip toe past Charlie's room and ease my bedroom door open. She doesn't stir as I drop down beside the bed, looking at her with suddenly damp eyes. I almost expect to feel angry. Instead all I can muster is relief.

I wonder about her in those days. Where she was, what she went through. The though of her alone is what starts the actual tears down my cheeks. I press my lips together and resist touching her. Her eyes slip open anyway.

"Boz?" She blinks at me.

"Shh.." I smooth my hand down her arm before starting to stand. "Go back to sleep." She rolls back on the bed , making space for me.

"Come here." She mumbles sleepily, reaching her arms out. I go willingly, holding her tightly against my chest. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I promise kissing her hair line.

"This about earlier?"

"Shh.. I'm okay." I sniff again. "Go to sleep."

Her eyes study me for a second before drifting shut again. Her face nuzzles into my shoulder.

"Kay."

"Kay."


	16. Chapter 16

**So I've been watching the post 'lights up' Emily. This is the Emily that I am using. Lets just forget the sex-drugs-rock and roll Emily, or the Emily that got all redemptive after Faith took a bullet . Lets all think of relatively believable 12 year old angry Emmy.**

**Thank you!**

* * *

"'Lo?" I answered it automatically, everyone I wanted to talk to is here with me. I glance behind me where my mom and Charlie are playing checkers, just to be sure.

"Hey stranger."

"Lieutenant." I rub my face.

"Nope try again." I exhale slowly.

"Katie I can't really talk now."

"Can you talk ever?"

"I'm sorry."

"I just wanted to see how your first day went."

"Why? Sarge say something?"

"No." She pauses. "I was just wondering. Friend to friend."

"It went fine."

"Good." I watch the door in front of me intently. "Sam was glad to have you back. Harrison's tough on him."

"Harrison wants him to pull his pin cause he's sixty two and can still run a mile faster than his fat ass."I grumble.

"How stuff going at home?"

"Huh?" Damn door. Won't open. Damn door. What the hell could they possibly be talk-?

"Is stuff getting any better with Faith?" My mind snaps back when Katie says her name.

"What about her?" The door starts to open and I scramble to my feet.

"Are you going to even pretend to be listening right now?" Her eyes are bloodshot when she looks up at me.

"I gotta go." I close the phone with one hand and collect her against my chest with the other. "You okay?" She nods against me, her fingers bawling against the back of my shirt. "She talk to you?" She lets out a quick laugh that even more quickly turns into a sob. I hold her closer.

"She.. I.."

"Where is she?" I stare at the door again.

"Still talking to Father Jack."

"You want some air?" She nods quickly and I cast a look at my mom who nods before I grab our coats and tug her out the door.

We sit on the steps outside the rectory. I pull my coat on before closing hers around her.

"You wanna tell me about it?"

"You were there. I mean that's all she wanted to talk about. What I did to you. What I did to Fred and Charlie." She chokes out, rocking her body back and forth. "The priest kept saying _What about you? What about you?_ and she just kept bringing it back to everyone else."

"Sounds like something you'd do." I snort, shaking my head. "Worry about how it was effecting everyone else first."

"Yeah and look where it got me!" She snaps, rubbing her hand over her mouth again.

"Faith-."

"I'm gonna be sick." She mumbles launching herself off the steps before bending over a trashcan. Faith throwing up is something I've seen all too often. For weeks when she was pregnant. When she had cancer. The night after the New Years Eve party when I carried her home over my shoulder. I sigh, hauling myself off the step and starting toward her.

"Maurice!" My mother's voice stops me. I turn at the urgency. "You better come."

I know enough about my Ma's panicked voice to know she means it. I look at Faith one more time before climbing the steps.

Ma's got Charlie pressed to her chest, her arms wrapped around the front of him. I follow his eyes to the door before I can actually hear my daughter. Crying hysterically.

I make my way through the door into Jack's office, watching him try and calm her.

"Em?" I whisper, dropping in front of her and taking her by the shoulders.

"I didn't mean to." She sobs.

"What?"

"I didn't know she'd leave."

"Emmy what are you talking about."

"I didn't really hate her."

"I know."

"I didn't really.." She looks at me and I pull her off the couch and onto the floor with me.

"Emmy. Shh. It's okay."

"I was bad." She whispers like a little girl. "I just wanted her to notice me." She chokes. "I didn't want her to leave."

"Sweetie, it's not your fault."

"It is..I was.. "

"You were twelve years old Emily." Jack tells her softly.

"Shh.. Emmy that was a long time ago." I cradle her like a baby, helplessly looking at Father Jack for help. "It's not your fault."

"I didn't want her to leave." She murmurs.

"Em-ly it wasn't your fault." Faith's voice surprises me. I bite back the urge to tell her to get out. Jack shakes his head at me slowly, reading my mind. He gestures for her to come closer and she tentatively does. Em squeezes her eyes shut and her arms tighten around me. "Emily look at me." Her eyes peel open as Faith sits down next to me on the floor. "None of this was your fault. It was my fault."

"I was so mean to you." Emily whimpers.

"Your a teenager, you were supposed to be mean to me." Faith tries to smile, failing miserably."This was me Em." She nods as I stare at her. "I didn't like myself very much."

"Why?"

She shrugs, folding one leg under another and slipping her fingers through Emily's hair.

"It was like I was loosing control of everything." She sniffs her head wobbling from side to side, Em and I watch motionlessly. "I tried to be a good wife and I lose my place at work. I tried to be a good partner and I loose my place at home. I.. " She furrows her brow, staring at the floor beneath us. "It's like, when you go to the beach and you pick up sand and it starts to slip through your fingers and the tighter you hold it the more little cracks you find and it all just slips away.."

"I couldn't do my job. I lost my partner, my best friend. Hell.." She laughs looking up a me quickly. "My only damn friend." I smile sadly back at her. "Then when I thought I was going to loose my family.." She looks at Emily. "What the hell was I supposed to do?" She huffs out a breath and swallows another sob. "So I didn't think Emily. I didn't think. I just left."

Emily's hold on me lessons a little when Faith truly starts to sob. She's giving me room to reach for her, but I can't.

"I know now.." Faith cries. "I should have just called you." She shifts her eyes to me. "I should have just.. confronted Fred and told him to get out.. I should have..done so many things!"

"Faith.." I whisper.

"But I didn't and I'm sorry. I couldn't and I.. I don't know why.." She shakes her head, wiping her face quickly with the back of her sleeve. "I just couldn't keep it together. I couldn't get control..."

"Faith.." I plead, my fingers gripping her upper arm.

"I'm so sorry." She looks behind both of us, again struggling for control. "I just couldn't get it all to work. I couldn't-. I failed you.. all of you."

"Faith stop." I move my hand to her face and it jars her gaze towards us.

"It's okay." Emmy whispers scrambling towards her mother. "It's okay."

"I'm so sorry. I tried so hard." I slip my hand into her hair as she drops her head to Emily's shoulder. "Emmy I.."

"Shh.." I whisper pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Faith it's over." I pull back and kiss my daughter. "It's over."

* * *

I'm sitting at the kitchen table watching Faith, Em and Charlie rocking slowly back and forth on the porch swing in the back yard. She's smiling, Emily's head resting on her shoulder as she cups Charlie's face in her hands.

"Maurice."

"Yeah?"

"You're going to be late."

"I know. I'm.."

"I was wrong." My Ma puts her chin on the top of my head, draping her arms around my shoulders. I clasp her hands in mine. "About Faith."

"You were just trying to protect them."

"And you." She squeezes our joined fingers.

"And me." I sigh.

"She's got a lot to get through Maurice."

"I know, Ma."

"I want more Grandkids." She mutters as she pulls back and slugs my shoulder. "You're gonna be late for work."

"I know, Ma."

"Which one?" She squawks.

"Both." I grin, watching my family swing slowly back and forth.


	17. Chapter 17

It's cold.

That's the first thing I think when my eyes slip open, slowly taking in the room around me. Emily's room. My daughter stirs, pulling her comforter further off my body. She always did this, even when she was little. I had a habit of curling up beside her after a fight with Fred, or a hard shift, but by the middle of the night I'd wake up freezing and find her cocooned in her blankets, as snug as she is right now.

I can't help but smile, brushing her hair off her cheek and kissing it before making my way out of her room. I open Charlie's door enough to see his face. It's amazing really how they always look like babies when they're asleep.

It's not that late, I realize when I make my way into Bosco's bedroom. He'll be home in half an hour or so. I grab one of Boz's sweatshirts from his drawer, pulling it over my head and head down the hall.

"I thought you were sleeping." Rose gasps, her hands jumping up from the kitchen table, startled.

"Sorry." I grin. "I was. Em stole the blankets."

Rose gives me a gentle grin. I look at the clock again before the phone on the wall catches my eye.

"He called on his meal." She says with words Bosco must have taught her along the way. "Told me not to wake you."

"You stay here every time he works third watch?" I pull out a chair joining her at the table, watching the knitting needles move steadily in her hands.

"Evenings I stay here. Nights they come to my house." She nods.

"They have to do nights?"

"Three weeks of days, two of evenings, one of nights."

"That's the most bizarre thing.." I let my voice trail off.

"He thought so too at first, but it's pretty family friendly. The 122 is pretty big on that."

"Suburban mentality?"

"Maybe." She nods too hard, her body rocking forward and back.

"You like it here Rose? On the island?" She tilts her head to one side before shrugging, her eyes never leaving the tips of her needles. I watch too as she loops little pieces of yarn together.

"I like it just fine." She decides. "Different, not better or worse really. Not for me. For Maurice.. I think he misses the action of the city. For the kids, I think it's the best thing for them."

"I can't imagine him out here. Traffic stops and missing car stereos all day."

"It's still New York. He gets his share of family issues."

"Ugh. Domestics! His favorite." I moan, my lips parting into a grin. In my mind I see him holding up Clare's lamp. _This doesn't go with my drapes._ "Fred always wanted a house on the island." When I say his name I look away from her, out into the living room. When I look back she nods.

"Not you?"

"I didn't want to leave.."

"You grew up in that building.." She remembers with another short shrug.

"No. Not the building." I think of the Sargent's test, how I stared at the paper, tapping the edge of the paper with the tip of the pencil until it was full of black dots. What I never told Fred was I hadn't answered one question. I hadn't wanted to be there at all. "My partner.." Tears come to my eyes when I remember watching him through the windows. Watching Swertsky lay into him. Watching his lonely eyes stare. "I couldn't leave him there alone."

Rose says nothing.

"What a difference a year can make huh?" It sounds stupid even to me, but she says nothing. Her gaze rises to a flash of light in towards the front of the house. I hear the soft sound of the Mustang's engine going quiet. I quickly dry my eyes.

"Good night, Faith." She sighs, patting my arm before gathering up her knitting and hurrying to the front door. "Good night Maurice."

"Ma?" I keep my eyes focused on where she had been a few seconds before, listening to his puzzled voice. "Faith?" He drops his garment bag over the side of the chair she just vacated. "I thought you went to bed?"

My mouth twiches into a brief smile when I look up at him.

"I got cold." My voice is warm and it makes him smile as he tugs off his gloves.

"My Ma give you trouble?" He lets his coat drop off of his shoulders.

"Nah." I shake my head, gathering his things up as I stand and moving them towards the coat closet.

"She sure ran out of here." He raises his eyebrows, taking off his gun belt and checking the safety on his weapon.

"It's been a long day." I sigh, pulling down the gun box and setting it on the counter. He presseshis piece in closing it up and handing it to me like we've done this a thousand times. We have done it a few times. Mostly when he'd been hurt and I'd taken him home, but it's not like it was a routine we'd well rehearsed. It's just us. Just how we do things. Even now after all the time apart we're a duet. I stop and look at him.

He looks back at me expectantly.

"I failed the Sargent's test on purpose." I confess, like it was yesterday and not almost seven years ago. He blinks, but doesn't miss a beat.

"I know." He waits.

"I didn't want to leave you. I knew that ESU wasn't going to happen...and I wanted..to.."

"I know." He repeats.

"Okay." I nod, swallowing despite the tightness of my throat.

"Okay." He nods back, I turn slowly putting the gun box away and shutting the door of the closet. I beat him to the garment bag, starting down the hall with it. "I didn't really want ESU without you anyway." He whispers after me. I stop for a minute before continuing down the hall and hanging the bag on the back of the door. "I'm sorry about anti-crime." He tells me, six years too late. But I nod anyway, studying the zipper on the bag like it can explain how we got so far off course. "I would have been there.." He's right behind me, I can feel him trying to decide if he should reach out or not. "..when you came back." He puts his hand on my shoulder and tugs till I turn to face him. "I would have been there if you would have let me."

I nod, not trusting any attempt to actually speak. He nods back, taking my hand and pulling me to the bed. He pulls back the covers and guides me under them before laying on top of the comforter beside me stroking my bangs off my forehead.

"You think we would have gotten it back?" I whisper, swallowing as he brushed back the tears from my temple. He nods, his eyes serious as he presses his lips to mine. It's a comforting kiss and I let it calm me.

"We would have gotten it back." His voice is steady. He grins moving his lips to my forehead. I close my eyes, sighing as they refuse to open again. "Go back to sleep."

"Where are you going?"

"Shower."

"Hurry up." I whisper, my voice already slipping into unconsciousness. "I'll get cold."

* * *


	18. Chapter 18

I bit the edge of my lip, twisting the piece of paper in my hands. My hand lifts to knock before dropping back down again.

_That bitch Caroline_, as I'd called her for the past five plus years, now had a last name.

Hanagan.

And if I could just bring myself to knock, I could finally put a face with the name. I've spent years thinking about her, wondering who she was, how he'd met her, what she'd though when her lover's wife had suddenly vanished. The last piece of the puzzle fell into place with a clunk in Em's bedroom last night.

_"I knew about Caroline." I'd whispered softly._

_"Caroline?" Emily blinked at me._

_"Your dad's girlfriend."_

_"Dad had a girlfriend?"_

_"You knew her.."_

_"I..Caroline.. " She screwed her face up, trying to remember. "Charlie's speech therapist?"_

_"Charlie's.."_

_"__Mrs. Hanagan. __He loved her. He missed her so much when he stopped.." Her grin faded. "Dad was seeing Mrs. Hanagan?_"

I raise my hand again to knock and the door swings open.

"Oh!" The woman before me jumps as she pushes an older boy past me out the door. "Sorry."

"No.. I'm.." I shake my head.

"Henry don't stop anywhere. Go straight to the library."

"What ever." The boy grumbles back.

"Kids." She mutters, looking at me with a sly grin. "You got any?"

"Two." My annoyed New York accent taps out of my mouth.

"Can I help you?"

"Do I look familiar to you?" I ask boldly, squaring my shoulders.

"Should you?"

"You were sleeping with my husband." I nod. Her lips part slowly as her eyes squint.

"Oh my god."

"Faith Yokas." I keep my eyes trained on her shocked face.

"You're alive?"

"Last time I checked, yes."

* * *

"We.. umm.. God this is weird."_ Tell me about it Caroline._"We went out a few times when Charlie first started therapy. He and Henry are the same age."

"Charlie was five." I stare at her, she nods. "This went on for two years?"

"On and off."

"On and off?" I shake my head.

"He said you were having problems."

"We were." I practically shout. "I should have kicked his ass out when I had the-."

"It was about the kids." She nods. "Why he stayed."

"Was it about the kids when he wanted to reinvent our marriage? He was his own personal Viagra add!" The other woman's eyes drop to the floor.

"He was ready to leave.. then something happened with you and your partner..." Something happened alright... Implosion. "He decided that he had to give it everything he had. You finally decided to, _after all these years._ That's what he said. That you'd chosen him." I blink my eyes. "He was ending it the night you got shot. He was with me, telling me it was over, when he got the call." She looks up at me. "He picked you."

"But I heard him." I whisper. "I heard him say he was talking to a lawyer about the kids. That my kids missed you.."

"I've met your daughter twice." She shakes her head. "You misunderstood."

I _misunderstood?_ Are you fucking kidding me?

"But he said they missed you.." I squint my eyes until they shut. That was what he said right? Maybe..

"_Charlie misses you_.." She mutters airly. My eyes shoot back open. "He said '_Charlie just misses you_' He called me.. said he.. you were talking about going back to work and he..." She shook her head again. "I wasn't taking him back. It was just.. It was the same old shit. He was leaving you. _This time he meant it._. but he never meant it."

"You loved him?"

"I don't know." She looked out the window. "I thought I did." I watch her brow furrow. "It was... I cried when I heard he died.."

* * *

His partner, he assures me, is not as old as he looks. I'm doubting that again as their squad pulls up at a little cafe just off the Verrazano. Boz is out of the car before the guy stops it. Somethings never change and right now I'm glad.

"I told you it was stupid." He says flippantly, his seriously concerned eyebrows canceling out his tone. He shakes his head, his mouth in a serious line. "Are you okay?"

I nod. He keeps staring until I can't hide anymore, pressing my hands into my face, curling my fingers around my eyes. I can't see him, but I know what he's doing, his chest has puffed out a little as his head swings back involuntarily before he reaches for me. I know I'm right when his hands come down firmly on my shoulders.

"Did you eat?" He whispers, letting go of one shoulder and sliding his arm around me when I shake my head. "This place.. has deceptively good burgers."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He smiles at me. "Sam.. this is my-." He stops licking his lips lightly as his head bobs down. "This is Faith."

"Nice to meet you." If he's ever heard my name before he doesn't show it. Simply nods, pulling his cap off his head. "Sam Gilliard."

"You been partnered with this guy long?" I chuck my thumb at Bosco's gut. He smiles at my familiar gesture.

"Three years." Sam nods.

"How many he go through before you stuck?" I raise my eyebrow.

"Lots." Bosco interrupts when Sam politely blushes for him. "Let's eat."

* * *

I was in my jeep and half way back to South Beach before I put my writers instincts to work deciphering Sam Gillard's character.

Bosco's partner is a lot John Sullivan and a little Steven Gustler. How they've gotten by all this time I have no idea. His instincts are dead on, like Sully's, but he's almost bumbling. Lets just say I can see him pissing himself in a shoot out with the Russian mob and the 2-9ers. Not that they get a lot of that on Staten Island. He has Bosco pegged though, watching him closely for the first sign of trouble. Like at my resurrecting traffic stop just one incredibly long week ago, his hand was on his weapon at the moment of Bosco's not so obvious distress. He'd read my partner like a book, and that makes me a little less concerned with his age.

He's ten months from pulling his pin, he told me before taking an inhuman sized bit of his hamburger. Forty years on the job. Started right out of High School, back when they still did that. He was in the academy with Davis' old man. Maggie Sullivan was the one who asked him to take Bosco on, apparently she has a knack for assigning people to their correct partners.

He calls him Maurice cause that's his name. He's not into nick names, they tried calling him Gill, but he hated it. A man should be proud of his name, even if it's Maurice. He poked his finger at Boz when he told me this, and I couldn't help but grin.

Boz says he runs like five miles a day.

'Inhumanly fast.' Bosco said.

'Like a gazelle?' I'd asked and Boz had looked at me like I was the most amazing thing he'd ever seen.

'He's a boxer Faith.' He'd told me. I think he knows I'm nervous about him.

'Yeah?'

'You good with the gloves?' Sam asked politely swallowing another massive bite.

'Used to be.'

I used to be a lot of things, I decide. And I'm sick of it.

That's why I'm in Bosco's basement beating the hell out of a body bag Rose told me was down here.

"Faith?" He calls tentatively from the stairs.

"Basement." I pant.

He meets me on the landing, holding the bag for me while I try to kill it.

"Keep your hands up before I hurt you." I mutter, slicing downward to avoid his fingers. He streaches them back up with a scowl.

"Ma says you've been down here since dinner." He tells me, his hands moving back down.

"Keep your arms up!" I scold, he holds the bag to himself his arms slipping down even further.

"Faith. It's almost midnight."

"Damn it Bosco if your going to hold the bag do it right!" He rolls his eyes when I yell, pulling away and putting on my old punch mits.

"Come on." He tells me, gesturing me away from the bag with his head. I scowl at him until he repeats the gesture. "Come on, Yokas show me what you got."

"You kept my equipment?" I grunt hauling off and slugging the mits.

"I kept your everything." He mutters pushing forward again.

"Why?" I grit my teeth and hit harder.

"We've been through this. It was your stuff."

"I left it." I bounce back onto my rear leg and look at him.

"Well I couldn't. Come on keep your head down." He knocks me in the temple lightly with the mit.

"Sam doesn't know who I am."

"Nope." Bosco quips backing up with my advance enough to let me keep my rhythm.

"Why?" Thump thump hop.

"Cause after the six people I road with at the 122, Sully thought I should try a different path. Start fresh." Bang. Bang.

"And you listened?" Thump thump hop.

"It was either that or quit. So yeah." Bang. Bang.

"Who'd you ride with at the 55?" Thump thump hop.

"Monroe." Bang-. "Till she died."

I stumble out of the rhythm, my hands dropping.

"What?"

"While I was on medical after I got shot. She was riding solo. They found her dead in our RMP."

"Boz.."

"Come on Yokas. " He gestures to my gloved hands.

"Bosco."

"She was IAB."

"What?"

"Turns out she was a rat."

"Wha-?"

"It was about Cruz."

"Who killed her?"

"Don't care." He gestures to my hands again. "Rat."

"So who'd you ride with when you got back?"

"Never went back to the 55." He shrugs.

"Boz.."

"Yokas.." He huffs, his eyes going soft when I grimace. "What?"

"I hate hearing it. After today, I don't want to hear that name.."

He shrugs, deciding I'm done and dropping the mits off.

"Change it." He looks at his red hands. "You did it before."

"I would be weird now. Having a different name then the kids.."

"You already do." He shrugs again. I meet his eyes. "They use Boscorelli." I blink at him. "If you're done being pissed at the world? I need a shower."

He's half way up the stairs when I find my voice.

"Bosco.." He turns his head slightly over his shoulder. "Thanks for.." I lift the gloves. Sparing me? Stopping me? Not being able to get rid of my stuff? "Thanks."

"Come upstairs you're worn out."

* * *


	19. Chapter 19

Damn that girl has a mean left jab. I can't stop rubbing at my wrists.

The thing about my partner is she stuffs all her unwanted frustration as deep as she can. When she's upset the more she tries to stuff it down, the more it spills over into everything she does.

From everything to boxing to eating. I watched her today at dinner the way she treated her french fries made me cringe. When she waged war against the catchup bottle I knew I was in trouble.

I told her going to see Fred's..mistress? whore? girlfriend? What ever the hell she was, I told her it was a mistake. She's looking for someone to blame and Fred's dead. She needs to make it someones fault. That's Faith. It's how she copes.

I stretch my arms back over my head and rub at my wrist again.

"You're such a baby." She murmurs into the dark room.

"Don't you ever sleep?"

"You had mits." She ignores my jab.

"You hit hard." I state the obvious. She knows she hits hard.

"Baby." She shoots back before sighing. I'm waiting for her to talk, rolling my eyes at the ceiling when she doesn't.

"I told you not to go."

"I had to."

"Why?"

"I don't know." She snaps."To make me feel better."

"How'd that work for you?" I snap back.

"Father Jack wants me to go to an alanon meeting." She says softly, causing me mental whiplash.

"Huh?"

"He suggested.." She stops, huffing again before propping herself up on one arm and looking at me.

"You wanna go?"

"I don't know what else to do." She shrugs. " It's a group for people who's parents were drunks or drug abusers."

"Yeah?"She watches me, her wide eyes slightly unfocused in the dark.

"I though.." She swallows. "You could come with me."

I am about to protest. I'm about to say I don't need a meeting. I'm about to say my mother isn't an alcoholic.. anymore. I'm about to say a lot of things that will get me out of this current Pandora's box. But she's just looking at me, her lip trapped between those snow white teeth.

"We could do that." I exhale, watching her blink at me in surprise.

"Really?"

"Yeah.. Why?" I smile. "You thought I'd say no and you'd have an excuse not to go?"

"Maybe.." She grins back. "You'll really go?"

I nod and she nods back, dropping her head to the pillow again. Her now free hand drops onto my chest, rubbing it lightly with her thumb.

"Kay." She whispers nuzzling her face into my shoulder. I turn and kiss her forehead.

"Kay." I mirror her. "Go to sleep Rocky."

Her soft laugh makes me smile wider as my eyes slip shut.

* * *

Okay, so maybe I don't know her as well as I think I do. I keep my eyes on the road, my hands planted firmly on the wheel. I love her car. I should have bought a jeep a long time ago. She shrugged when I told her this, muttering something about country roads and snow.

It's a really nice jeep. Really nice. Real- crap this is ridiculous. She's sitting next to me, playing with her hands. Completely obsessed. I can almost hear inside her head.

_This are really dry hands.. really dry.._

"So." She jumps, I give her a quick glance. "I went... good."

Her shoulders droop, as her hands fall away.

"It made you uncomfortable."

"No." I lie. She turns her head and stares at me until the stop sign. I turn to look at her. "Yes." She looks back at her hands. "A little."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't-. I just didn't think you'd talk so much." I try to sound gentle. "Or.. at all."

"Me neither." She admits softly.

"I mean you haven't really said anything about... Maryland.."

"I know." She moans, putting her hands on her face.

"And then in a room full of strangers.." They'd all listened, nodding their heads in solidarity. "You just bust into five years in review.."

"I'm sorry."

"You're not usually so-."

"I know!" She tosses her hand away from her face and turns to look at me again. "I don't know! I don't know what came over me! They were all talking about all these... private things and no one was shocked or judgmental. No one said 'I can't believe you did that'. It just seemed so..!"

"Safe?" I venture when she stops speaking. She deflates, her eyes focusing back on her hands.

"Yeah." She whispers.

"Did it make you feel.. better?" I venture.

"Sort of." She decides. I reach out and separate her hands from each other, folding mine around one.

"Good.. then it was worth going."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah.."

"You want me to go by myself next time don't you." She's smiling, thank god.

"God yes." I smile too.

"That'd be okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She squeezes my hand, smiling softly.

"You wanna go into the city on Saturday?" Saturday. Shit. "I wanna go by the old neighborhood. Maybe see Sully and Davis?"

"I.." Shit. Shit. "I can't on Saturday.. I've got-."

"Plans?" She whispers unsure.

"Work."

"I thought you were off?"

"I am.. it's a side job."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." I plow through any other questions she may have. "We could do Sunday though. With 55Charlie? I say we don't tell them. Make it a surprise."

"That's cruel."

"That's how I found out." I point out.

"Still."

"Sully's not that old yet. I'm sure his heart can take it.." She laughs. "Pretty sure anyway."

"Boz!" I squeeze her hand again.

"It'll be fun."

"You're sadistic."

* * *


	20. Chapter 20

"Hey Ma."

"You're going to be late."

"You sound like a broken record." I mutter, moving past her into the hall.

"Well it wasn't a problem before." I hear her and Faith giggle. I look at my watch, I'm gonna be late.

"I told you not to come till six. The kids have stuff after school remember?" I call, wrapping my gun belt around my waist before checking the safety.

"I thought I'd come early and take Faith shopping." Her voice is musical, it makes my heart stop. Shit. Shit. "Buy her a nice dress.." Damn. "For Saturday."

"Again with Saturday. What's happening Saturday?" Faith asks. I grab my garment bag and hurry back down the hall. "What kinda side job needs me in a dress?"

"He does security every other month for family day at Eger."

"Eger?"

"It's a rehabilitation center."

"It's an old folks home." I mutter, moving through the living room, kissing my Ma on the cheek before stopping in front of Faith.. "Can I take your car?" She nods and I kiss her cheek too.

"My aunt lives there-. Oh Maurice stop kissing her like you kiss your mother!" She squawks before starting back to her tale. Faith's lips twitch. "She's been there eight years now and I-." I wrap my hand around Faith's neck and pull her mouth to mine. She makes a surprised squeak before kissing me back. My mom gasps.

"Don't wait up." I raise my eyebrows at her before hurrying out the door.

"I.. I.. um.. go up there as much as I can. Maurice takes the kids up for Family Day..."

* * *

"Your girlfriends sure somethin'" Sam tells me softly, pulling out into traffic.

"Yup." I almost feel guilty not telling him. Maybe after Sullivan and Davis know. I don't want the whole 122 talking about it before the guys from the old house have a clue. It was hard enough to keep Katie from telling.

"She make you late today?" He raises an eyebrow at me and I smile.

"Something like that." I grin. _No, Partner. Actually we were at an Al-anon meeting where she was telling complete strangers about how she waited tables in four different truck stops until she managed to hitch all the way to Maryland where she worked as a bartender in a strip club that she lived in until she made enough money to rent a cabin where she became a best selling author. How was your morning?_

"The youth is wasted on the young Maurice." Sam shakes his head slowly.

"Helen doesn't ever make you late?"

"You ever known me to be late?"

"Nope." I chuckle. "I thought maybe it's because your such a fast guy."

"Speed isn't' everything." He winks at me. "Some things you gotta just take slow."

_Slow. Yeah.. slow.. like not making out in front of your mom? _Well she asked for it. I decide with a smirk.

I look up at my partner's kind face, I gotta tell him about Faith. I know I do. He watches the light turn green and moves out into traffic, slowing down it the intersection waiting for a guy to parallel park. I roll my eyes at the jackoff's second attempt, he must be from out of state. That'll give me enough time to tell him the whole ugly story and then some.

"Sam.." That's when the lights catch my eye. "Sam." My voice rises as the set of headlights continue through the intersection. My eyes close instinctively.

"Damn." My partner curses and the car jerks into reverse. Metal meets metal. Glass explodes. No matter how many times you hear it it's always scary as hell.

"Marice? Maurice. Damn it." His voice fades away. "122-Edward 10-13. We've been involved in an MVA at.. damn it.. Highland and.. Steuben. My partners been injured. Damn it." Then there is nothing.

* * *

Someone hit me with something.

"That's an ugly one."

I'm going to kill them.

"He's had worse."

"I think he's coming around."

I think I'm coming around too. Now shut up.

"''Bout damn time."

_Sully._

"Will you cut him a break? It looks pretty bad."

_Davis.._

"I'm sick of being dispatched all the way across the river every time Bosco gets a boo boo." The voices now have names.

"Yeah I can tell you were really put out. The way you did ninety with lights and sirens the whole time."

_Awh.. you do care. Now shut up. _

"For a bump on his head." Sully snaps.

A central thought enters my aching head. As nice as it is to have friends that would speed across a bridge for you? I want Faith. Ironic, since her speeding across the same bridge is why I have her back in the first place. I work on getting my lips to move while the Honeymooners keep arguing.

"He waking up?" Wrong partner, but it's nice to know the old man's okay.

"Hey Sam."

"I think so." Ty says again. "Bosco? You in there?"

I move my lips again.

"Should I go get someone?" Sam asks.

"Nah. He could take all night." Sully's voice huffs as chair creeks beneath him.

"Did anyone call his girl?" Now we're getting somewhere.

"I didn't want to freak Emmy out." Ty whispers smartly. "I left Rose a message on her cell."

"No. Not his daughter. His girlfriend."

"Bosco has a girlfriend?" Sully growls.

I push my tongue through my lips.

"Faith.." I manage to squeak out.

"Awh shit not again.." Sully moans.

"He hit his head Sul he's confused." Ty reasons.

"I'm not going through this with him again."

"Faith.." I breath again.

"Yeah that's it." Sam smiles. "Faith. Her name is Faith."

"Davis!" Sully snaps. My heads going to explode.

"Bosco's dating some woman named Faith?"

"Is she real?" Sully asks hotly. "Cause if she's not real he's going to Bellview for sure."

"She's real." Shut up.

"Sully calm down."

"Davis he's dating someone named Faith!" _Faith.._

"He's awake." Ty mutters and I look up at the three worried faces hovering above me. "Bosco?"

"Davis.." I swallow despite the fact my throat is dry as hell. "Call.."

"Guys?" _Thank God. _"Rose said you guys-? Oh my God is he okay?"

"See I told you she was real." Sam mumbles half heartedly. Sully and Davis's heads snap away from me towards the door. "The doctor says he's fine."

"Faith.." I call again, the clarity of the moment becoming more focused.

"Boz? I'm right here." I close my eyes and feel her hand on my face.

"Crap."

"What happened?"

"Yokas?" Davis squeaks.

"Crap."

"Faith?" Davis squeaks again.

"We got hit pretty good. I tried to pull us back but there was no where to go." Sam's looking at her apologetically. Davis and Sullivan are looking at her like she's from Neptune. She's looking at me. "Maurice didn't have his seat belt on. He hit his head pretty hard on the dashboard."

"Umm...Can we stop for a- Faith?" Davis scrunches his face up again. Sully's mouth is hanging open. I grin widely.

"What are you smiling at!?" Faith asks me in irritation. I keep grinning, gripping her arm with one hand while I raise a pointed finger towards 55Charlie, waving it back and forth slowly between the two of them.

"They think your dead." I chuckle.

She looks up her eyes looking almost as startled as Ty and Sully's. _Almost._

"He awake?" Carlos's voice from the door makes everyone's shocked expression turn towards the door.

"Yup." Sam says softly after no one else says anything. I chuckle again. "Kinda delirious if you ask me."

"Is he alright?"

"It's just a concussion, Faith." Carlos says easily.

"Wait.. Wait.." Ty gestures between the two of them. "Why aren't you surprised to see her?"

"Emily told me."

"Emily told you that her mother was alive and you didn't tell me?"

"Well I was gonna post it on my Facebook but I-." Carlos teases. "Are you always going to be a fourteen year old girl?"

"Why did my daughter tell you?" Faith asks befuddled. I chuckle again.

"She's my babysitter."

"You have a kid?" She asks, brows arching

"I have three." He rolls his eyes.

"You have three kids? That's unbelievable." Faith mutters. I laugh out loud at that clutching Faith's arm with one hand and my head with the other. She looks back at me with familiar concern.

"Almost as unbelievable as lets say.. someone you think has been dead for five years waltzing into a hospital room and acting like she was never gone!" Sully shouts finally finding his voice for something other than the word crap.

"Make them stop shouting." I laugh looking at my current partner. Sam shrugs at me in confusion.

Faith, Sully and Davis continue to shout at each other.

"I was gonna tell you.." I whisper to Sam. "She's Em and Charlie's mom."

"I thought she died." Sam says casting a glance at Faith before looking back at me.

"We all did." Sully growls.

"It's a long story." I say to him before looking back at Sam. "Really long. I was going to tell you."

"You can tell me on Monday when you get back to work. While you're putting on your seat belt" Sam nods, narrowing his eyes at me. I nod back. "Nice meeting you Mrs. Boscorelli." He says to Faith patting her arm as he makes his way out the door. I start laughing again at the see of jaws dropping above me. Faith gives me a quick once over.

"Carlos are you sure he's okay?" She asks softly.

"I told you this would be fun." I laugh raising an eyebrow at her before closing them tightly, trying to hold in my exploding brain.

"He's fine." Carlos muttered. I pull Faith's fingers to my lips and kiss them still chuckling to myself.


	21. Chapter 21

We'd just gotten home when Rose realized she had a message. Charlie and Emily were due home any minute. I was pulling out a few things for dinner when she came back in. Her face ashen.

I'd froze. Blinking at the familiar expression. She lifted the phone back to her ear and called the house asking for an RMP to be sent right away.

"Go." She'd said to me after whispering there had been a car accident.

"Rose you should-."

"Faith go." She'd yanked me to the door way, thrusting my jacket into my hand. "Call me."

I had forgotten that I didn't know her number. Sully read it to me off of his cell phone. I ran my hand over my face while it rang.

"_Mom_?" Emmy shouts when she picks it up on the first ring.

"He's okay."

"_Really_?"

"Yeah. They wanna keep him another hour and then we'll be home."

"_Are Sully and Davis still there_?" I look over at Davis who's still bickering with Carlos.

"Yeah." My gaze moves to Sully he's calling the 55 to report in, still eying me suspiciously. "No Sir. He's fine. We just wanna make sure we get him home safely. Yes sir. Do you want me to send Davis back with the RMP?" He's glaring now. I look away.

"_Are they going to bring you guys home?_" She pauses. "_Katie and Sam dropped off your jeep_."

"Yeah." I press my lips closed, realizing for the first time that my keys aren't in the clear plastic bag the nurse handed me.

"_I bet they were surprised._"She whispers. "_Sully and Ty_."

"I better go Em."

"_Okay_."

"Bye."

"_Mom_?"

"Emmy I should go."

"_Are **you** okay_?" I'm about to tell her I'm fine, but Father Jack's drilled honesty into me during our first conversation.

"I don't know yet." Bosco was hurt. It was scary. Ty and Sully are watching me like a hawk. The guilt floods back almost as fast as the fear dissipates.

"_So.. your coming home soon_?" I'm about to remind her that I said Boz was fine. Until I realize that's not what she's asking. She's making sure that_ I'm_ coming home. I wonder if that's why she wanted Sully and Davis to bring us. Insurance? Or maybe even a support system for Bosco? I wonder how long my being upset will be linked to me leaving in my daughter's mind.

"Yeah." I try to sound casual. "They're going to release him, and Sully and Davis will drive us both back okay?"

"_Okay_. _Bye_." I hang up the phone with a whisper Goodbye and look at Sully.

"Yes Sir." His eyes zero in on mine. "We'll tell him Sir." He hangs up, still glaring.

"Swertsky?"

"Yup." He growls "I just lied my ass off to him."

Davis walks back towards us.

"The Boss want me to drop off the car?"

"He said Lt. Harrion got a desk guy to do it."

"Bless you Katie." Ty mutters.

"Katie the wonder Lieutenant." I mutter.

"You're jealous?" Sully yelps. "That's rich."

"Sul."

"I'm gonna take off." Carlos says, glancing at Bosco then at his watch. "You need to wake him in ten minutes." He nods, stopping next to me and touching my arm. "It's good to see you Faith."

I nod. I wonder if he still thinks I'm _decent_.

"Maryland huh?" Ty says after the door shuts behind Carlos the apparent informant.

"Maryland?" Sully looks from Davis to me. "What's in Maryland?"

"Not much." I say softly.

"Faith apparently." Ty sits down on one of the chairs.

"We must have forgotten to look there." Sully rubs his face. "You'd have though we'd gotten around to it in the almost two years we searched."

"You've been back two weeks?"

"Two weeks? Thanks for the phone call."

"Sully give her a second to answer." Davis is gentle, but his face is still wary.

"Fine." Sully's just plain mad. I smile when I realize that's the same contrast that my children had two weeks ago.

"Two weeks." I say softly. "I was in Drayden, Maryland. It's in St. Mary's County, nothingness. Less than 400 people."

"Perfect place to not exist." Ty says softly. I nod.

"You could have called." Sully spits. "Told us '_Hey stop looking for me! I don't wanna be found_!'"

"I didn't really think that anyone would look Sully." I whisper.

"A New York City cop, recently wounded in the line disappears with out a trace in broad daylight and you don't think we'd look?" He snorts. "You think we all just went '_huh_' and went on about our day?"

"If I was thinking clearly I probably wouldn't have left like that would I, Sul?"

"So it was some kinda mental break?" Davis asks slowly.

"No.." I bury my head in my hands. "I just.. wasn't thinking clearly."

"For five years?"

"Sul."

"You almost killed him." He's looking at Bosco when I look up, shaking his head slowly. "You did kill Fred."

"Sully!" Ty shouts.

"Well she did."

"Fred was cheating on me. His own damn guilt killed him not me." I spit.

"That how you justified leaving Bosco? He cheat on you with Cruz?" Ty whispers.

"She tried kill him you know that?" Sully sighs. "He tell you that?"

I nod.

"I was the first one. _The first one _Faith, to agree with you that Bosco should be the hell out of your life." He shakes his head slowly. "But he was a man possessed Faith. I've never seen anyone..." His mouth clamps shut and he looks at Davis.

"It was never the same without you." Ty smiles at me. I smile back. "None of us were ever the same."

"All I can do is say I'm sorry." I tell him. "And I am."

"Sorry." Sully breaths, looking at me with watery eyes. "Crap."

"You tell Swertsky?" Davis whispers.

"No." Sully tells him quickly. I look at my hands. "There could be legal stuff. Bosco could loose the house."

"Sul.." Ty moans.

"He knew she was alive." Sullivan shakes his head and I start to feel sick.

"He pulled her over in a traffic stop Sul." Ty explains. Sully looks mildly ill too as he moans before looking back at me.

"I.." I don't really have anything to say.

"No body can prove that." He shakes his head.

"Sam.." I whisper.

"Sam.." Sully shakes his head again.

"She didn't really do anything illegal." Ty looks back at him.

"I used Emily's social security number." I whisper.

"What?" Ty shakes his head.

"To work.."

"Governmental Fraud." Sully mutters.

"Sul. Cut her a damn break. She can't go back and undo it." Ty mutters. I shoot him a grateful look. "Doesn't mean I'm on your side."

"What did you do?"

"Waited tables mostly." I mutter. That's all I'd used Emily's social security card for anyway.

"Mostly?" Sully lifts his eyebrow at me.

"She's Emily Charles." Comes a hoarse whisper.

"Emily-." Sully's head stops shaking and he turns to stare at me. "The books?"

I nod, getting up and sitting on the edge of Bosco's bed. He gives me a quick smile before reaching up and wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"Remember? You said you thought it was her communicating with me from beyond the grave?" He chuckles. I'm starting to think he's loosing it with all the laughing, but at least he doesn't wince as hard this time. I move my hand across the black and blue patches on his face. "Turns out it was her communicating with me from Maryland." His eyes blink and he turns towards Davis and Sullivan. "We didn't look there."

I watch a small smile tug on Sully's mouth.

"No we didn't." He agrees.

* * *


	22. Chapter 22

"Dad!"

"I'm okay." Bosco calls as Charlie jumped off the couch.

"Careful!" I snap putting out my hand.

"I'm okay Faith." He smiles at me wrapping his arms around Charlie. "Just a knock on the head."

"Sam said you have a concussion." Emily huffed. "Those can be dangerous."

"Nah." Davis muttered carrying Bosco's garment bag into the house. "Your dad's tough."

"Hey Ty." She sighed as he kissed her cheek.

"Hey gorgeous." Emily peeled the garment bag away and laid it over the couch.

"Charlie let Bosco sit down." I cluck, moving him towards the sofa.

"I'm fine Faith." He's not fine and I know it. I can tell by the way he's holding his shoulders tight. I can tell by the way he leaned into my shoulder when I stood behind him. I can tell by the way he keeps telling me he's okay. I move towards the garment bag, stopping just before I grab it. I look back at the couch watching my daughter scoot the table closer and easing his feet onto it. He squeezes her forearm and holds her eyes. I watch them talk with out words, suddenly feeling very unnecessary.

"Are you trying to kill me!?" Rose yells, bumping into me on the way to him.

"Ma. I'm fine." He sighs.

"Seriously Maurice! You know how much.." She leans in patting his cheeks as she kisses him. "..those phone calls scare me."

"Sorry." He closes his eyes for longer than a second. Charlie runs his hand over the gash on his hand until Emily pushes him away.

"Stop." She mutters.

""S okay Em." He assures her again. I watch Sully check Bosco's weapon again before laying it in the lock box Emily has left on the counter.

"Did they give you pain meds?" She asks him.

"I um.." He looks around for a minute. "Your mom.." His eyes squint when he doesn't see me right away.

"Here." I hold up the white bag and Emily looks at me.

"I'll put them in the-." She stands up and starts towards me. Bosco touches her arm.

"Your mom can hold onto them. Sit down." She huffs a little before dropping onto the table beside him. He pushes his face into hers. His other hand reaches over and drops on Charlie's head. "I'm fine."

I reach for the garment bag again, but Ty beats me to it, making his way down the hall with it like he knows exactly where it goes. Bosco closes his eyes again. Sully looks at the kids.

"It's late." He says somewhat strictly. Emily rolls her eyes.

"It's only one." She protests.

"It's one?" Bosco's eyes pop open.

"Your dad has to get some sleep." Sully says pointedly. Emily looks worriedly at Bosco. I bite my lip.

"We've got plans tomorrow." He grins. Emily's shoulders slouch.

"You're hurt."

"I'm fine. All I gotta do is stand there." He grins again. "You think my getting a bump on the head gets you out of community service?"

"Yes?" She smiles the smile that always worked on Fred. Bosco laughs a little before swallowing a wince.

"Not if you like your car." He tells her. "If you like your car, you'll put on church clothes and bring old ladies jello."

"I like my car." She whispers.

"Can I show Ty and Sully my new plane?" Charlie asks hopefully.

"Ah.. Bosco, come on man, I wanna see the new plane." Ty asks excitedly, Bosco tosses his hand in the air.

"It's in the garage on the work table." Sully sighs, and Ty gives him a shove until he follows Charlie out the back door. Emily looks back at my partner.

"I'll set the alarm for four. You have to wake up every three hours right?"

"Em.."

"To make sure your still okay."

"Emmy.." He whispers.

"I mean you can't be stupid about these things-."

"Emily." He raises an eyebrow to her before slowly glancing towards where I'm standing. I advert my eyes before Emily's gaze follows him. "Your mom's done this more than a few times before."

I bite my lip.

"Oh.." She suddenly sounds very young.

"Let her have a turn?" He asks, I look back. They're both still starring at me.

"I.."

"Em. Maybe we should have Ty change the back porch bulb while he's here." Rose says suddenly.

"What?" Her voice is softer now that she's lost control of the room. I know how she feels. I hate feeling that way.

"Ma I said I'd get it."

"He doesn't even need a step stool Maurice! It's silly not to ask him."

"Ma.."

"You're hurt." She almost hollers. " Get in bed. Let him help!"

Bosco winces again. I wince with him, before watching Rose herd Emily out back.

"Hi." He whispers lazily into the now empty room.

"Hi." I whisper back. He stretches out his hand and I take it."How you doing?"

"I feel like crap." He admits, pulling the back of my hand to his cheek.

"Let's get you to bed before the whole army comes tramping back in here." I say, pushing fake confidence.

He sees right through me, kissing my fingers before slowly standing up. He puts his hands on my shoulders and I bite my lip.

He presses it with his thumb.

"I'm glad you're here." He tells me, pressing his forehead gingerly against mine. "I need you here."

Tears sting my eyes when slides his face to my cheek and kisses the space between my shoulder and neck. It's stunningly intimate, but he runs out of energy half way through, his shoulders sagging into my chest. I press the pads of my fingers into the base of his skull and rub in tiny circles. "Take me to bed?"

I smile at him for a second before nodding.

* * *

I'm lying here threading my fingers through the short curls of Bosco's hair thinking about all the times I've held him close over the years.

He was usually angry, or falling a part, or hurt. Mostly angry. He sighs a little, his hand tightening around the mine. I stroke his chest with my thumb and his head moves towards me.

"You gonna look at me all night?"

"Maybe." I whisper, trialing my fingers across his cheek. "How's your head?" He shrugs and I'm glad he doesn't lie. I press my lips lightly against the most bruised part. "You really gonna work tomorrow?"

"It's not really work." He grins at me."It's flirting with old ladies and helping old men up from the table. You don't have to go."

"According to your mom it's not to be missed." I raise an eyebrow and he looks almost nervous. "What?"

"Nothin'" He lies, closing his eyes and pulling me tight against his side."You okay?"

"Humm.." I inhale his scent. "Sully said something.."

"I bet he said a lot of things." I watch his lips curl into a smirk. "Like crap. Crap. And crap."

"He said we could be charged with fraud. He said Back stoppers could evict you. He said people might think you and I were involved in some sort of scam." He laughs a little, kissing my cheek. "Bosco.. seriously.."

"Faith there was a huge investigation when you disappeared. Who do you think IAB focused on?" I look at him. "Fred and me. I'm clean they know this."

"How much is the house worth?"

"Faith.."

"How much?" I sit up rubbing my face with my hands.

"It's a single family in South Beach.. like 450?"

I absorb that with a quick nod. I'll call Alan in the morning.

"Why?"

He can wire me the money. It won't be a problem.

"Faith?" I blink back at him. "Why?"

"I'll make a donation.."

"What?"

"To Back-stoppers. Alan can send me the money."

"The English guy?"

"He keeps it. I couldn't risk claiming that kind of money on Emily's social security number.."

"Wait, what-?"

"The royalties alone were over three million." I shake my head.

"You used Emily's social security card?"

"What was I supposed to do Boz? Buy one off a truck?!"

"You could have used your own." He snorts.

"They would have found me." I murmur under my breath.

"_They_?"

"If I pay it back then it's fixed." I nod my head.

"They.." He scoffs.

"What?" I turn and look at him.

"I.." He whispers. "_I _would have found you."

My lips part even though I don't know what I'm going to say. A thud in the hall forces his eyes from mine.

"Charlie?" He calls, pulling himself unsteadily to his feet. I reach out and grasp his arm. He shakes me away and walks into the hall. "You okay?"


	23. Chapter 23

I stare at the model plane hanging from my son's ceiling. To me it looks exactly like the ones on his dresser and the one in pieces on my workbench. Ty would be able to tell you the millions of reasons why they're different. To me they look identical.

Next to me Charlie snores loudly. I rub my temple gingerly, trying not to press on the sore parts too much. I can't make myself go back to bed. To her.

She didn't just run, she hid. I remind myself I knew this, but it's entirely different hearing her say it. Hearing her say '_they_', like some bizarre gestapo tracking her every move, hurt._ I_ was the one searching. I was the one following dying lead after dying lead. i was the one looking at photo's of hospitalized Jane Doe's and visiting every morgue in the tri-state area.

_Royalties alone were 3 million. _I don't know what royalties usually are, or even what royalties are, but 3 million is more than I can think of. And she left it, in Maryland, with Alan.

I close my eyes, imagining Alan curled up beside her and her money in Maryland.

I have no idea how much time has passed before I feel her fingers on my shoulder. I blink my eyes open, to her damp red eyes.

She looks at Charlie before looking back at me.

"It's been three hours." She explains with a nod. "I'm supposed to ask you if you know who the president is."

I look at her for a minute.

"Can I ask you who Alan is?"

She looks alarmed for a minute before she realizes I'm not actually asking 'who' Alan is, just who he is to her.

"My publicist." She tells me her voice almost pleading.

"He knew..?" I hold her eyes. She shakes her head no.

"He knew I was running, but not what I was running from." She bites her lip. "He was a friend. He was there when I needed somebody to be there."

_I would have been there_. My chest burns with the effort of not saying the words, but she closes her eyes, and I know she saw them anyway.

"What happened?" She whispers, tears slipping down her cheeks. "I thought we were moving past this?"

"I'm not supposed to care?"

"I.." She stops, her hand smoothing over my chest. "We shouldn't talk about this here." Her eyes fall on Charlie before she gets up, her fingers grazing over my skin. "Please come back to bed."

I stare at the ceiling again as she disappears back down the hall. My hands are cold when I press them against my burning face.

I make my way to the hall bathroom splashing water until I don't feel the heat rising off of me.

She blinks at me from the bed as I stand in the doorway.

"Are we going to get past it?" She asks, her voice small. I swallow hard.

"I want to." My throat feels like it's in a vice grip.

"I don't know what to say.." She shakes her head.

"Everything needs to come out." I tell her firmly. "Everything."

"I'm scared." She breaths, blinking more tears from her eyes. I watch my feet as I slowly make my way to the bed. Crawling across it until I'm laying beside her.

"Me too." I whisper, my hand wrapping around her tiny wrist. "But I think you should tell me."

She sniffs, moving her arm until her palm hits my fingers, I readjust our grip.

"I.." She moves her fingers around mine. "I had some money. I'd pulled out after the black out. After Fred's heart attack. I don't even know why I did it. It just made me feel safer having a few hundred dollars stowed away. It was in my gun box. I grabbed it on my way out the door. Other than that.. I just had what was in my purse.

"I took the train as far West as I could and then got on the bus. I started working at truck stop diners. I'd stay a week or so.. then hitch a ride. I met a woman in Maryland. She needed someone to look after her mothers home, live there, watch after things. I stayed there for almost a year before I started writing editorials for the Baltimore paper, as Emily Charles. They asked me to write a feature colum. I got scared about using Emily's Social Security card.. so I did it for free. It was something to do." She stops, studying my face."I started writing the first book then.

"Alan contacted me, about three months later. He offered me a book deal. He wanted me to write some self help thing." She sniffs back a laugh. "I told him I was completely incapable of helping myself.." Tears glide down the slope of her nose, landing on the bed between us. We started talking, a lot. He came to see me. I showed him what I'd been working on. I told him I couldn't take any money. He agreed to help me and he did."

"Faith.." My voice is warning.

"I know.." She nods at me. "It was stupid and I know better. He was good to me though."

"He wanted to sleep with you." I snort.

"Maybe.. at first. But we became friends Bosco. He helped me. I stopped being afraid. I stopped hiding in the woods. I was in Conneticut, giving a seminar on writing." She smiles. "I've never done anything like that. Put myself out there.. but I did."

I press my lips together.

"It was fate I think." She whispers."It brought me back here."

_Fate_. I feel my hand go limp in hers.

"What did I say?" She whispers.

"You need to talk to an attorney." I tell her.

"Boz."

"You handed me a Fake ID."

"That's misdemeanor at most.." She shakes her head.

"You used Emily's.."

"I didn't even have to file a tax return Bosco. I didn't make enough. I just used it to get the job."

"Faith are you listening to yourself?" I shake my head.

"I was careful." She looks at me. "I was always very careful."

"Why?"

We both know what I want her to say. I want her to say she was careful because she didn't want to shut the door. She wanted the option to come back. We stare at each other for a while, before she swallows.

"I.. I'm.. " She shakes her head. "I don't know."

"Were you coming back?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Bosco.."

"You started a new life Faith. You just started a-."

"But you were in it." She begs. "All I did was those books. All I breathed were those characters. You and me Bosco. That's all I had."

"I didn't have _that_ Faith."

"I thought you were better off.. You have to know that if I had known.."

"Known what?"

"Fred.. the kids.. Mikey.. what she did to you... I would have never.." She swallows hard, tears soaking her face and the pillow case beneath her. "If I had known you needed me.."

"How could you not know?" My voice breaks and she soothes her hand across my face. "How could you not know?"

"I'm sorry." She soothes.

"That's not good enough Faith." I sniff, pulling back from her touch. "It's not enough."

"It's all I have." She tells me firmly.

God help me it's not enough.


	24. Chapter 24

I wake up alone for the first time in over two weeks. I can hear her in the bathroom.

"Morning." I whisper softly as she tiptoes back in the room.

"I woke you." Her shoulders slump even more.

"No." I shake my head, still staring at her empty face. "Did you sleep at all?"

"A little." She bites her lip and lies.

"Why don't you lay down for a while? The kids'll sleep till noon easy."

"How's your head?" She asks absently, dropping the clothes from her hand into the laundry basket.

"Faith." I run my hand over my face.

"You know who the president is right?" She pulls her brush from her purse and starts raking though the damp locks.

"Herbert Hoover." I huff, dropping my arm with a thud onto the mattress. "Come here."

"I'm meeting your mother." She shakes her head while she tells me.

"My mother?"

"We're going to see her attorney."

"She's taking you to see Mortie?"

"I asked her to. "

"Faith..." I stop my eyes pressing shut.

"You never told me how your head was."

I keep my eyes shut, bringing my hand up to my face, trusting that I know her as well as I think.

"Okay now your scaring me." I feel her side of the bed dip as her grip pulls my hand away. "Tell me for real who the president is." I wrap my hand around her wrist, giving her my best pleading look. "Boz?"

"Barrack Obama." I mutter and she sighs in relief before trying to pull away. "Just lay here for a minute.."

"Why?" She asks, her gaze dropping to the bed between us. "So we can pretend that you've forgiven me and everything's okay?"

"Yeah maybe." I whisper, my voice a little rougher than either one of us expected. "Is that too much to ask?"

"I've spent the last five years pretending." She pulls her arm out of my grasp, pulling her hair into a pony tail. She grabs her purse and looks me over one more time before making it to the door. "I don't think it's getting me anywhere."

I watch her leave, rubbing at the slight dull ache behind my eyes.

"Hey Davis." I hear her whisper.

"He awake?"

"Yeah he's up he's in his bedroom."

"You leaving?" He asks skeptically.

"I'm going out with Rose."

"See ya later?"

"Yeah.. Ty.. I'll see you later." Her tone is both annoyed and guilty.I hear the door shut, when I open my eyes again Ty's leaning across the door frame.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"How's your head?" He nods towards my rubbing.

"Fine." I flap my arm at him. "I don't think the accidents causing the head ache." I toss my legs over the side of the bed and stand up gingerly, testing my balance. I'm seemingly intact. Ty shrugs at me. "What are you doing here?"

"I drove your mom's car home last night after I dropped her off. She told me to drop it off here." I push past him and he follows me into the kitchen, watching as I pour us coffee.

"You need a ride back across the river?"

"Nah, Carlos is gonna pick me up in an hour or so. We're gonna work out."

"The idea of Nieto working out makes me laugh." I grin setting one of the mugs on the table and gesturing to the chair. "You wanna talk about Faith?"

"Bosco.." He shakes his head back and fourth slowly. "Man.."

"Sully send you as the representative?"

"Sully's worried about the kids man." He says easily. "He takes that Grandfather thing really seriously, you know that." I nod. I do know that, and I'm more thankful of it than John Sullivan could possibly know. "I just.. man Bosco.. just seeing her again.."

"Tell me about it." I rub my face again before tossing back half the cup of coffee.

"But you two.. last night.. It was like rewinding a tape. You were right back where you always were." He shakes his head. "That's.. I'm not sure it's a good thing, Man."

"We're actually pretty fucked up if it makes you feel any better." I mumble, staring at the coffee. I want to dump some rum in it but I don't think the old folks would appreciate it if I stumbled into work today.

"Honestly, yeah it does." Ty laughs. I drop my head to my chest. "She just left?"

"She took the train." I shrug at my new piece of information. "She hitch-hiked."

"Is she okay?" Ty asked softly. I watch his face screw up. "Mentally?"

"What?"

"I mean I know she stopped breathing there for a little bit.. after the shooting.." He looks at the refrigerator.

"Are you asking me if she's brain damaged?" I grin. I can't help it.

"I'm asking you if the Faith Yokas you know would have walked away with out so much as a word." I stop and consider that for a long time. Ty waits sipping his coffee. He and I are both surprised when I start nodding.

"Yeah." I say softly.

"What?"

"Faith's whole life is about being needed." I shrug again.

"So she leaves all the people that need her?" Davis rolls his eyes. "She's way too rational for that."

"She's not as rational as you may think." I counter. I know that better than anyone. Faith can get crazy.. impulsive.. reckless even. My mind flashes on Cesar, the car chase that ended at the top of a parking garage, and the thousand other little times I've seen my partner loose it over the years.

"I don't know.." He looks at me for a long time. "But I guess it turned out you were way more rational then I thought you could have been. Guess that means the reverse could be true."

"Jeez thanks Davis I feel all warm and fuzzy about that." I scoff, getting up and pouring more coffee. I take the pot to Ty who puts his hand over the rim of his cup. I shrug and set it back down.

"Sully's worried.. legally.. too."

"I know." I look into the living room. "She told me last night."

"I don't know if he's got a point or not. but.."

"She's talking to a lawyer today." I nod. "Right now."

"Good." Ty stops, I glance up at his beaming face.

"What are you grinning at?"

"She's alive Bosco." I can't help but smile a little too. "Do you ever just look at her and think 'Holy Shit, she's alive?'"

I look past him, my eyes bouncing through my kitchen until they land on his face.

"Not enough." I admit. "I don't do that enough."

* * *

"Em." I sigh, watching my fingers move in the mirror. "I don't know."

"I mean.. is she going to meet us there or what?" My daughter asks, standing in the doorway of my room as I button my uniform shirt.

"I don't know." I repeat for the third time. "She's with your Grandma."

"Are you sure?" She asks, looking past me at a spot on the floor.

"Call her."

"You could." Emily pushed the toe of her shoe against the threshold of my bedroom. I sigh.

"If you don't want to call her than call your grandmother." I tell her firmly.

"What the hell? Last night you're all lovey dovey and today you don't know if she's coming back or not?" Her words send a jolt of something through me. Uncertainty. Aw hell who am I kidding? It's fear. I can suddenly see it on Emily's face too. "Dad?" She whispers, responding to my sudden flash of emotion.

"I didn't say she wasn't coming back." I say evenly.

It's then that the front door bangs open. We both jump.

"Sorry!" I hear her yell, making her way down the hall. "Shit." She hops on one foot into the door way, pulling off a tennis shoe. "Sorry. I know I'm late. I'm sorry." She hurries past Emily and me, grabbing the blue plastic rapped dress her and my Ma picked out yesterday. "Ten minutes!" She huffs. "Can I have ten minutes?"

I nod. She nods back closing the door of my bathroom behind her.

Emily looks at me, a small grin tugging at her lips. I smile back.

"Emily come help me fasten my jewelery." My mother calls from the living room. I watch her run off, letting the smile drift from my face.

I wonder again if there will come a time when we don't wonder if she's coming home.

"Boz?" I turn at the sound of her voice. "Can you-?" She turns her back to me, continuing to walk backwards. "I can't.." I pull the zipper up, moving my hands over her slim shoulders. "How do I look?" She spins and I look at the form fitting navy blue dress. "Besides too skinny." I watch her warning glance. "Too dressy? Rose said it was okay but I think-."

_She's alive._

"You look perfect." I whisper, folding my arms around her tiny body. I hold her as close to me as I can get her, feeling her fingers gently press against my waist. Her other arm moves until a palm rests in the middle of my back.

"Boz..?" She sighs, pulling her head back enough to look at me.

_She's alive._

I close my eyes again and press my forehead into hers.

"Bosco.." Her voice is concerned. I can't help but smile.

"Faith I swear if you ask me who the president is I'm going to-."

"What?" She chides, sounding so much like herself it's startling. "You're going to what?"

I press my lips to hers hard, feeling her give instantly against me. She couldn't stop me from deepening this kiss if she wanted to.

The fingers on my hip dig in immediately. I move my hands into her hair, holding both sides of her head as I pull back.

"Maurice!" We both jump at my mothers bellow. Faith smiles, her eyes dropping to the floor. "You're going to be-."

"Late.. yeah Ma.." I call, sharing her amused smile. "I know."

"Kissing's not going to fix it." She tells me softly.

"No." I agree. "Time'll fix it."

Her green eyes lift to mine.

"Kissing just makes the time past quicker." I wink, grabbing her hand and tugging her towards the door.


	25. Chapter 25

The car is silent.

I run my lipstick over my lips, looking at myself in the mirror. He coughs and I jump.

Two minutes ago he was clinging to me. How fast he goes from hot to cold is starting to really scare me. I stare out the window, he adjusts himself uncomfortably in the drivers seat.

"How was Mortie." He whispers finally.

"He um.. Wasn't really worried." I click the mirror shut and raise the visor. "He said he'd check it out, but, he didn't think…"

He nods.

"Good." He sighs.

"You were worried?" He presses his lips together, his eyes fixed ahead. "About what he was going to say?"

He sticks his bottom lip out, shaking his head.

"But you were worried." His head sags a little. That's not good.

"You were late." He whispers. "Em got nervous."

My chest aches when he says this. I rub the spot, looking back out the window.

"Just Em?" I ask, watching his reflection in the window swallow hard.

"I'm not sure." He whispers. "I don't know who was feeding off who really." Houses fly by as I lay my hand on top of his. "Time.." He reminds me softly.

"How bout we make a deal?" I bite my lip, wondering if this will help or hurt.

"A deal?"

"Yeah." My voice struggles to stay even as I turn back to face him. He glances up at me then back to the street. "I'll stop promising not to leave, cause obviously.. you guys can't trust that right now.." He shots me another quick glance. "And I'll start promising not to leave with out telling you."

"Without telling me." He says skeptically as he rolls up to the stop sign. His eyes hold mine until the car behind us honks. He shots them a dirty look before giving me a tight nod.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He nods again. "If you start feeling like you have to leave.. you tell me."

"Okay." The car shifts back into silence. Bosco lifts his hand turning it into the one I had covering it.

"And I won't try to talk you out of it." I turn to him. He glances from our hands back to the road. "If you come to me and say you have to go.." I watch him swallow again. "I'm not gonna try and talk you out of it."

"Okay." I whisper, threading my fingers through his for a second before he pulls into a parking lot behind Emily's car.

* * *

I watch him take a deep breath before pulling the door open for us.

"What?"

"Nothin'." He lies, pushing past me to the keypad by the inner door. I watch him type in the code.

"How long you been doing this?"

"Three years." He tells me. I listen to Emily talking to Rose as they walk through the door. "I was saving up to by Em's car. She really wanted the Thunderbird. I knew if I was gonna get her a decent year I would have to save up. Now she comes too. Does her penance, I pay her car insurance. I swear.. Your son says he wants a GTO. I'm gonna be here for the rest of my life."

I look at him for a minute.

"Bosco.." I shake my head. "I don't think you understand how much money I made off of the books."

He looks past me.

"I don't want your money Faith." He puts his hand on my arm and moves me aside and starts for the desk.

"Boz."

"I don't want it Faith."

"Faith? Honey, he has to check in with the director. Come with me." Rose pulls me through a set of doors into some sort of gym. It's like the prom. An old people prom.

"Oh my God." I whisper. My children have already branched out to the tables, shaking hands and kissing cheeks like it's a family reunion.

"And who's this?" An old woman clasps my arm, I jump in surprise.

"This is Faith." Rose says in amusement. "Maurice's lady friend."

I am pushed down the line of handshakes and cheek kisses as if I am a distant cousin they didn't know they had.

"They don't know?" I whisper, Rose shakes her head. I just notice Bosco at the door when a full band starts playing like it's their first big gig and they want to get it right. He catches my wide eyes and smiles somewhat sadistically as a man on the far side of seventy grabs my hand and asks me to dance.

* * *

"He's a widower you know." A frail old woman follows my gaze to the table where Bosco is laughing with his white haired harem. I look back at her. Her too red lipstick smeared slightly in the corner of her mouth. "Lost his wife five years ago." She shakes her head tragically. "Took him a long time. When he first started coming here, he was a shell of a man." Her New York accent draws the a sound out in the word man. "It was so sad. He loves those kids." She shakes her head again. "You got kids?"

I open my mouth but no sound comes out. Do I? I did once.

Emily is dancing with a plump woman in a sparkly dress. Charlie's in the same spot he's been in all night, sitting next to a tiny wheelchair bound woman at a table in the back. She keeps patting his hand to the rhythm of the band.

"He doesn't like to talk about her. The love he lost. You can tell though. You can tel how much he loved her."

_She couldn't_. I want to scream. _She had no idea!_ But I know that's not true. I did know. Maybe I always knew.

"Excuse me." I say softly, standing up and making my way towards Charlie. "Hey who's your friend?"

"Marie.." Charlie says softly. The old woman looks up at me and smiles.

"Charlie? Can you get me a drink?" She asks my son, who nods obediently and makes his way across the room. "It's good to finally put a face to you." She tells me patting my hand. I part my lips, but nothing comes out. "I've been praying for you for nearly three years now Faith."

"You have?"

"Charlie and I.. we're close." She gazes after him like a nervous mother. "My boy.. my boy's name was Charles." Her eyes glisten as she meets mine again. "I lost him. In that awful war.." She stops and swallows. "MIA." Her eyes are soft and understanding. "Charlie and I had that in common. He's the grandson I never got to have. We have a deal. He prays for my Charlie I pray for his Momma. I'm just so glad one of us got our prayer answered. " She shakes her head. "Welcome home dear."

* * *

"I don't know. I think she's too skinny." I have learned tonight that old people don't whisper well.

"She looks fine to me." I try not to listen to the running commentary from the table behind me.

"Frank every woman under forty looks fine to you. He could do better!"

"Maybe she looks like his wife?" Frank supplies helpfully.

"Nah... His wife was like a movie star I'm sure. Right Agnes?"

"Three years Helen, every other month he's never brought a girl here.." The woman tisks her tongue. "And then he shows up with her."

"She must look like the dead wife." Frank restates.

"He could do better!" She all but shouts. "If I die you'd go out and find someone who looked just like me or would you try and get an upgrade?"

"Faith?" I jump as Rose lays her hand on my arm. "How are you doing?"

"They.. know him pretty well." I whisper as she sits next to me. At some point she has been given a large fluffy corsage. I watch her straighten it absently.

"They adore him." She beams. "And the children. It's a mother's dream."

"Thanks.." I stop, blinking at her. "For going with me this morning." She waves her hand through the air.

"I'm just glad it seems to be nothing." I nod my eyes scanning the crowd for Bosco. "You should dance with my son."

"He's working." I whisper.

"And?"

"Rose.."

"I'm not pushing..." She lies, her eyes sparkling at me. "But you two are not getting any younger Faith and nothing is going to undo what you've done." I drop my gaze to the table, tracing my finger over silver and black confetti, she grasps my arm again. "All you can do is plow forward."

"He has to forgive me first." I shake my head.

"Why?"

"I.." My head stops shaking and I turn my gaze to her.

"He saves the last dance for his mother." She tells me. "I relinquish it to you." She leans her face close to mine. "Plow forward."

* * *

"Rumor has it my being late really upset you." I drop down into the chair by my daughter as she picks at chicken with the back of her fork.

Her eyes click into mine I watch the emotion for a second before she pushes it away. I wonder if she learned that from me or Boz.

"You should eat something." She sighs pushing the chicken at me. "Rumor has it you're to skinny to date my dad and you must look like my dead mother."

"I heard that rumor." I tip my head to her, taking my turn to pick at the chicken.

"Seriously though mom is there a food shortage in Maryland? You look like Olive Oil." I snicker, pulling off a piece and popping it into my mouth. "I was nervous." She admits, pulling a piece of broccoli to her lips. "About you not being back when you said. I made Dad nervous.." Her voice trails off. "I just think I'm going to be.. for a while."

"I understand that Em." I tell her softly, picking at the food on her plate. "Next time just call me okay?"

"I didn't want you to think that I.."

"I don't want _you_ to think about what _I'm_ going to think." I put my hand out to stop her words. "I want you to call me and say 'where the hell are you? You're late!' Okay?" My daughter nods her curly head and I reach out and cup her chin. "You don't owe me anything. I owe you." She nods again, a small smile spreading across her lips.

"Are you in love with him?"

"What?" Her question catches me by surprise.

"What are you're intentions towards my father?" Her head tilts to the side. "These people here are on the fence. They don't think you'll ever measure up to my mother. She left large shoes to fill you know. My dad..." I watch the tears pool in her eyes before she smiles. "My dad loves her very much and it almost killed him when she left.."

Emily runs her hand across her face before grinning.

"You.. make him.. happy." She looks at me. "He really deserves to be happy."

"Emily.."

"He loves you." She shakes her head. "You'll be good to him..." She nods like it's a statement and not the question it really is. "He couldn't stand it if he lost you again."

I bite back the urge to tell her he never will, but I remember my promise.

"I've always loved him Emily."

"I know." She squeaks, voice tightening around the tears slipping down her face. "I think I always knew, that he was more than just a partner."

"Em. I want you to know that.. I was always true to your fath-. To Fred." She shakes her head, waving her hand like Rose.

"That just means you have a lot of catching up to do Mom." Her quiet tears turn into a laugh when my eyes go wide.

"Emily!"

"I'm Maurice Boscorelli's daughter do you really think I'm gonna be prude about it?" She giggles, her eyes dancing around. "Charlie and I talked about it and we're going to sleep at Grandma's tonight." I groan, looking at the balloon filled ceiling. "Just so you know!"

"You talked about it?" I moan.

"Yes." She laughs like I'm ridiculous.

"**It** _it_?"

"_Sex_ it." My daughter whispers nodding her head at me. "We talked about sex if that's what you mean."

"Oh God."

"We're Boscorelli's." She shakes her head at me. "It's a nice last name Mom. You should try it sometime." Emily's shoulders still shake with laughter as she gets up and kisses my cheek. "You're such a prude."

My eyes move around the room until I see Bosco squatting before Marie's wheel chair, her hands patting his cheeks as she speaks to him. She smiles gently, brushing her fingers under his eyes keeping what I can only assume are tears from falling. Bosco hugs her before looking back at me with the same look he had in the bedroom.

If I had to name it I'd say it was a grateful look. He winks a red rimmed eye at me before moving back across the room towards the dance floor.

* * *


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N Warning this chapter is why I always rate my stories 'M'. **

**Gratuitous sex scene.. finally..

* * *

**

"Mom?" I turn my head in the direction of my son's soft voice.

"Charlie?"

"I've called your name like five times."

"Sorry.." I shake my head. "What?"

"I'm going to take Marie back to her room. I'll be right back."

I click my eyes down to the woman who's wheelchair he's clutching.

"You okay dear?" She asks expectantly.

"I.."

"Charlie why don't you let your mom wheel me back. I think she needs a little break." She pats his hand over her shoulder and he nods. She smiles as he kisses her cheek. "I'll see you Tuesday, Honey."

"Tuesday?" I ask as he passes his friend off to me.

"Bridge." He mumbles.

"He's damn good partner." Marie says brightly.

"We're a good team." My son shakes his head. "We got a trophy last March."

"It was so big Charlie had to lift it for me!" Marie laughs. "Now go on, see about your Grandma before she gets Mr. Potter all worked up." Marie points to Rose on the dance floor, doing some weird conga with a man old enough to be her father. Charlie shakes his head before rushing off to save Mr. Potter from her grips. "This door." She points to a nearby exit and I sigh. "He's a good boy Faith."

"Bosco's doing." I sigh. "He's a great dad."

"Yes he is, but a boy like that-? That's a mothers handiwork right there. Take a right Dear." She points a long finger towards the end of the hallway.

"He's taking this better than any of us." I shake my head just thinking about it. "So much better than Emily."

"Daughters.. Daughters are something else. My Josie, she and I we had good fights back in the day."

"You have a daughter too?"

"Yes. She lives in Queens, near where Rose raised her boys."

"You're relationship is better now?" I sound undyingly hopeful.

"Better is _relative_. She's happy. She calls, but there are no grandchildren here for me to play bridge with." She sighs pointing to a door. "Here. Right here."

"Emily's.. she took it hard, but I think she's coming around." I push the door open and Marie scoots past me into the room. It's bigger than I expected. Lighter. There is a sitting area off to one side and a bed pushed into the corner on the other. It's stark white, but soft pastel paintings are everywhere. There are pictures on her small desk. My son and daughter, another pair who I assume are her son and daughter and one of her and Charlie holding an enormous trophy up triumphantly.

"And Maurice?" She looks at me with one eyebrow cocked and I wonder if everyone is in on it. "Is he coming around?"

I smile bashfully. She pushes up with her arms until she's standing. I quickly make a move forward to help her but she waves me off.

"It's mostly for show." She waves at the chair before dropping onto the edge of her bed, slowly lifting her legs onto it. "Throws them off my trail."

"Bosco and me.." I shake my head.

"Stop being so rational." She laughs. "I'm ninety three, the young man makes me wanna give it a go!" I can't help but laugh before clapping my hand over my mouth. "It's like I told him.. You're alive! He though he'd lost you… but now you're here. He has a second chance!" I feel my eyes starting to water as she smiles widely. "Stop thinking. Just feel."

* * *

"There you are." Bosco sighs, his eyes rolling into his head.

"I took Marie back to her room." I tell him. "Where you worried?"

"No." He smiles at me and I realize again what makes 93 year old women wanna give it a go.

"Not even a little?" His hand curls around my elbow as he watches my playful eyes.

"Not at all." I lean in and he kisses my cheek before pulling back a few steps. "What time is it?"

"Almost nine." Rose says teasingly as she and Charlie join us.

Bosco looks suddenly nervous. His eyes dart to the stage.

"Are we done?" I ask, leaning down and kissing Charlie's head.

"Yeah." Bosco sighs his eyes never leaving the band.

"Almost." Rose is voice is singsong, I watch her curiously.

"Ma." He has that look, his _I'm trying so hard to be innocent_ look.

"Maurice you know you can't leave until everyone's back in there rooms." She's smiling like that cat in Alice in Wonderland.

"Why don't you get the car?" He says his eyes glancing towards the parking lot.

"Oh why Maurice? It's not like she hasn't gotten an earful today."

"Ma!"

"Am I missing something?"

"You're about too." Rose smiles wickedly before nodding to the band..

"We're going to end as always with our request from Security." I watch Bosco's face cloud over briefly before casting a angst filled glance towards the band.

"I gave Faith my dance." Rose says in a throaty voice giving me a tiny shove.

"Officer Boscorelli here's your song." My eyes never leave his face as Dean Martian's song starts to play.

"Dino?" I say softly with a raise of my eyebrow.

"Dance with her." Rose all but orders.

"Ma.." His eyes stay glued to mine.

"Go on." She narrows her eyes at him.

"Come on." I whisper, my voice coaxing. "Dance with me."

His eyelashes flutter down to his cheeks for a second before he reaches for me. I keep us far enough apart to see his face as the lyrics start.

_Return to me  
Oh my dear I am so lonely  
Hurry back, hurry back  
Oh my love hurry back  
I am yours_

I hold on to his vulnerable gaze for as long as he'll let me before he looks up at the sky and pulls me closer. I settle against the crook of his neck.

_Return to me  
For my heart wants you only  
Hurry home, hurry home  
Won't you please hurry home  
To my heart_

"You request this?" I ask, my voice already unsteady.

"I used to listen to it..." He confesses, his hand closing over the back of my skull holding me to him, his thumb absently stroking my ear. "A lot."

_My darling  
If you hurt you, I am sorry  
Forgive me  
And please say you are mine  
Return to me_

He feels me sniff back the tears that we both knew were inevitable. Planting kisses against my hairline as I glide my arms up his back.

His fingers press into my hip pulling me closer, tighter.

_Please come back bella mia  
Hurry back, hurry home  
To my arms, to my lips  
And my arms  
(Return to me)_

"What's it mean?" I ask him, salty tears slipping down my lip.

"_My beautiful_." He tells me breathlessly. My skin burns where are bodies touch.

_Return to me  
God te mia ti amo  
Solo tu, solo tu  
Solo tu, solo tu  
Mi amour  
(Return to me)_

"_God, you are mine I love you. Only you , only you , only you , only you, my love._" His voice is thick, and I can feel the tears he's been fighting on the side of my face as he whispers the words in my ear.

"Boz.."

"I love you." His tone is suddenly serious and I know he's not translating anymore. I lift my eyes to his. "Faith I love you."

"I love you too." I barely hear myself as he presses our foreheads together.

"I missed you." He lifts up and kisses my forehead.

"I'm so sorry.." I pull an arm loose and caress his neck.

"I know." He stops me. One look at him and I know he does.

"It wasn't you."

"I know. " He repeats his eyes boring into mine.

"Take me home."

* * *

He closes the bedroom door with my body, pushing my dress up over my head. His lips devour the skin around my throat.

"Boz.." I whisper, before he presses his hips tight against me. Then I'm not whispering anymore as his mouth dips lower into the cleavage of my black bra. "Oh God Bosco."

"Shh... Kids.." He mutters backing us up towards the bed.

"They went to your mom's." I chuckle. His eyes flash.

"Great idea." He moves his lips to the soft place just behind my ear. I move my hands down his back before gripping his ass and pulling him even closer. He growls, moving forward and sweeping a hand across his desk sending pieces of paper and manila folders splattering across the floor as he drops me there.

He undoes his uniform belt and his pants fall away. He tugs until my panties and hose are tangled around my ankles, freeing one leg before I pull him back and slip my hand under the waist band of his boxers and gather my fingers around his length.

"Faith.." His head drops like a puppet who's strings have been cut, his face falling against the lace of my bra he sucks a piece into his mouth.

"I can't believe we're doing this.." I breath as he unhooks my bra and takes my nipple into his mouth. I pump my hand slowly. Feeling his body tense against mine.

"We're not supposed to think." He reminds me as his fingers dig into my hips as he pulls away dropping into the chair in front of me. "We're supposed to feel."

I stare as he pulls my hips to the edge, never breaking eye contact as he moves his mouth between my thighs. I couldn't think now if I wanted to. I brace myself against the walls of the alcove with both hands, crying out as my fingers curl around five years worth of newspaper clippings, sending them in shreds to the ground around us.

He tugs at my hips again, moving downward to the chair with him. Rocking it slowly as our body's mold around each other. His hips thrust forward steadily, as little sounds escape his lips. I capture them with mine before he pulls away and rests his head against the crook of my neck. I grind my body down and he inhales sharply, his hands moving back to my waist in an attempt to still me.

"Faith I can't-." His eyes slam shut when I do it again, his teeth coming down hard on his lower lip. "I don't think I can-."

"Don't think.." I whisper, my body trembling against him. I slide my face against his, my fingers encircling the spot where are body's meet. He gasps at the feeling of my cool fingers cupping against him before I rock foward and increase our pace. His head drops back gasping in attempts to breath against his will.

"Just feel.." I whisper, clenching my body against his.

"Faith.." It's urgent and seeking, his eyes open making sure it's really me. "God Faith.."

"Boz.. " the fact that I'm here to answer it is what I think gives him the push over the edge.

He shouts in release, his body clutching at mine.

"I love you." He pants. "I.. should have told you.."

"Shh.." I whisper holding him tight to me, running my hands over the warm sweat of his body. "Shh.. don't.."

He nods into me, and I can feel his shoulders start to shake. I press my face into his hair.

"I love you." He tells me, his voice choking back sobs. I have held him like this before, tension fear and regret leaving him weak and drained in my arms. "God help me Faith I love you so much."

"I love you." I assure pressing my lips against his head. "Shh.. it's okay.. I'm here."

He pulls up and looks at me with a slow nod. I smooth my hands across his face.

"I'm here."


	27. Chapter 27

"You're gonna run out of vacation time." Katie's looking down at my request like it's gonna self destruct.

"I've taken like half of my days since I got here." I sigh, before glancing up quickly. I never know for sure if I'm talking to Katie or my boss.

"You just took a week!" She screeches, and my shoulders sag. She's Katie.

"So this makes two." I whine. I can whine at Katie. "I get three a year."

"Don't you whine at me Boscorelli." She shakes her head.

"Are you denying my request Lieutenant?" I raise an eyebrow innocently. She rolls her eyes before signing off on my paper.

"Second Honeymoon?" She grins her best fake grin at me.

"No." I tell her dryly. "I'm saving that for after the first one."

Katie's eyes widen.

"Shut... up.."

"Don't give me that." I shake my head back and forth, grinning wildly. "You knew I was in love with her before I did."

"Are you eloping?"

"No." I chuckle.

"God you scared the shit out of me!" Katie flops into her chair.

"What?!"

"She's only been back like two weeks."

"It's been a long two weeks."

"You can't be serious." She looks at me like I'm crazy. "Seriously.. ?" I blink at her. "You are serious! No wonder you haven't returned my phone calls."

She suddenly seems less like my boss, and more girl I dated that's more than a little miffed I've been blowing her off for my old flame.

"I'm not saying soon." I tell her gently. "But yeah, we'll probably get married. We have two kids together." I smirk and she snickers."I gotta go talk to Sam."

I nod my head and rush out of her office.

"Wait you never told me where you were going!" She calls after me.

"I gotta catch Sam." I look at my watch. "He's gonna leave. "

She rolls her eyes again, dramatically crossing her arms across her chest as I bust through the outer doors of her office and veer right into the locker room.

"Hey!" I call half out of breath as I see my partner button the top button of his shirt.

"Thought you called in?"

"I took the week. I had to have Katie sign."

"Another week?"

"Don't start." I snicker. "Katie already gave me the lecture."

"Ah.. she's.." Sam shakes his head. "A woman."

I nod, that's all I can do. We both know he's right.

"I was hoping I could buy you a beer. I gotta story to tell you." He raises an eyebrow and nods quickly.

"If you're buying it must be a dozy of a story."

* * *

It all kinda just poured out. The whole thing. Me and Faith, the academy till now. Sam didn't say a word, his eyebrow lifting slowly at some points, his head nodding even more slowly at others. I finish with this afternoon.

"We sat the kids down after I called in. Told them we had to go to Maryland, get some of her things. " I nod. "I didn't tell them that we gotta meet with her _publisher_."I swallow, my eyebrows arching before I realize I have no idea what he thinks. "You're awfully quiet."

"Lot to take in." He snorted.

"I guess so." I rub the back of my neck. "I shoulda told you. Sully and Ty thought it'd be better. I don't think they saw us lasting this long."

He nods slowly.

"Sullivan told me you'd be a good partner and he was right." Sam looks up at me and I peel the paper off the corner of my bottle. "Told me you needed somebody to rein you in. Said you'd had a rough couple years. Lost a partner. That you were raisin two kids on your own. Didn't tell me those two things were connected."

"I was a mess Sam." I shake my head. "When Faith disappeared.. it was like everything that had kept me together just crumbled." I shake my head slowly pulling it back as I roll my eyes. "You helped ground me. I don't think I'd still be a cop if you hadn't teamed up with me."

My partner holds my eyes for a few minutes before nodding.

"You're a good man Maurice. A good cop." He points his beer bottle at me for emphasis. God, I love this old man. A small grateful smile tugs at my lips. He nods his head at me in that really slow manor that drove me crazy the first year we rode together. "If I had anything to do with keeping it that way.. it was worth it."

* * *

"So you guys'll be able to get the schedule figured out?"

"_This is a bad idea._" Sully sighs. I lean the phone against my shoulder and press my palm into my forehead.

"Sul, it's something she's gotta do and I gotta do it with her."

"_What about the kids_?" Faith runs her hand over my back, before leaving the kitchen.

"You and Ma can figure out the kids for a week. Probably not even that long."

"_What about Emily's dance.. thing.._?"

"We'll be back before then." I roll my eyes. He sits silently not saying all the things he wants to say right now. I glance into the living room. She's checking our suitcases again, closing them both and snapping the locks shut. I lower my voice. "Sul.. she's still Faith."

_"Bosco_.." He lets out an uncomfortable breath.

"When we get back.." I rub my hand over my face. "I want you to sit down with her and listen to what she's gotta say."

"_There is nothing she can say.._"

"Sully you gotta just listen to her." I almost shout before shooting my eyes to Faith. She blinks back at me before shooting me a sad smile. "Sully.. "

"_When you get back."_ He snorts reluctantly before adding amendments. "_She's gotta talk to Swertzsky. She's gotta let people know she's not dead._"

"We know."

"_Every body's been asking how you're doin' since the accident. I'm lying my ass off around here Bosco._" He adds for guilt.

"I'm sorry about that. I just wanted to give her some time."

_"I talked to Sam._" He sighs in defeat.

"Yeah?"

"_He says you're in a good place with this. Told me to cut you a break_." Thank God for Sam.

"That'd be a first."

"_Shut up_."

"Sul I gotta go. Are we good?"

"_I got the schedule Bosco. If I mess up Emily will call me on it before I have time to blink._"

"That's not what I meant."

"_We're good._" He groans. "_Don't get all mushy on me."_

"See ya soon."

"_Not if I see you first._" I can't help but grin as the phone goes dead.

I put it in my pocket before sliding on my jacket. Faith's standing in the doorway with her purse when I turn around.

"Sully still pissed as hell at me?" She asks softly. I raise an eyebrow and shrug.

"You ever known him to be easygoing?"

"He's been good to you." Faith cocks her head to the side whispering her observation with a hint of surprise. I shake my head.

"He's been great to me." I move forward blinking at her before lifting my hand to her arm. "He did _that _for **you**."

She bats her suddenly teary eyes at me, shaking her head like she does when she's trying to fight off emotion. I kiss her lips before pulling her into the living room.

"Sully is Sully and he will come around." I glance back at her, she sniffs before nodding as I grab the suitcases and jerk my head towards the door. "Let's get this over with."


	28. Chapter 28

**Sorry it's been so long. This story is always on my mind, but I can't always get it on the screen!  
Lori**

* * *

When I can't keep my eyes open anymore I pull off the highway and into a fast food joint. I stop the car, leaning my head back and blinking at her asleep. Her eyes twitch when the motion stops and I can't help but smile when she turns towards me.

"Are we there?"Her voice is soft, her hand moves slowly towards me, touching my shoulder before her eyes slip open.

"No." I tell her, she smiles her eyes blinking shut for a moment before lifting.

"Told you you'd get tired."

"Wanna burger?" I ask knowing she'll shake her head and rolling my eyes when she does. "Faith come on! You never eat anymore."

"I eat." She whines.

"You pick. You don't eat." I moan.

"If it means that much to you I'll eat a burger." Her eyes drift shut again, her head lulling towards me. I lean over and press my mouth to hers. She smiles against my lips as I pull away and slip out of the jeep. "Boz?" I turn, watching her green eyes glow at me. "Get fries too."

* * *

"Here." I thrust the bag of fries at her and open my burger and biting off about a third.

"I could drive for a while."

"After you eat." I tell her, narrowing my eyes. She bites at a fry, giving me a dirty look. There is something surreal about burgers in a car with her, like time rewound. She catches my eye again and gives me a knowing smile.

"Thank you." She whispers her fingers brushing against my jaw.

"For what?" I catch her elbow, holding her there.

"Making this trip with me." She looks down at the bag, picking out another fry and I take another bite.

"I sure as hell wasn't going to let you go alone." I tell her, my mouth full of burger.

She sniffs back a laugh, her lips breaking into a broad smile.

"You couldn't get ride of me now if you wanted to." She shakes her head.

"Oh yeah?" I wipe at the edges of my mouth with a napkin before tossing that and my wrapper in the bag. In the time that it's taken me to eat my burger Faith's had three french fries. "Why's that?"

"You're too good."

"Too good?" I shake my head at her before pulling out another fry and lifting it to her lips. She takes it absently.

"In bed." She tells me, continuing to chew. I almost choke on the fries I've shoved in my own mouth.

"Excuse me?" The exclamation is mangled as it leaves my full mouth. She continues to look at me innocently.

"If I had known you could do that thing with your tongue? Maryland would have been too far away.. Hell.. the other side of the car would have been-."

I silence her with another french fry, she grabs my hand. I'm shaking my head at her, eyes wide as she raises her eyebrows playfully before licking the salt off my fingers.

"Damn Woman." I mutter.

"Still tired?" She asks creeping over to my side of the jeep.

"Faith..."

"Yes?"

"Someone'll see." I look around cautiously as she unbuttons the fly of her jeans and starts to shimmy them over her hips.

"No one's looking." She attaches her lips to my neck and I almost black out.

"Faith.." There is much less protest, my fingers dig into her hip.

"Still me." She answers, undoing the buttons of my shirt.

"If you think this is going to distract me from making you eat the burger.." I mutter slipping my arms up her shirt and unfasoning her bra. "You got another thing coming."

She giggles, even though I think she knows I mean it.

* * *

"Bosco?" I wake up on guard from the seriousness of her voice.

"What's wrong?" I push myself forward in the seat, my eyes taking in the scene from the dashboard. It's a brighly lit truck stop.

"Nothing." She tells me sadly, her eyes shining.

"You worked here.." I realize taking in the scene before turning back to her.

"The bus from the train station stops here. I got off." She nods. "This was the first place."

I fish for her hand, smoothing my thumb back and forth on her knuckle.

"You wanna go in?" I ask softly. She shakes her head, before turning her haunted eyes to me.

"I just wanted you to see.." She swallows so hard my throat feels tighter.

"Okay." I whisper.

"Okay.." She looked back at the truck stop. I watch her stare for a few minutes before touching her shoulder.

"Faith.. You want me to drive for a while?" Her head shakes again and she lurches the car into reverse and starts back towards the highway.

* * *


	29. Chapter 29

When I open my eyes I'm surprised by the daylight. My eyes fall on Bosco fighting with a map outside my window. He's sitting on a picnic table, turning it over and over in his hands. Searching for North, I can't help but smile. He curses and I giggle, looking out the driver's side window. Taking a deep breath, I slip out of the the car.

My eyes scan the familiar main street, my eyes blinking. It seems surreal now. Like a place I know from a movie, not a place I lived up until 16 days ago. I see Virgil Groth watching Boz from across the street. He waves clumsily when he happens to glance my way before moving on, satisfied that the unfamiliar face belongs to someone.

"Emily!" Comes a bellow from across the street. It takes me a moment before I remember that's probably directed at me. I turn towards a woman in jeans and a faded flowered blouse.

"Joanna." I call back. My peripheral vision picks up Boz's stunned glance.

"You're back." She hugs me clumsily.

"I am." I breath, nodding half hearted.

"How was Connecticut?"She wipes her hands on her jeans before moving the free flying wisps of hair back into place.

"It was okay. Big turn out." I squint, trying to remember.

"You stayed over?"

"No." I press my lips together. "I went home for a while. Visited with my family."

"How nice." She doesn't hide her surprise. I've never spoken of any family, any friends.

"It was." I look back over at Boz. He watches me curiously.

"You bring someone back?"Her eyebrows raise when she looks him over. I can't help but smirk, my head bobs down to the floor.

"A friend." I bite my lip again. You'd have thought just once on the drive out here I'd have thought about what I was going to say to these people. My friends, Emily's friends anyway.

"You okay?" Joanna puts her hand on my arm and I suddenly feel ever inch of the fraud that I am.

"I'm here to pack up Joanna." I tell her, tilting my head to the side. "It's time for me to go home."

She studies me in a way that makes me think she might know more about who I actually am that I thought.

She nods, patting my arm.

"You can only run in one direction for so long before you circle back around to where you came from." She glances back at Bosco.

"I should introduce you." I say hesitantly. She shakes her head.

"Something like that you wanna keep to yourself." She raises her eyebrows in approval of my partner before giving me a small smile. "You come see me before you leave."

I watch her heading back across the street before heading towards the picnic table and taking Bosco's map from him.

"Come on." I tell him with a sad smile. "I'll drive."

* * *

His eyes watch me intently as I pull off the main road and onto the gravel drive that will lead us into the woods.

"We're almost there. " I whisper.

"You okay?" He whispers back. My lips curve into a smile. The worry has been radiating off of him since the truck stop. If I thought I could pry my hands off the wheel I'd touch him. I take the right turn and pull the car off to the side. His eyes turn curious and I smile again.

"I have to unlock the gate."

"I'll do it." He says softly his hand dropping to his seat belt, I cover it with mine.

"I have to do it." I pull my hand away and slip out of the car. I fiddle with the lock until I gives, pushing the gate out of the way. Boz gets out anyway. Crossing in front of the car and pulling it through. I close the gate out of habit, but leave the lock dangling as I climb back in. We approach the house in silence. Bosco moves the jeep into park and we stare.

It looks different, like something I've seen in a movie, not the place I lived for five years. I know every inch of it, but it suddenly looks foreign.

Beside me, my partner chuckles and I turn to him.

"All that time I looked." He tells me sadly, no hint of anger. "I'd have never looked here."

I lay my cheek against his shoulder, pushing down the guilt.

"You don't have to look anymore." I tell him softly. He turns his head and presses his lips against the soft skin of my temple.

"Ready?"

"Ready as I'm going to get." I huff, hauling myself out of the car and making my way up the walk. Bosco watches me shove the door mat over and pick up the key from there.

"Safe." He mutters sarcastically.

"Out here I was paranoid because I locked my doors." Joanna never let me hear the end of it when she realized I did that. She'd gone on and on about how never in her years had someone had a reason for door lockin. I'd wondered what she would have thought about the 9mil I kept in my purse.

The house is musty when I swing the door open and I swallow hard before going in. Boz stops in the doorway, looking around the modest room.

"This is it?"

"Yep." I tell him, joining his eyes as they bounce from wall to wall.

"You've got money like Trump but you're living in a one room cabin in the woods?" His lips flick into a grin as I stick my tongue out at him.

"I didn't need much." I tell him in irritation pointing as I talked. "Bed. Desk. Kitchen."

"Tell me there's a bathroom."

I point at the door behind me before narrowing my eyes at him.

"I'm sorry. You're right. You didn't make fun of my house.." His lips twitch again. "Besides what do I know? I've never seen a cabin in the woods before. This is probably the delux model."

"Why did I bring you again?" I laugh, watching him move across the floor to me.

"Cause you can't stand to be away from me, remember?" His voice is thick as he wraps his arms around me. I blink at him before dropping my face to his for a kiss. He deepens it right away. I wonder if he feels the same need I did in the jeep last night. Like sex is the physical reminder of the here and now. It's what keeps us grounded right now and I dont' know if that's good or bad. But as Bosco's lips work down my neck I know I'm going to let it stand for now.

"Remind me." I order, tugging at the zipper of his fleece jacket. He lets me take it off before weaving his hands into my hair and pulling me closer. I dont realize we're moving until my legs hit the back of the bed and the next thing I know he's on top of me, unbuttoning my blouse.

Healthy or not, it's a nice reminder I decide as I undo his pants and work them over his hips.

* * *

The knock on the door wakes me, I nudge at my partner until he mutters something unintelligible at me.

"Someone's knocking." I whine.

"'surehouz." He tells me burying his head deeper in the pillow.

"What?"

"It's your house." He tells me louder. I open my eyes, slowly looking around the room. It is in fact my house. I glance at the clock over my desk and moan.

"Get dressed." I tell him, yanking back the blankets and scurrying into my top. The knockings a little louder this time."Just a minute!" I pull my jeans back on and start working the buttons on my shirt."Boz, put your pants on." I toss them towards his head.

"Fine." He's zipping them when I look back, tossing the door open and greeting Alan's worried face with a smile.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"I don't think you've ever knocked before." I tell him quietly.

"Didn't seem right." He looks over my shoulder to where Bosco's struggling into his shirt.

"Probably a good call." I add opening the door wider and pointing to the small table. He drops his brief case on it before looking at my partner.

"You guys haven't really been introduced." I say softly. Bosco has the good sense to look apologetic as he joins me at my side. "Alan this is my partner, Maurice Boscorelli."

Bosco swallows extending his hand to Alan.

"Officer Boscorelli." Alan says nervously.

"Bosco." My partner corrects, looking down at his shoes. "Please."

I catch his hand as he drops Alan's and wrap my fingers in his.

"Bosco." Alan repeats, his eyes falling on our hands. I give him a small smile when he looks back at me. "Now there is the problem of what I should be calling you."

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Bosco tightens his grip reassuringly.

"Faith." I blurt out ungraciously before collecting myself. "You should call me Faith."

"Faith." He nods, followed by more staring. "Well. I um.." He lifts his briefcase. "I brought the papers you requested. It signs everything over to.. Bosco.. until you legally exist."

"I meet with the judge in two weeks." I tell him, biting my lip. Boz rubs his thumb over the back of my hand.

"We'll have to go to the library, to have that woman there notarize it."

"Angela."

"Yes, right." He dips his head, dropping onto a chair and opening the forms. "You'll want to look it over-."

"I trust you." I tell him in a rush, shaking my head. I watch the look of betrayal cross his face as he turns back to the papers.

"Right.. Mr. Boscorelli might feel differently. It's a large sum of money we're talking about here."

I turn my head, looking into Bosco's eyes. He blinks at me, reading my stare before pressing his lips together and giving me a little nod.

"Nah." He holds my gaze until I'm ready to pin him to the wall and tear his clothes off. "I'm okay with it."

I smile at him. It's moments like these that I'm glad we never 'got involved' when we were still in an RMP together. There's no way I could have fought this feeling, everyone would have known. Hell, half the department thought we were anyway. Alan clears his throat and it reminds me he's still sitting there, which is probably for the best.. considering.

"Well.. so Library."

"Alan.." I bite my lip again. "I don't really know what to say to you."

He sighs.

"I just don't understand how you could-." He stood up about half way though and I feel Boz tense beside me. Alan notices too, immediately backing away and sitting back down.

Bosco pulls his hand from mine, walking back towards the bed and sitting down.

"Alan."

"Your body guard is actually quite intimidating."

"Sorry." Boz mumrmers from the bed.

"It's his job." I explain. "For ten years it was his job to protect me."

"We protected each other." Bosco calls from the bed. I glanced at him quickly before turning back to Alan.

"I know you're mad, and you have every right to be mad."

"We don't have to discuss this." He holds up his hand. "I just need to know what you want to do about the last book."

My eyes close instantly.

"What?" Bosco asked in confusion.

"It was a five book deal. She owes my publishing company another book."

"Another book?" He's looking at me when I open my eyes.

"It's all but written." I tell him.

"No it's not." Alan shakes his head. "It's started, maybe half way, but it's not near finished."

"You have to write another book?"

I nod.

"By the end of the year." Alan adds.

"Alan!" I shout. "I know you're angry but you can't seriously expect me to-."

"I do expect you to. My boss expects you to." He gives me a genuine look. "I'm not doing this to get back at you Emil-." He stops and I drop my head back to stare a the ceiling."I'm sorry.."

"It's okay." I growl in frustration.

"You too need to talk." Bosco decides, standing up and moving across the room. "Can I have your keys?"

"Where are you going?"

"Town?" He squeaks, lifting his hands into the air. I can't help but grin at him.

"You remember how to get back?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"I have a map." I make a scary face and he rolls his eyes at me. "The jeep has GPS right?"

"Yes." I grin.

"Nothing out here is on GPS." Alan even sounds amused.

"I'll risk it." He tells me in irritation.

"We'll have to go to the library." I tell him softly. "So I might not be here when you get back."

"How big is town."

"Not big."

"So maybe I'll see you there?"

"Probably." I smile.

"Kay." He nods.

"Don't piss off the locals." I warn as he leans in and catches my lips.

"No promises." He calls back as the door starts to shut behind him.

I turn back to Alan. He blinks at me.

"You really are a whole other person aren't you?"

I press my lips together and nod. I guess so.


	30. Chapter 30

**Next chapter is Mr. Boscorelli goes to town. :)  
**

* * *

The kettle whistles and a I take it off of the stove, dropping it on the table between two teacups. Alan holds up his tea bag by the string as I pour, before I do the same with my own. I drop into my chair, lifting my eyes to him.

"How many times did we sit here and do this?" He asks softly.

"Lots." My eyebrow lifts before dropping back into place.

"Did you ever want to-?" He stops, bobbing the tea bag up and down. "I don't know just-."

"Spill my guts?" I guess, stirring a spoonful of sugar into the cup of tea I know I won't drink. Emily Charles drank tea, I only drink it when I can't sleep. I drink coffee. I always have.

"Yes."

"No." I tell him truthfully.

"Never..?"

"No." I press my lips together before lifting my gaze. "I couldn't have. If I would have said it out loud it would have made it real."

"It wasn't real?"

"No." I shake my head. "Not at the time."

"When did it start becoming real?" Alan asks me, sarcasm dripping off of his thickly accented tongue.

"When Bosco pulled me over on an exit ramp of the Verrazano Narrows Bridge." I spit back. Alan's eyes flash in realization.

"It was him?" I nod, drawing my hand across my lip in an attempt not to cry. He lifts his mug to his face before pulling it back. "What the bloody hell are the odds?"

"One less than impossible." I tell him, moving my spoon around again.

"Shit."

"It's not like I didn't think of him. Or my kids. Or my life." I shake my head, tears threatening to fall as I do. "I thought about them all the time.. I. I just had to make it.. something that didn't exists anymore. Something I didn't have. I had to believe that it was over or I wouldn't have be able to stay away."

"You did though. For years."

"I did." I breathe the words out towards the tea cup.

"And they've taken you back?" Alan tilts his head at me, his eyes blinking lazily.

My lips twitch into a smile.

"They have."

* * *

"Emily!"

"Hi Angela." I grin at her. She generally cute, but today she's downright adorable. I used to spend a lot of time with Angela. I now that I see her now I know why. I'm also amazed by my own ability to deny the obvious.

"I got into NYU!" She screeches. My mouth falls open.

"Oh Ang!" I charge around her counter and toss my arms around her.

"I couldn't wait to tell you!"

"I'm so proud of you." I whisper, running my hands through her thick curls."I told you you'd get it!"

"I think the letter of recommendation from a best selling author might have helped a little." She grins. "I'm sorry.." She glances at Alan. "I bet you're here on business.

"You remember Alan." I tell her, my fingers still curved around her arm. She nods and I take a deep breath. "We have some legal papers we need you to notarize."

"Sure." She moves out of my grasp and I ache to have her back. When she looks at those papers it's all going to change. She opens the folder, examining it for a minute before looking up a me. I bite my lip, despite her soft features. "Who's Faith Yokas?" She asks innocently.

I take a breath trying to ignore Alan's stare.

"Me." I say softly. "That was my name before I came here."

Her lips part a little while she looks back at the papers.

"And Maurice Boscorelli?"

"He's my friend."

"I'd say he's a lot more than that." Alan mutters under his breath. I shoot him a glare before turning back to Angela.

"Remember how I told you once that I had a daughter a little younger than you?" Alan makes a disgusted noise and I work to ignore it, my eyes focusing on Angela's. I remember wondering why I had told her that. Now I know. It was like my heart was looking for someone to mother and my head landed on this bright librarian with thick curly hair just like Emily's.

"You said she lived with her father. That you were.. estranged." She nods and I nod back.

"I spent some time with them, after Connecticut." I say softly. "My ex-husband has passed on and she's been living with my friend."

"Maurice?" Angie guesses, looking down at the papers. My mouth twitches into a half smile when I hear him call her that, but I nod anyway.

"Now we're transferring the money I made from the book over to him."

"Oh." She looks back up at me. "Okay."

I watch her get out her notary kit, still looking dubiously at the papers.

"Do you get off at eight?"

"Yeah."

"Wanna go to Ellie's with me?" I try not to sound to pleading.

"Of course!" She says like I'm an idiot for asking. I let out the breath I was holding and smile at her.

"I'll meet you there." She nods at me.

"I found a book on New York City." She tells me her voice full of excitement. "Maybe you can make some sense of it. I swear, I don't know how people live there. It's going to take me forever to figure it out."

"I think you'll do okay." I tell her, feeling a little excited myself. Suddenly explaining to her that I'm from New York doesn't seem so horrible. I watch her stamp the papers, then Alan and I sign. My brain effortlessly scribbles Faith Yokas, like it never stopped before seamlessly adding_ aka Emily Charles_.

* * *

"You told Angie the Librarian but you didn't tell me?" Alan squawks as we leave the library.

"I told her had a daughter." I sigh.

"How many other townies know things about you I don't?"

"None." I huff. "I didn't want anybody to know."

"Now I'm _anybody_?" He pouts. It's not until this moment that I realize how much like Bosco Alan really is. Those are Bosco's words. He threw them at me years ago, but unlike Alan, I realize slowly, he had the right to.

"Alan you were there for me. You helped me. You pushed me, you made me a better writer than I knew I could be. Hell I didn't even know I could be a damn writer!" I've stopped in the middle of the street now, turning towards him. "But you don't really know me. You don't know who I am. The person you know is the small part I was willing to share. Angela has a better idea of who I actually am!"

His mouth is drawn into a straight line now as his gaze drops to his shoes.

"The rest of it was all me going through the motions." I shake my head, slowly. "All me trying to block out everything else. You don't know me." I flap my at my side. "I was born and raised in New York City. I got pregnant by my looser high school boyfriend my first semester of community college and got married. Before I knew it I had two kids and an alcoholic husband. When I became a cop.." I stop, fighting back the sudden wave of emotion that comes with saying that word. "When I became a cop.. when I met Boz.." I shake my head. "That's who I am." I wipe the frustrated tears from my eyes before they fall. Alan stands silently for a few seconds before handing me my copy of the manila folder. "I'm Bosco's partner. I'm Emily and Charlie's mom! I'm a New York City Police Officer!"

I take it gingerly as he takes a few steps back.

"Go be that then." He says coolly. "Send your final copy of the fifth book to my office by January first."

I watch him turn and walk back down the hill to the library parking lot. I don't say anything to try and stop him.

"Virgil?" I mutter after Alan gets into his car, tilting my head back to where the man's standing by the trees with out looking at him. "You seen Bosco?"

"I seen him up talking to Joanna 'while back."

"Thank you." I mutter, never glancing his direction.

"You really from the big city Miss. Emily?"

"Yup." I call stomping away towards Joanna's place.


	31. Chapter 31

I'm sitting on the same damn picnic table I was at this morning feeling just as lost. I made it to town okay. I just don't really know what to do now that I got here. I've been in a couple of small towns in my lifetime. Mostly in the Rangers, once or twice transferring prisoners. You do that a lot when you're a rookie, or when your in trouble. So I've done my fair share. Those trips were mainly just grabbing a soda or gas and getting the hell back to civilization though.

In the Rangers, if I spent any time in a small town it was usually looking for women. That's not the mission today. There's a barbershop, a library and a little restaurant looking place right across the street. There's also a guy hiding behind a tree a few feet over. He's pretty good actually, I almost didn't notice him right away. Almost.

It's the same guy from this morning and if I was at home I probably woulda yanked him out and said my piece, but this is clearly not home. I look over again, wondering if he knows I'm onto him. He nods half heartedly before crossing the street in his faded blue coveralls. I go back to looking at my feet and wondering where my partner is.

I don't like the idea of her being off with Alan the publisher and I honestly don't know why. It's not like I don't trust her. Even after everything there's no one I trust more than Faith. I think it's because she means so much to him, which means at some point she probably felt the same. I don't like that.

For what ever reason, Katie floats into my brain. Maybe for that very reason. I remember the look on her face when I didn't shoot down the idea of marrying Faith. Maybe Alan was the replacement me like Katie was kinda the replacement Faith. Maybe that's why I don't feel right about her being out with him and my being sitting her on a picnic table.

I tug my phone out of my pocket and hold it up. I could call the kids, check in.

"You ain't gonna get any service on this side of the tracks." I look up to find Faith's friend from this morning crossing the street."You gotta go up the hill towards the library."

"Not that important." I shrug, standing up to meet her.

"My brother said you've been sitting here a while. He was hoping you weren't lost."

"Nah." I say softly before putting on my cop voice. "Your brother see a lot?"

"He likes to keep his eyes on things." She says defensively.

"Back home we call that stalking." I snort.

"Good thing you ain't back home then." She counters. "Emily left you alone down here?"

_Emily_. It still makes my chest feel tight.

"She's meeting with Alan. She said she'd catch up after she'd been to the library." I tell her.

"Ah." She looked towards the bigger building. "I recon she'll take a while to say good bye to Angela." She looked back at me. "I better feed you then. She'd never forgive me if I let you starve here in the middle of the park." I watch her start back towards the street.

"This is a park?" I mutter before I can stop myself. She spins back around and gives me a wry smile.

"Swings, benches and a picnic table. What more do you need?"

"Where I come from.." I give her a smile. "This ain't no park."

"Well then. I'd love to hear all about where you come from." She tells me, cocking her head towards the diner.

* * *

"This is my brother Virgil. I think you seen him around town." She points to the stalker. "Martian and his wife Selma." She points to an older couple in a corner booth. "I'm Joanna."

"Bosco." I tell her, nodding at the crowd.

"This here is Emily's friend Bosco from down home."

"Rosco?" The old man calls back.

"Bosco." I correct with a friendly raise of the eyebrows. I just remembered Faith told me to behave, so I better.

"What kinda name is Bosco?" He mutters to his wife.

"What kinda name is Rosco." I mutter back under my breath. Joanna smiles at me before moving back around the counter.

"You like meat loaf?"

"I like almost anything with meat involved." I tell her with a shrug. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Don't have meatloaf back home with the great parks?" She teases.

"I'm Italian." I say like it's an explanation.

"That where Emily's from?" I like the sarcastic drawl of this woman's voice, she leans a little towards me. "Italy?"

"No." I can't help but grin before the dread falls over me. She's about to ask me where Emily's from.

"I ain't gonna ask ya." She says softly, making her way back to the kitchen. "That's hers to tell.. but if I had my guess I'd say some big city somewhere. Like Boston or Pittsburgh." I make a face, but she doesn't notice as she brings me back a plate. "I'd have said Chicago or St. Louis.. but those places aren't on the way home from Connecticut now are they?"

"Nope." I say, giving her meat loaf a once over before taking a bite and giving her an affirmative nod. "This is good."

"Thanks." The teasing tone is back and I realize I must have sounded surprised. I try to look apologetic as I shovel more meat loaf into my mouth. "You know.. I always pictured you taller." She sighs and the fork freezes half way to my face.

"You've pictured me?" I ask softly.

"You're Jack Holleran right?" She raises an eyebrow at me when she mentions Faith's character.

"No." I say quickly. "I'm not Jack Holleran. That guys a prick."

"No he's not." She says, waving her hand at me like I've insulted her friend. "If Jack Holleran were a prick would Mary Alice love him as much as she does?"

I swallow my meat loaf before screwing up my face at her.

"No. See she never said that. She never said she loved him. That's the kinda crap women read into it. My Ma read me the same line of crap. 'They're in love.' That's ridiculous." Joanna's head shakes back and forth as she pours me a glass of water to wash down the meal I'm speed eating."If she was so in love with him she'd have said something and they'd have been hitting it."

Joanna winces at my crude sexual reference before shaking her head.

"If she wasn't in love with him she wouldn't cover for him. She wouldn't put her self on the line for him over and over."

"She shouldn't!" I scoff, not bothering to swallow as I disagree. "She should run as far away from him as she can get!"

Maybe it's then when it hits me, or maybe I knew even before I started arguing, sometimes it's hard to tell with me. All I know is that I suddenly realize I may very well indeed be Jack Holleran, and she did run away.

"Problem is she'd just run back now wouldn't she?" She tells me softly, watching the look on my face.

"She didn't mean to." I whisper, wishing I could add the part about the bridge. The part about how it was all one big fluke.

"Yes she did." Joanna tells me with a furrowed brow before taking my now empty plate. "Maybe she just didn't know it."

"Then how do you?" I want her to be right more than anything. She gives me a gentle smile like she knows that.

"I've read the start of the last book silly." She tells me turning her head towards a glass case. "Pie?"

* * *

I'm on my second piece of pie and my third story about small town Emily Charles when the door swings open and Faith comes barreling in.

"Hey we were just talking about-." Joanna starts stopping shortly when she sees the look on my face. I drop off the stool and start towards her. Immediately on guard.

"What's wro-?" My sentence is cut off by my partners lips crashing into mine. I she puts her hand on the sides of my face pressing deeper into me. "Baby.." I mutter pulling back from her just a little she shakes her head and moves closer. "Faith." I push her back from me a little and meet her eyes.

"I recreated it." She tells me, shaking her head.

"What?"

"Alan, there's a girl at the library.." She shakes her head at me. "There's a little boy at the elementary school that I tutor." I push her hair out of her face. "Hell Boz I even taught Virgil about illegal search and seizure."

"And reasonable cause." The stalker reminds her from the door way.

"I wanna go home." She whispers.

"Okay." I say softly watching as she looks around self consciously realizing where we are. Selma and Martian have stopped talking to Josie Williams and 'her youngest boy' and turned towards us.

"Right now. I wanna go back and pack up." I nod as she swings her body back to the counter. "Joanna I'm so sor-"."

"No." The woman put her hand up quickly. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

"Ang is coming up here after work. We were going to meet Ellie's. If I'm not back in time.."

"I'll tell her you're on your way." She waves her hands towards the door.

Faith holds my hand tightly as I lead her to where I left the jeep. She's silent the whole drive back. It's not until I park the jeep that I turn to look at her.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." She whispers, dropping out of the jeep and opening the door. I follow, dropping my hands into my pockets. I close the door and Faith moves towards me. I know the look on her face quite well by now. It's the look of emotional desperation, one that usually ends up with our clothes in piles on the floor. I thread my hands up through her hair and kiss her.

She starts on my buttons again and I press my eyes shut.

"Faith.." I mutter, letting my head drop back as she kisses my chest. "Faith.?"

"Hum?" She huffs in frustration at my interruption, her gingers unbuttoning my pants.

"At some point.. we're going to half to talk about the emotional stuff instead of just trying to push it away with sex."

"Are you saying you don't want to have sex with me?" She asks her fingers cupping around my crotch.

"No.. I'd never say that." I tell her in an airy whisper.

"Okay then." She muttered efficiently before dropping back onto the bed. "Take off my pants."

* * *

Three hours later I'm trying to stay awake on highway 95 just North of Baltimore. I look at Faith, asleep next to me with a rubber-banded copy of the first draft of her last book held in her hands. It's one of the few things she actually brought with us.

I look in the rear view mirror at one of the other things she packed in the pack of the jeep. The nineteen year old girl, makes a soft noise before turning her head to lean against one of her three suitcases, letting her copy of The Complete Idiot's Travel Guide to New York City fall to the floor. I sigh, lifting my fourth cup of coffee to my lips.

The things I'll do for this woman..

* * *


	32. Chapter 32

I told Faith somewhere in those first few days she could have a room in the attic, and I'd done exactly nothing. I'm half way done with the dry wall by the time my daughter gets home from school.

"Bosco?" She calls from the foot of the stairs.

"Up here." I put my screw gun down, turning towards the door. "Good you got my message."

"You're back already?"She turned her head around looking at the half done room.

"We got back last night" I sigh.

"And you did all this?" She raises her eyebrow at me.

"Had too." I pick the screw gun back up and turn towards the wall. "Hold this."

She pushes the piece of dry wall into it's spot and waits as I screw it in.

"You guys have a fight or something?" Emily asks, watching me warily as I remeasure the next piece of wall and then dry wall.

"No Em.." I sigh, hauling up the next slice of soon to be wall. "You're Mom's at the mall.."

"I know she left me a message." My daughter shakes her head as I press the drill again. She blinks at me when I finish. "It's just.. you've been sharing a.. room.." She looks down with a blush and I can't help but smile. "..for like three weeks and now all the sudden you're rushing to finish the attic."

"We didn't have a fight." I grin. "We're fine."

"Then why all this?" She raises her eye brows at me and I smirk.

"I'm gonna let your mom do the honors." I snort.

She wrinkles her brow at me before her face pales.

"Oh God Dad you didn't knock her up all ready?"

She saves Dad for the serious stuff and it still always shocks me when she does it. I must shoot her a frightened look cause she mirrors it.

"Did you?" She squeaks.

"NO!" I shout back, our voices equally high.

"Are you sure?" She puts her hands on her hips. "You used a condom? Every time?"

"I.. we.." I squint in an attempt to remember before realizing I am the adult and she is the child. "Emily Jane that's none of your buisness!"

"We're back!" Both Em and I whip our heads to the stairwell.

"We?" Em whispers.

"Up here!" I yell. _Come save me! _ I struggle not to add.

"Hi!" Faith grins hugging Em tightly. "I missed you."

"You were gone three days." She mumbles from her mom's shoulder.

"Yeah well it felt like three years." She plants her lips on our daughter's forehead and I smile. Our daughter- I catch myself there. Our daughter. I blink at Faith for a minute."It looks great in here Boz."

"What's the mystery?" Em asks. "Bosco wouldn't tell me. He also wouldn't tell me if you two used protection every-." Faith's eyes widen in shock.

"Em." I mutter again.

"Oh my gosh!" Comes a squeal from the steps. "You did so much while we were gone!"

I can't help but smile as Angela's head swings from side to side as she looks at the room before she impulsively tosses her arms around my neck. "Thank you so much Officer Boscorelli!"

"Bosco." I remind her for the hundredth time before she turns and looks at Em.

"You must be the other Emily." She squeals, tossing her arms around her too. "I can't believe I finally get to meet you."

Em blinks at the young woman in the flowered dress like she just jumped off her space ship.

"Emmy this is Angela." Faith says boldly. "She's going to be going to NYU next semester. She's going to be staying with us for a while."

Emily's wide eyes turn slowly to me. Faith bites her lip and gives me a worried look.

"She's from Maryland. She and your mom became friends there." I provide. She turns back to Angela who's excitement hasn't slowed dwon at all despite the tension filled room.

"Nice to.." Emily takes a breath before looking at her phone as it starts to beep at her. "I have to pick up Charlie from boy scouts.." Angela's head turns towards Faith almost pleadingly.

"I was hoping you could take Angela with you?" Faith's lips going to start bleeding if she doesn't let it loose. "Show her some of the places you hang out here?" Emily's eyes travel over the girls long flowered dress before widening even more as she looked at her mother."We just.. got some new clothes. Maybe you could help her pick something out?"

"Oh.. good." Angela sighs in releif. "I'm not really good at stuff like that."

"Stuff..?" Emily clicks her eyes to Angela's.

"Clothing stuff." The older girl pressed her light pink lips together. Emily gives me a withering glance as Angela starts down the steps. "You'll have to tell me what goes with what."

"Goodie." Emily mutters dryly.

"She's just.." I sigh. "She's sweet."

"Sweet." Emily repeats, looking at Faith and then back to me. "I think I would have rather you had a baby."

I smirk as she stomps down the stairs.

"Had a-?" Faith shakes her head at me in confusion.

"Don't ask." I moan as Faith pulls another piece of drywall up and drags it to the frame. I screw it in, my eyes shooting form hers to the wall.

"What?"

"Are you on the pill?" I mutter

"Why the hell would I be on the-?" She stops talking and looks at me.

"Damn." I shake my head. "We gotta start being more careful." I watch her think about it. "Fuck we got to start being careful period."

"The dates are wrong." She tells me, shaking her head. "We should be fine."

"Should be?"

"We're fine." She tells me firmly. "How are we that dumb?"

"I don't know, lets just be thankful Emily's not." I growl.

"I'm not sure if that's a good thing." Faith crinkles her nose.

"You'd rather she be stupid like us?" I shake my head at bites her lip.

"I'd rather not talk about it." She admits softly.

"God it's a good thing we covered sex before you got back then." I tease. "I didn't know you were so pent up about it."

"I'm not pent up." She protests.

"Prudish almost." I raise my eyebrow.

"I'm not a-." I press my mouth to hers and her words turn into a low hum.

"Maybe you just need more practice?"

"Practice.." She mumbles dropping her mouth to mine. I've got my hands in the waistband of her pants when she pushes back suddenly. "Condoms!"

I jump when she yells before my face breaks into a grin.

"Jesus.." She rolls her eyes. "I.."

"I'll get some tonight." I tell her, kissing below her ear.

"And right now?" She whines.

"We'll improvise." I lower my hand until I find the top of her underwear and run my finger over the elastic.

"Kay." She breaths.

"But we should probably wait till the kids leave."

"Probably." She drops her head onto my shoulders and I hold my breath. "Maybe I should hurry them along?""

"Mumhum." I breath, almost whimpering when she pulls away and heads down the steps.

* * *

I'm wondering how long I should let the two of them go before I step in. I sigh as Emily yells something at Faith I can't make out.

_"I did not!"_ Faith yells back, her voice echoing up the stair well to the attic.

I look over my shoulder at Angela, her paint brush is still mid way through a stroke of sage green.

"It's a nice color." I tell her. She smiles at me before starting the motion again.

_"Okay then MOM tell me again how I SHOULD feel?"_ Emily yells.

Angela jumps a little. I walk the few steps down and close the door.

"Maybe you should say something." Angela whispers.

"I think maybe it's best if they just.." I wave my hand through the air. "Let them go."

"Maybe it's best if I see if I can move onto campus early." She tells me.

"It's not you." I shake my head. "They've been arguing like this since Emily could talk. They're just too much alike."

"Alike?" She squeaks, her head shaking faster than mine. "No way."

"They are!" I laugh, moving the tarp covering the brand new double bed over enough for me to sit down. "They're both strong women who hate to be told what to do. Neither one of them has a clue how to handle anger. Neither one of them have a clue how to handle the other!" I door down stairs slams shut and I take a deep breath. "This is good." I say softly, trying to convince myself that. "They're comfortable with each other now. That's what they say.. the counselor and our priest.. They argue cause they're more comfortable."

She grins at me like she knows I think it's a load of crap.

"Could be." I shrug.

"Emily's." She stops, biting her lip. "Faith's.. "

I watch her head bob down.

"It's still weird huh?"

"Yeah.." She breaths.

"Imagine how Em feels."

"Which one?" She grins at me.

"Both I guess." I sigh. "See it's complicated."

"Yeah." She runs the brush back through the paint. I pick up a roller and start in on the top.

"Almost done." I smile.

"I can't believe you did this in all in a week." Her smile is contagious. I laugh at her, a drop of paint shaking free of the roller and landing on her face. "Hey!"

"Oh sorry." I mutter taking my thumb and smearing it across her face.

"Hey!" She splashed the paint brush out at me. I jerk back, catching sight of Emily on the steps.

"You done screaming at each other?" I mutter, wiping the paint flecks off of my face.

"She locked herself in the bedroom so I guess so." She snorts, her hands on her hips.

"Jeez Em, can't you give her a break? Just a little one?" I put up my hand, showing a small space.

"Yeah it's all me." She huffs.

"I didn't say that." I huff back, walking past her and kissing her cheek with my paint speckled face."Since you seem to be in tact, I'm gonna go survey the other half of the damage."

I'm down the steps when I hear her cold voice.

"Look, you already have my mom, you don't get my dad too." I'm wheeling around to set the record straight and to put Emily in her place when I hear Angela's calm voice reply.

"If you think I could hold a candle to you in your parent's eyes you're not as smart as you look."

There's nothing for a minute before I hear Angela sigh.

"Are you gonna help me finish or not?"

"Fine, but I'm not cleaning up Bosco's mess."

"Whatever, we'll save it for him." Angela giggles. "The faster we finish the faster you can kick me out of your room."

"Paint faster." Emily laughs.

* * *

"Hey."

She's laying across our bed with her hands over her eyes and it actually brings a smile to my face.

"I know everyone keeps saying it's getting better but I don't think it's getting better at all." She moans. "I mean I know we've only been four times but we're ripping each other apart and I can't-."

During her tirade I crawl across the bed and pull her hands down.

"It's getting better."

"She hates me. She hates Angela. She hates me for Angela.. I should have never brought her here. But I couldn't leave here there.. and I.. I don't know if it would have mattered anyway!"

"Come here." I whisper, tugging her off the bed and into the hall.

"I don't wanna-."

I press my fingers to my lips, pointing up the stairs. At some point Charlie must have joined them because I can hear him laughing too as Emily and Angela are singing some teeny bopper country song that makes me roll my eyes.

_"Our song is the slamming screen doors, Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window! When we're on the phone and you talk real low 'cause it's late and your mama don't know!!"_

"It's getting better." I whisper, pressing my lips against her temple._  
_


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N. Mandy I agree about Angela.. but hey.. I just write what _they_ tell me.**

* * *

_What do you want to do?_

It sounds like such an easy question, but when the therapist asked me that this morning he might as well of asked me who killed JFK.

"We're good right?" Bosco mumbles his finger grazing against my shoulder before hooking under the strap of my bra and pulling it down._ What do you want to do? _"Faith.."

"Humm?" He presses his lips to my clavicle.

"You said two weeks right? It's been two weeks?" He pants in my ear.

"Two weeks?" I mutter, feeling him pull back slightly. "What?"

"The pill.. you said when you'd been on the-." He huffs, moving further away from me. "Am I doing something wrong here?"

"Wrong?"

"You seem a little distracted." He snaps, his hands dropping from my body completely.

"Sorry." I wince at him, moving my hand over his face."It's not you."

I drop back onto the bed, watching him rub his face before slipping down next to me.

"Wanna talk about it?"

I run my teeth over my lip a few times before shaking my head.

"At my appointment this morning I was complaining about writing the book.."

"I told you, just send him what you have. If he doesn't like it then fuc-."

"Boz.." I snap, glaring up at him.

"Sorry." He straightens out his elbow until his face is inches away from mine.

"He asked me what I wanted to do."

"What you wanted..?"

"If I didn't want to write the book what did I want to do.."

"And?" I roll my eyes at him. "You don't know." He realizes. I nod. "Worse things have happened you know."

"Bosco.." I moan.

"You're a control freak Faith."

I actually scoff at him, my eyes rolling back into my head.

"They're gonna stick like that." He tells me patiently,and I can't help but smile. "You are a control freak and maybe it's good for a change for you not to be three steps a head of yourself."

"Boz."

"Write the stupid book." He shrugs. "Then see what's next."

He kisses the base of my throat, pulling back slowly.

"What's next?" I humm. He kisses me again.

"Dad!"

"Apparently Charlie." He huffs rolling onto his back. I pull up my bra strap and adjust my tshirt. "Yeah!"

"Sully's on the phone!"

"Take a message!"

The door swings open and Charlie reaches the cordless across the room.

"He said he's gotta message for ya if you don't come to the damned phone."

* * *

"You're not wearing that." Emily shakes her head, walking across the room and pressing Angela back into her bedroom.

"She doesn't need to wear anything cause the three of you are staying home."

"We are not." My daughter turned her head towards me with a look of disgust. "Now get in there."

"You need our support." Angela adds before Emily shoves her into the bedroom. "What's wrong with it?"

"It matches." Emily sighs.

"I thought it was supposed to match?"

"Not that well." She argues. "You look like a librarian."

"I am a librarian!"

"No you _were_ a librarian. Now you go to NYU." My mouth twitches into a grin despite myself. "Get in there Laura Ingles Wilder."

"Ready?" Bosco turns the corner from the kitchen adjusting his tie. I nod."You okay?" I nod again.

"Dad?" Charlie appears behind him, holding up his own tie like it's a snake. Bosco takes it from him with a huff and puts it on.

"Where are the girls?"

"Em's making Angela change." I mutter. "I think they should stay here."

"No." Bosco shakes his head. "We talked about this."

"What if I get arrested?"

"You're going to get arrested?" Charlie's eyes widen, and I can't tell if it's fear or excitement.

"You're not going to get arrested." Bosco rolls his eyes at me.

"I could."

"We talked about this."

"You think they should see me in lock up?"

"They're gonna lock you up!" Charlie squeals with what is most definitely excitement.

"No one's getting locked up." Bosco huffs. "Em! Now!"

"Okay okay" The door opens and even I have to admit Em was right. Ang grins at me, running her hands over the dark navy blue skirt that must be Emily's.

"Better?"

"You all look gorgeous. Lets go, Ma and Morty are gonna beat us there." Bosco snorts, shoving us towards the door.

* * *

If this IAB guy doesn't stop starring at me I think Bosco's gonna hit him. And I honestly think I might let him.

At least then I'll have a friend in lock up. The door swings open and I can hear Emily and Angela arguing from the hallway. I smile up at Bosco. He gives me a wink.

"The boss just pulled up." Davis breaths from behind me. Bosco straightens himself up against the wall, a new look of worry crossing his features.

Morty pats my hand in support before sliding another piece of paper to the Union rep. He reads it over before handing it back to the gawking rat.

"Awh Damn it." I hold my breath when I hear Bob Swertsky's voice behind me. "Boscorelli what the hell did you do that was so bad Sullivan had to fetch your old boss and cart him down to 1PP?"

"I.." Bosco stops, looking at me before pressing his palms against the table. "Hey Lieu."

"Hey Lieu?" The man chokes. "Sullivan? Davis? What the hell is this all about?"

Bosco's eyes meet mine before he jerks his head ever so slightly towards Swertsky. "Go ahead."

I slowly turn in my chair until I'm facing my boss for the first time in over five years.

"Holy Hell." He mutters softly, giving me the 'you're dead' look that I've become familiar with.

* * *


	34. Chapter 34

**Sorry guys. I have to break my pattern soon. The story's wrapping up and I'm probably gonna need to switch between Boz and Faith in future chapters. I'll try to make it clear as crystal who's talking.  
**

* * *

"Here." Swertsky takes the cup of coffee from Davis slowly. "Faith, Bosco wants to talk to your for a minute."

I nod, my eyes not leaving my boss until I have to turn towards the door, watching him shake his head slowly, still in disbelief.

"You okay?" Bosco whispers slipping his hands up and down my arms. My eyes are so wide the burn, but I nod anyway. I know my face is blank because Bosco mirrors it. "I'm gonna take the kids for food."

"You should take them home." I mutter. "This could take all night.. you know.. to be undead.."

His face twitches into a smile and he leans in and kisses my face right above my eyebrow. I roll my forehead against his chin for a minute before sighing.

"Sully's gonna drop Ma and them off after I feed them. You want anything?" He pulled back, grinning. "Something from the city you want me to pick up?"

"You know what I want?" I looked up almost hopefully.

"Fung Chang's." He says softly, drawing his thumb across my cheek. "Number four with egg rolls." My smile feels out of place against my cheeks, but I can't help it. "I'll be back soon. Davis is gonna stay with you."

"Okay."

"I want you to listen to Morty."

"Okay."

He pressed his lips to my forehead. letting go with a smacking sound.

"Mom?" Emily breaths lightly as Bosco steps back. I pull her to me this time I'm the one doing the forehead kissing. I lean over her and kiss Angela on the cheek before smoothing out Charlies rumpled hair. Em lets me go and Rose cups my cheek before herding the children after Boz who turns back to look at me.

"Be right back." He mouths. I nod, before turning back into the little room.

Swertsky shakes his head.

"He gonna bring you some Fungs?" Davis asks, handing me back my coffee. I smile.

"You'll never know how good that sounds." I breath. Swertsky snorts, my eyes snap immediately to him. His face is amused. .

"I still can't get over the fact that you're actually sittin' here talking to Davis about Chinese Chicken from Fungs." He tosses his hands up in the air. Ty presses his lips together, he and I both know what comes when the shock wears off. "We searched.." His head shakes slowly. "And searched.. didn't we Davis?"

"Yes sir." Ty mumbles, looking down at the desk to avoid my eyes.

"I thought I was responsible."

"Sir." I lift my chin, but he's looking over my shoulder, off somewhere else.

"We should have been there for you more."

"The department did more than I could have aske-." I argue. He shakes his head.

"_We let this happen_." He says airily and Ty makes a strangled sound taking a few steps back. "That's what he kept saying.. "

I look at Davis, his expression is pained.

"He paced that locker room for.. an hour.. when I took him off the streets that first day. He'd gone right back out. Remember Ty? Told me I could shove his badge up his ass." He snorts and Ty smiles. "So I had Sully and Davis keep him in the locker room. "_We let this happen.. they took her in the middle of the day...right out from under our noses_."

I don't brush away the tears that start slowly down my face. I can see Bosco in that moment more clearly then I like.

"All these years.. I knew he was right."

"Sir." My voice is almost a moan. His eyes lift to mine. "I am sorry.."

"Faith.." The man's voice is gentle, too gentle I squint my eyes at him in confusion."It doesn't matter if you left voluntarily or by force. We still failed you."

Davis hangs his head as my mouth slips open.

"It's more than a job Faith. It's a family and yours let you down. We made you feel like you had no where to go. He puts his hand on my shoulder and I hold my breath to keep from sobbing. "We should have been there for you more."

* * *

"Officer Yokas?" It jars me hearing someone call me that again. I turn towards the IAB agent, his hand outstretched. "We've looked everything over and it all seems in order. You'll be required to take the 30 hours of re-certification training and the exam once a NYPD affiliated physician doctor has cleared you to do so."

"What?" I'm having a hard time following here, I look towards Davis for clarification but all he gives me is a big grin.

"Lieutenant we are recommending that officer Yokas receive a disciplinary action for not keeping the department aware of the status of her medical leave."

"Wait." I hold my hand up slowly. "The department spent an amazing amount of resources on trying to find me-."

"Officer Yokas the details of your medical leave did not specify that you were required to provide personal information such as your current address or location to the department. Your late husband was the one who reported you missing ma'am. The department was obligated by law to investigate. Any.. increased performance or resources were under the discretion of the department where the complaint was filed."

I blink back at him as he stops the rapid flow of jargon and hands me a file and a pen.

"Sign here please Ma'am." I take the pen a shakily sign Faith Yokas to the page. "Thank you." He looks up at Swertsky and mutters _Sir_ in protocol before leaving the room.

"So I'm guessing I should go ahead and start the transfer request to the 122?" My boss says softly, his eyebrow quirking up as I swivel my head towards him.

"Um.."

"You got like four months till Sam pulls the pin." Ty can't stop grinning. "You better get to work."

"I.."

Swertsky's arms are around me before I can really process what just happend.

"Welcome home Faith."


	35. Chapter 35

"They just said 'okay you're fine' and that was it?" Bosco watches me take slow bites of the egg roll he handed me from the bag. I glance at Ty who shakes his head slowly in disgust. I nod despite the way Davis' eyes slip shut when I lie. "You ready to go home?"

I nod again, he reaches his hand out to me and I look at Ty for a second.

"Where'd you park?"I whisper playing with his fingers.

"Two blocks." He tells me pursing his lips and shaking his head.

"Can you pull around?" I bite my lip and his eyebrows scrunch up.

"You okay?"

"Just tired."I smile at him, curling my fingers a little tighter. He nods, kissing my cheek as he backs up, reaching out for the Fungs bag. I snag another eggroll before giving it to him and he grins.

"You're not going to tell him?" Ty hisses when Bosco's sufficiently far enough away.

"Not tonight." I sigh. Rubbing my face with one hand and taking a bite of egg roll with the other.

"Yeah Faith.. waiting's a great idea." Ty raises an eyebrow. "He'll take it so much better that way."

"I don't know what I wanna do yet." I snap. "Okay Ty? Maybe I just want to think for one whole night before I talk to him about it."

"He's gonna want you back in that car with him Faith.." Ty whispers reassuringly like this is what I'm afraid of.

"I don't know if I want to be." I tell him, steeling my eyes on him until his head tilts to the side in that disappointed way of his. "And I think I need to be damn sure before I tell Bosco, don't you?"

"What ever Faith." He sighs, shaking his head. "Don't wait too long."

I watch him stand up and make his way to the door.

"Davis.." I call remorsefully. He turns around meeting my pleading gaze and dropping his eyes.

"It's your call." He tells me with a shake of his head. "Go home and eat your Fongs. You're too skinny to be a cop right now anyway."

My face twitches into a grin at his words, taking another bite of the egg roll before watching him walk towards the exit.

"Hey.. nite Ty." He pats him on the shoulder and I smile again.

"Nite Bosco." Davis grins.

"That was quick."

"Fast as ever. Lets go home."

I nod, standing up and meeting him in front of the door, he draws me closer and I smile, holding up the last bit of egg roll to him. He takes it, his lips drawing over my fingertips a little slower than necessary.

"What Swertsky say?" He asks, swallowing before kissing my lips.

"Welcome Home." I tell him softly. Bosco grins again and I run my fingers over his cheek. "I love you."

"You sure you're okay?"

I nod.

"Let's just go."

* * *

I blink my eyes in the dark, looking at Bosco's sleeping face. A radio car. 122.. Crap I don't even know his car. I let my eyes drift shut.

_What do you want to do?_

Damn endless options. Most people want options. Not me apparently.

_What do you want to do?_

I huff, turning to look at the ceiling. Would going back to the NYPD be a step backwards? I told Alan I was a cop.. what? Two weeks ago? Now I'm not so damn sure. What if I can't? What if I'm too old? Too slow? Too soft?

_What do you want to do?_

Boz sighs, and I turn back onto my side and press my hand against his chest. What if we fought? What if someone came between us again? I swallow hard, visions of Cruz dance behind my closed eyes. What if something happens?

What if I'm not there? My eyes flip open and I look at the thick line of scared skin beneath my hand. What if I don't go back and something happens? What if I do and something still happens?

I blink at him and he sighs again, moving his hand up to cover mine.

At least I'd be there.

I huff at my ever running mind and Bosco's hand tightens on my own.

"What's wrong?" He mummers, his head turning lazily towards me.

"Nothing."

"Faith.. don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Pretend nothings wrong."

"It's the same thing." I admit lazily, strumming my fingers across his chest.

"The control freak thing?" He asks surprised, his eyes slipping open.

"You're not helping."

"Why do you have to decide at.." He tilts his head up and looks at the clock. "Three thirty in the morning?"

"Because I can't." I moan. "Because I have no idea.."

"Do I have to remind you that nothing is an option?'

"Huh?"

"You don't have to do anything." He repeats. "You remind me like every ten seconds that you have more money than we need."

"You don't have to do anything either but you still go to work every day."

"Faith.." He sighs. "I don't want yo-."

"I know. I know.." I wave his argument away. "But if you did, would you still go out there everyday?"

"What?"

"Would you still work."

"I'm a cop Faith." He says softly, his eyes slipping towards me. "I.. don't know how to do anything else."

My lips part, but I don't have anything to say.

"If you could go back wouldn't ya?" He grins at me and I bite my lip hard. He presses my lip out of my mouth and runs his thumb over it wrinkling his eyebrows. "Faith.. what's this about?"

"I need to write the book." I whisper against his fingers.

"Okay.." He says in a confused whisper, replacing his fingers with his lips. I tuck my head under his chin and take a slow breath.

"I'll have to pretty much start over."

"Okay..?" He shook his head slowly.

"It's gonna take a lot of my time."

"Okay."

"The girls are nuts right now and Charlie-."

"Faith it'll be fine." His voice vibrates against my cheek. "You write the damn book, I'll worry about everything else."

* * *


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N_ Italic_ text is Faith's book. It is also slightly altered text from Payback and Monsters. so.. duhh.. it is not mine.**

* * *

She's in the kitchen when I get home, notebooks open, laptop closed and pushed to the far end of the table. That's not good.

From what I've learned in the last two weeks about Writer Faith, this is very bad.

"Hey." I say lightly, moving to put my gun away. She turns and looks at me and I bite back the urge to ask her what's wrong.

I know better. The last time I did that she tore me a new one. So I try to ignore her red rimmed eyes.

"Hi." She says shortly standing up and making her way into the living room. I probably shouldn't ask how her day was.

I know I can't ask about the book. I press my lips together, searching for a neutral topic.

"Where are the kids?" I say softly, joining her on the couch.

"Em and Angela are sleeping at Julie's and Charlie's asleep." She presses her hands together.

Ah.. A window.

"Yeah?" I say smoothly, turning my head to look at her and turning on the Boscorelli charm. "So it's just us?"

"Are you kidding me?" She snorts at me in disgust before pushing off the couch.

_Okay_, maybe I was wrong, maybe it's not the book.

"What did I do?" I follow her back into the kitchen and she pushes the notebook as far away as she can get it.

"Nothing." She snaps.

"Then it is the book?"

"Yeah, Boz it's the book." She yells back.

"See now when you say it like that I have a hard time believing you." I smirk.

"Bosco!" She bawls her eyes shut and tosses her pen in the direction of the notebook and something dawns on me. "You just can't let it go can you? God you can't ever let anything go!"

"You're mad at me for something I did in the book." I realize, the right side of my face lifting into a smirk.

She sighs, her eye lids unwrinkled but not opening. I watch her tongue wet her bottom lip. _Bingo._

"Faith?" I try not to laugh at her. "Faith are you mad at me for something I did in the book?"

She snorts, grabbing her laptop and notebook and making her way towards Angela's bedroom.

"You know you should probably be mad at yourself right?" I yell after her, grinning a little when the door slams shut.

* * *

"Faith?" I roll over in the dark when she opens the door, my eyes straining at the small beam of light behind her. "What time is it?" Her answer is a sniff and that's when I realize she's crying. "What's wrong?"

She says nothing. I sit up, pulling the blanket off her side of the bed and opening my arms. She drops into them, her tears becoming sobs.

"What's wrong?" I ask again, wiping the damp hair back. She shakes her head, bringing her hands up to touch my face, running her hands over my cheek and down the side of my throat. "Is it the book again?" My voice come out as a squeak. I hate it when she cries. She sobs harder and I take that as a yes, pulling her body flush to mine. "It's okay." I whisper softly. "It's not real."

"Tell me again." She whispers, her voice harsh and ragged.

"It's not real." I repeat before her lips press tightly into mine. "Mmm. Baby, it's not real." She slides her hand across my chest, her hand sculpting across my abs. I press my forehead to hers. "Want me to make it go away?" I ask her sucking her pouty lover lip in between my teeth.

She squeaks as she nods at me, her hands coming back to my face. I kiss her hard, as she kicks out of her sweat pants, before untying the draw stings of my pants and shoving them down to my hips.

Long after I've pinned her to the mattress, long after we've both given and taken as much as we could, a thought would float across my mind.

She'd never told me what happened in the book. I wouldn't think of it again until two weeks later with my toothbrush hanging out of my mouth.

* * *

"Why can't I read what you have so far?" I ask shrugging my shoulders. She licks her teeth, looking past me.

"I don't know." She shakes her head. I try to catch her eyes.

"Come on Faith. It's not like I'm not familiar with your work." I smirk. "I'm you're number one fan.."

She smiles at me quickly before it fades away just as fast.

"It's different Boz." She warns.

"What the all decide to leave the force and teach ballet in Harlem?"

"No." She giggles, eying me.

"Are you picturing me doing ballet?"

"Uh Huh.." She grins harder.

"So is that a yes?" Her face drops.

"Boz.."

"Faaaith stop!" I stick out my hand. "Give it to me."

She bites her lip and I know I've won, watching her cautiously dropping the binded stack of papers into my hand.

* * *

_"How are you doing?" Jack leaned forward, stuffing his hands in his pockets._

_"I'm okay Holleran." Assurlo nods. _

_"Martha doing okay?"_

_"Martha's getting by." Vince looked off over his former friends shoulder. "Mother's shouldn't outlive there kids." Jack's head dropped towards the ground, kicking a stick away from him. This was hard. "That was nice...it was nice you calling."_

_"Yeah. And next time before I push the knife in? Remind me I'm just gonna have to change the damn tire." He swallowed hard. "So he made it all the way to central booking alive?" _

_"Yeah. Not a scratch." The man nodded and Jack blinked._

_"Not sure I could have been so sane." _

_"Won't bring Shane back." Vince's Adam's-apple bobs when he mentions his son's name. "So, I guess I'll see you, huh?  
_

_"Vin?" Even he's surprised when he calls after him. "You want to get a beer or something?  
_

_"Would you be asking me that if it was Tuesday?" Jack sucked his cheek into his mouth and kicked at the stick again. "Lets pretend it's Tuesday."_

_By the time Jack looked up, Assurlo was half way back to the house.  
_

_"You didn't deserve what happened to you." Jack called after him. "You're family didn't. Shane didn't." _

_ Vince stopped for a second, looking down before nodding and starting off again._

"Wouldn't have done that!" I yell into the kitchen.

"Boz are you going to do this every chapter?"She yells back. I huff, walking down the hall, the book dangling open in my hand.

"The guy sexually harassed you." I shake my head in frustration. "He almost got you thrown off the job."

"You didn't believe me when-." She stops, her mouth zipping into a line before taking a breath. "_Jack_ didn't believe _Mary-Alice_."

"But he knows now. He knows.." I stop, my mouth falling open. "He's Cruz."

Faith smiles softly.

"Oh my God. Vince is Cruz! You made her a man." I shake my head. It took me two books to realize it was Cruz.

Her smile grows.

"You are.." I can't help it. I lean forward and kiss her. ".. so smart."

"Stop." She shoves me away, her smile never fading.

"I wouldn't have made nice with her." I assure her my eyes serious. "Not after what she did."

"You might have." She bites her lip and an old ache settles into my chest.

"They guys kid dies and I'm supposed to think he's good now? One personal crisis doesn't make up for the rest of it." There's no way. "There's nothing that coulda happened to her that would have changed the way I felt about her."

"Go read." She mutters.

"This is good."

"Okay." She rolls her eyes.

"It's the best one."

"Okay."

* * *

_"Son of a bitch. Hurt my whole team trying to get to me, except Yoshi." Vince Assurlo moved forward his head shaking as he raked back through his dirty hair._

_"Yoshi's all right?" Jada turned on her heals and looked at the Sargent. Vince made a face, suddenly concerned._

_"Yoshi didn't get hurt at the wake?" Assurlo swallowed hard._

_"I don't remember seeing Yoshi at the wake." Officer Timms mumbled, her eyes never leaving the Sargent._

_"Yeah, me neither." Mary-Alice's eyes squinted together, trying to put it all in the right places, make it all make sense._

_"Yoshi wasn't there?" Vince's eyes met hers for a second, their mutual hatred forgotten in a moment of understanding._

_"Oh, who cares about Yoshi?! What are we gonna do about this son-of-a-bitch Mann? That's what I wanna know." Jacks voice made his partner jump, his hands flopped down to his sides and she fought the urge to tell him to sit. They didn't need to fight right now. He didn't need that._

_Assurlo dropped into a chair next to Timms, the younger officer looked around the room slowly._

_**"**We're gonna be smart. We're gonna find out all the information Laura had on him. We're gonna start locking people up one by one until someone gives him to us. You don't go to war with the New York City Police Department." Vince's voice dripped with a disgust that still made Mary-Alice sick. She glanced at Jack, he pinched the bridge of his nose tightly between his thumb and forefinger. She didn't know how much more of this he could take. She pushed her hand through her hair and scrubbed it back down her damp face. _

_That's when something caught her eye, something not right. Something very.. shit.  
_

_"Hey, guys..." _

_That's when all hell broke loose and Officer Mary Alice Price's world shattered around her._

* * *


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: One little line based on text from More Monsters.**

* * *

I'm listening for it when the strangled noise comes from the bathroom, if not I would have missed it. I've been following him around now for twenty minutes trying to gauge where he was in the book. I hear the tube of toothpaste thud to the ground and I bite my lip and wait.

He's standing in the door way starring at me. His toothbrush stuck firmly between his teeth. He holds the book out towards me like I need to be reminded of what happened. I see the image I created every time I close my eyes.

"You shot me." He accuses his voice mangled by his tooth brush, eying the page again. "You_ freaking_ shot me."

"It's not you." I whisper feebly, he scoffs, his head tossing back as his eyes roll.

"Oh please. They hell it's not. You shot me."

I run the sharp edge of my teeth gently over my lip, he pulls out his tooth brush and goes back into the bathroom.

"Oaha.." He moans, his voice rising back towards me in waves. "In the face? Really Faith? It had to be in the face?"

I ponder the idea of trying to explain the fierce independence of a story. I could tell him how they write themselves, pouring out of you like you have no control at all. I decide it's pointless, he'd never understand. Hell half the time I don't understand.

"Am I dying?" He whines, and if it wasn't so damn traumatic I'd be laughing at him right now. "Awhh.. Christ I'm dyin'!"

I roll my own eyes at that point, sliding off the bed and standing in the door way of the bathroom. He's sitting on the lid of the toilet, the but of his right hand pressed against his forehead and his left clutching the pages.

"Jack is dying." I whisper, adding a little reality of the moment. Even though the cloud that had long surrounded my characters face has long since lifted and he does in fact share the same features as my partner, I refuse to fully admit that Jack and Boz are one in the same.

"Stop saying that." He mutters, skimming his toothbrush along the words. I start forward prying it from his grasp, rinsing it and returning it to the cup by the sink. His eyes are moving feverishly across the page when I look back. "Christ I'm bleeding all over damn place."

"Boz.." I let my hand slip to his cheek and he pulls it away but doesn't let go. He traces my wrist with his thumb, I smooth my own thumb across his crinkled eyebrow. "Bosco take a break."

He shakes his head, dropping my hand slowly to my side his eyes never leaving my carefully typed sentences.

"I'll be in bed naked if you need anything." I tell him, my voice monotone.

He doesn't budge when I pull my shirt over my head and unhook my bra.

I don't know weather to be insulted or proud.

* * *

My dreams are full of my characters morphing into their inspired counterparts.

Mary Alice's niece becomes my daughter. Jack's overbearing life-worn ex wife becomes Rose. Vince and Cruz dance until they twirl together becoming one person. Jada Timms grows and becomes Ty Davis. Hannah Fredricks comically turns into Sully with lipstick.

All while Bosco and I sit in Mary Alice and Jack's uniforms on the hood of 55-David. He smiles at me, carefully putting a piece of my hair back into place behind my ear.

I look at him until the look becomes sad.

"What?" I whisper, my eyes opening slowly to reveal his actual face pressed into the pillow next to me. He plays with the piece of hair he tucked in the dream."Boz?"

I look down at the rumpled manuscript between us.

"Promise me." He tells me softly, his eyes glistening. "That you'd never do that." I open my mouth to ask but he keeps on talking. "You'd never risk everything like that. You'd never put yourself through that."

The scene in question pops into my head, a roof top.. Assurlo/Cruz dripping wet, their face inches from mine.

_"Tell me what happened here. He pulled a knife.. you shot him.. Say it! Price! You have to say it!"_

"Boz." I shake my head, he stops me, pressing his finger into my lips.

"It doesn't matter what happens to me as long as your safe. Don't you know that?" He pulls his finger back and kisses me softly. "You have to know that."

* * *

He's asleep when I get up the next morning and I leave him a note before hurrying to the breakfast joint a few blocks from his precinct house.

"I was surprised." Sam says with a grin as I join him at the table. "You calling.."

"I know. Thank you.. for meeting me." He nods and look over his shoulder for a second.

"Was there a reason?" He asks me gently. "Or did you just want to get away from Maurice for a little while?"

I can't help but laugh.

"Cause I know that feeling.."

"I'm sure you do." I raise my eyebrows at him. "Sam.. I'm.." I've yet to say the words out loud and I don't know if I can. I touch the table top, looking at the shiny Formica before changing tactics. "I need to ask you a favor."

"Well.." He gestures in a way that makes me wonder if he already knows what I want to ask him."I guess you better go on and do it then."

"I understand if you can't.. but I was hoping.." I bite my lip. "I was hoping you'd delay your retirement." His eyebrow quirks up in surprise. "Not for long, just three months... I-." I rub my face. "By.. by that time Angela will be at NYU and Emily and Charlie will be back in school.. the book will be off to publishing and I'll have had time.. "

"Time?"

"To take the 30 hours." I nod. "The re-cert." A look of slow understanding comes over his face. "I'm coming back."

* * *

She scares me more than Sam Gilliard. I stand out side her office, watching her talk to her Sargent before nodding. He opens the door and smiles curtly at me, holding the door open with a nod for me to go ahead.

Lieutenant Harrion.." I smile at her, and she gestures for me to sit. "I'll stand."

"Suit yourself."

"I'm assuming you've received my paperwork?"

"I have." Her voice is flat. I reconsider sitting down.

"I just wanted to.." I press my lips together and look at her. "I.."

"We can be frank." She sighs. "Will that help you stop sputtering?"

I try not to flinch. I dig down deep reminding myself I'm a cop. A tough, street wise experienced NYC cop.

"Yes Ma'am I think it might." I steel my gaze at her. "I understand that personal issues here have given you preconceived notions about who I am and I just wanted to ask you to look at my record. Look at my history. See the kind of officer I am and judge me on my merit."

"You're assuming I would be judging you personally?"

"I'm assuming it would be difficult not to." I counter, letting out a steady breath.

"Are you arguing that part of the record isn't that you left for five years without saying anything?"

"The details of my medical leave did not specify that I was required to update personal information." I spit back.

"Wow." She raises her eyebrows.

"Yeah." I sigh. "That's pretty much what I said."

"We should cut the crap." She sighs back dropping into her own chair and nodding at me. "Don't you think we should cut the crap?"

"Lieutenant?"

"You hurt my friend." Katie says bluntly. I force down the feeling of jealousy that reverberates through my body.

"He's forgiven me." I point out.

"He's in love." She shrugs.

"So am I." I whisper.

"People in love are stupid." She shakes her head. "They do things that aren't in there best interest. "

"The 120 has spots for both of us." I tell her boldly. "I had a friend check. They'd take us in a minute."

"Bosco won't-."

"Honestly Lieutenant with all due respect, I would bet anything I know what Bosco would do better than you." I hold her eyes, letting the certainty of the strength of our relationship show.

We play chicken. She flinches first.

"You come highly recommended."

"Thank you." I try not to sound smug.

"I trust you'll do excellent in the re-certification class?"

"Yes Ma'am." I try to steady my breath.

"And your personal relationship won't interfere with your partnership?" She raises and eyebrow at me.

"It never has before." I can't help but smile and Katie surprises me when she smiles back.

"I.." She looks at her desk before standing straighter. "I do look forward to getting to know you better Officer Yokas."

"I'd like that Ma'am." I say softly as she nods towards the door in dismissal.

I stand in the lobby for a moment, knowing I have one more person's permission to ask.


	38. Chapter 38

**Again.. _Italics _is Faith's book. Scenes are rewritten from "Revelations".. (or as I like to call it the end of life as we know it on third watch).**

* * *

_"I'm not gonna sit behind a desk for the rest of my life. It's not gonna happen. So I'm asking you." He managed to keep his voice steady even though his legs were not. He lowered himself to the coffee table, still amazed by how easily she said no. It's never been easy for her to say no to him. "Everything that we've been through together..."_

_Mary Alice couldn't breath, she could only stare at him in stunned silence, he leaned forward a little shoulders slumping in remorse. She couldn't, not after everything. Not after everything he's been through. __Not after everything she's done.__ She can't risk this.  
_

_"You're not thinking straight." The words finally came, in a whisper. She leaned forward towards him. "I'm gonna tell you right now," She pressed her eyes in to his, begging him to take her word for this. "You do not wanna do this."_

_"It's all I got. If I don't get back on, what am I supposed to do?" This was where she was supposed to tell him. This is the opening she'd waited for all these years. This is when she was supposed to look at him and tell him it's not all he has. _

_He has her._

_But she can't and she doesn't know why._

_"There are plenty of jobs that you can do down at the department." It sounded ridiculous, even to her. She sat back, swallowing hard and clutching her knee to her chest.  
_

_"No. I need to be in the radio car, answering calls." He had forced the words out before he accidentally said 'our radio car' like he wanted to. He squinted his eyes in an effort not to break down. He wouldn't break down, not now. Not after how easily she said no. "It's what I do. It's what I'm good at." His eyes begged her to tell him something different. To tell him there is something else, but her gaze is blank. "It's what I do!"_

_  
"I can't help you." She heard the sharpness in her voice, the lack of anything other than conviction and it surprised her. _

_Then she remembered why. She remembered him lifeless on the floor; the rhythmic movement of his vented chest, each echo of the bullets she pumped into Mann leaving the clip. She saw the cold fury in Finney's eyes when she confessed that it was her. It was her.  
_

_"I saved your life that night.." Her eyes shot up to his and she held them there. They never talk about that night. She didn't think they ever would. "And you won't do this for me?" Tears stung the corners of her eyes refusing to jump. She wanted to explain. She wanted to tell him. About him on the floor and Mann on the roof . "You're gonna sit there and you're gonna look at me and you're gonna tell me that you won't shoot a damn target?!"_

_He made it sound so simple. Like that was all it was about, like he'd be fine out there if she would just do this one thing. Like all the rest of it would just fall into place. Vision or not. Aim or not. Like he'd be fine out there without her to watch over him. _

_"Of all the people I thought that I c--- I could come to you." His anger built, spilling out over the words and onto her living room floor. The small space between them filled like a river and she knew nothing would ever be the same again._

_"Jack, that is not fair." She whispered, wishing her voice still calmed him; wishing she could undo the damage done, that she could still reach out and pull him to her and make it all go away.  
_

_"To hell with you." His head shook as he looked at the floor and into her imaginary river. _

_  
"Jack." She called again as he swung towards the door and out of it before she had a chance to think of what came next. _

_"No, to hell with you!"_

_  
"Jack." Her voice was frantic now. She knew if the door closed it was over. Fifteen years gone in one badly staged dramatic act. "Jack, please don't do this."_

_The look he gave her as the door slammed shut is what finally brought the tears to her cheeks. _

* * *

I want to call her.

Sam looks over at me again and I wonder how I must look, my jaw clenched, fingers clawed around the pages.

I need to call her and tell her I'd never say those things. I'd never ask her that.

_"122-Adam respond to a 10-66 at Horang and Benson."_

Well, I'd never ask her that **again**, anyway. And that's not even what I asked her. I asked to shoot for her.. not have her shoot for.. awh crap. I have to call her.

"How you doing over there Shakespeare?" Sam mutters softly. He's been acting weird all night. I've been Romeo, Hamlet and now Shakespeare himself.

"Fine." I shoot back absently.

I would totally ask her. Hell, I'd probably have said those things. I need to call her.

"How 'bout you pick up our call then?" Sam nods to the radio and I realize I just sat there though a call.

"Oh.. I.." I grapple toward the radio but Sam just shakes his head and grabs his.

" Copy central 10-66 at Horang and Benson..122-Adam responding." He turns his eyes lazily towards me as I flip on the siren. "Lot on your mind?"

"It's her stupid book." I huff.

"It's not good?"

"No." I didn't mean to shout that. I really didn't. "It's too good. It's.. too.. " I shake my head at him. "Possible."

"Possible..?"

"It's like an alternate reality." I blow air from my lips. "What could have happened."

"Humm." He scans the intersection before spotting the man who must be our suspicious character. "It's Bernie."

I roll my eyes as he flashes our brights on him and the old man waves at us enthusiastically.

"It's bad? The alternate reality?"

"It makes me feel like I owe her an apology." I admit. "All the time."

I take a breath as Sam rolls down my window as he pulls up along side and puts the cruiser in park.

"Hey Bernie."

"Officer Maurice!" He yells back drunkenly.

"You told me last time you'd take a cab home from Poker from now on." I remind him. "You scare the little old ladies that live in these houses Bernie."

I point at the condos sweeping my fingers over to the small cluster of single families to the right.

"Awh.." Bernie moans shaking his head like it's ridiculous. I hear Sam open his door and get out.

"Besides.. you're going the wrong way." I chuck my thumb South. "You live back there Bernie."

He gazes down the street and then back up it in confusion.

"Get in Bernie." Sam sighs.

"You arestin' me Sam?"

"Nah.. We're taken you home before Franny gets worried and calls to report you missin' again." I sigh, rolling my eyes.

"Aahh.. Franchescha my one true love!" Bernie sings, as Sam pulls him to the car.

"Watch your head buddy." My partner tucks him in.

"When you are luck enough to find your one true love.. never let her go!!" He bellows. "Right Sam?"

"Right Bernie." Sam says back. "Bernie, true love has my man Maurice here wanting to apologize for things he_ might_ have done given the chance."

"Is she worth it?" Bernie asks me, his glazed eyes glistening.

"Yeah." I admit. "She's good for it."

"Then apologize!" He smiles at me romantically. "Again and again and again.."

Sam gives me a quirky grin, shrugging his shoulder at me. I can't help but smile.

* * *

I hate coming home to a dark house. I really needed her to be awake tonight too.

After the whole thing with the book and Bernie and Sam acting like a weirdo all night I really just wanted to talk to her. Apologize to her for being a dick. In the past and in the book. Mostly in the book.

Next thing I know I'm stumbling over something someone left in the middle of the living room. I drop my eyes to the offender and find one standard issue black uniform shoe size seven. I hold it in my hands for a minute wondering where the hell she went that she needed to pull this thing out of storage. I look down and find it's mate a few feet away. I pick them both up and leave them against the kitchen wall before spotting a blue uniform shirt lying in the hallway next to two ankle length black cotton socks she used to like to wear on patrol even though they're illegal. I hold it in my hands wincing at the smell of storage before grinning as I see the pants a few feet away in front of our bedroom door. Either she's cheating on me with a cop that moonlights in a mothball factory, or we're playing a game. I rap my knuckles against the door and hear her jump in surprise on the other side.

"Yes?" She calls in a way that makes me smile even wider.

"Police." I say firmly. "Can you come to the door please Ma'am?"

"Is there a problem officer?" She asks, cracking the door open to reveal her in one of my NYPD tanks and a pair of blue panties.

I struggle to keep my face serious.

"I'm afraid so Ma'am." I hold the pair of pants up to her and she grins. "Do you have any information on the officer that belongs to these?"

"I may be able to help you get them back." She tells me her arms snaking around my neck and kissing me firmly. "If that's what you want."

"It's not a matter of want ma'am. It'd my duty as a police officer."

"You're duty?" She kissed my throat, her hands skimming over my shoulders.

"You better be careful.." I murmer. "My partner's.. insanely jealous..She's killed for me before, she'd do it again."

"She's your partner huh?"

I put my hands on the side of her face and pull her head back to look at her.

"She'll always be my partner." I tell her, kissing her again."Even if I'm a real jerk sometimes."

"She loves you anyway right?"

"She better." I breath, closing my eyes. I drop my head against hers and she twirls her fingers rhythmically in her hair.

"You tired?" She asks softly. I nod, planting a kiss on her neck.

"A little."

"Too tired for your surprise?"

"This isn't enough of a surprise?" She leans back and looks at me.

"Boz, this is small potatoes." She tells me seriously pulling me to the bed. I watch her slide her shoulders against the headboard before slipping in next to her and laying my head on her side. She plays with my hair before reaching her hand across the bed and grabbing a sheet of paper. I look at the letter head.

"My surprise is a continuing education class at 1PP?" I ask warily.

"Read it." She coaxes. I look at it more carefully.

_Recertification for inactive veteran officers P465. _I twist my head around to look at her face and she bites her lip and hands me another piece of paper with the letterhead of the 55.

Officer Transfer request, my eyes skim to her name on the top line. Faith C. Yokas. I look at the header, my lips parting when I see Katie's address and my prescient number. Swertsky's signature ends the page.

We stare at each other for a minute.

"Are you sure?" I whisper as she nods slowly.

"She approved it this morning." Faith brushes her hand across my forehead. "Sam said he's stay on three more months, until I finished the class.." She holds up the first paper.

"They.. I thought they.." She shakes her head.

"They reinstated me." She blinks. "I didn't tell you right away cause I needed to think. I.. just wanted to be sure before I told you."

I watch the tears slide down her cheeks as she speaks, her face cracking into a smile. "I wanted to be sure that it would work... with everyone.. that we could really pull this off. Then I just wanted to surprise you." I sit up facing her and blink slowly. "If it's what you want."

"It's.." I stare at her, my mouth opening and closing like a suffocating fish. I have no idea if it's what I want or not.


	39. Chapter 39

**Again.. _Italics _is Faith's book. Scene is rewritten from " Goodbye to Camelot".. (or as I like to call it- so much for my crappy ending).**

* * *

"I don't know what to say." He whispers finally. I shake my head at him.

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"I just.. it's a lot to think about." He rubs his hands against his knees. "I'm.. maybe I was too tired.."

"Are you kidding me?" I smirk. "I thought you'd be.. You don't want this?"

"Faith.." He sighs rubbing his hands over his face. "Come on.. lets just talk about this tomorrow.."

"Excuse me?" My voice is harsh, his eyes squint together tightly before he stands up and makes his way to the bathroom."Boz!"

"What?" He suddenly sounds exhausted, his arms swinging down to his sides.

"Talk about it tomorrow?"

"You've known two weeks. I don't get one night?!" He shoots back, guilting in to momentary silence. He shakes his head, closing the bathroom door behind him. My mouth slips open as I try to figure out how I misread this so badly.

"You're upset because I waited to tell you?" I whisper a few minutes later when the door opens again.

"No." He tells me curtly, laying on his back with his hands covering his face.

"Then what?" I try to bite back the irritation, but I can see the muscles in his jaw tense and I know I failed.

"I'm tired Faith."

"You can't just.." I shake my head realizing he absolutely can and it appears he's going to. The silence in the room grows. "I thought you'd be happy.."

I'm surprised when my voice doesn't sound hurt, or even sad. Just shocked.

"You know where I got today? What part?" It takes me a minute before I realize what he's talking about. "When he asks her to shoot for him." He drops his hands away, starring at the ceiling. "The angry river of words between them.. that was.." He grins a little in-spite of himself. "You paint these pictures and I can see them so damn clearly. Cause it's us. It's the way we are.. how we talk.. how we fight. Damn Faith I.."

"They're not us." I plea weakly.

"Stop saying that." His voice cracks and I feel the familiar pressure of my teeth closing around my lip. "It is."

"I wouldn't have let you leave that way.."

"She's tired." He tells me softly. "Tired of chasing after him and making it better.." He turns and looks at me. "Tired of reigning him in.."

"This is about the book?" I struggle to understand ignoring the hazy feeling in the back of my mind that tells me I don't want to.

"Damn it Faith it's not the book." He hisses. "It's us."

"We're fine."

"Exactly." He shakes his head.

"I don't understand."

"Things weren't good with us Faith." He says softly. "Things hadn't been good for a long time."

"Bosco-."

"I just.." He holds his hand up to me, his eyes shutting slowly. "I can't do this right now."

I nod because it's all I can really do.

I don't remember falling asleep, but I guess I did when wake up to the shower running. I squint against the light when my eyes open and fall on the stupid book, open face down on the bed.

* * *

_"I'm not that person, Jack." Vince looked at him and for the second time he wondered why the hell he was here at all. Then he remembers, smoke, fire, explosives in his station house. His House. _

_"What?" He breathed, trying not to think about where they were going. With Vinny I couldn't be good and he knows it. _

_  
"A talk-first person. It's weakness." He shook his head. "Remember Donny Martello? From the old neighborhood?"_

_"The tattle tale?" Jack squinted his eyes in an attempt to clear his head. _

_"He was weak. No one respects weakness."_

_"Vin where are we going?" He eyed the landscape cautiously. _

_"Even tried religion. Can you believe that? Me, lighting candles and chanting. Crazy." Assurlo snorted at himself in disgust.  
_

_"Not really. Can't." Jack swallowed hard. "You used to steal money out of the collection plate." _

_"So I channeled my energy into something productive. I spent two years figuring out who did what to who.." Vince growled. "I never thought they'd retaliate against the house. Me maybe.. but not the whole damn precinct."_

_"You...?"  
_

_Vince pulled up at the warehouse, looking around for a minute before he eyed his friend. _

_"Not expecting one person."_

_"One?" Jack tried to clear his head. The long night had finally caught up to him. Mary Alice crying when he asked her why. The locker room exploding..  
_

_"This guy _ordered _a hit on my ten year old son." _

_"So you're going in alone?"  
_

_"Yeah. You got your phone?"_

_"Yeah..."_

_"What I want you to do is...is watch for the right time and then call for backup."_

_"How am I gonna know when you're ready?" He looked closely at the man next to him. The man who he'd known since he was seven years old. He suddenly looked like a stranger.  
_

_"You'll know."  
_

_ "Are you sure about this?" Vince swallowed hard. _

_"There's no one I'd rather have backing me up."

* * *

  
_

It was Cruz this time. When I wrote it I pictured her instead of Vince Assurlo. I always knew he was based on her, a strange mix of Mikey, Jason Christopher and her anyway.

The clock says four am. I look back at the bathroom door.

The first time I read the scene over I pictured her pressing her lips to his mouth before she spoke her last line and I hated her for something I'd made her do. I'd been pretty pissed at him too. I try not to imagine what he thinks or who he gets pissed at but it suddenly dawns on me anyway.

_Things weren't good with us_.. his words from earlier. I dissect them in my head for a few minutes before slipping into the bedroom. Things weren't good then. He'd lied. He'd basically cheated in a partners sense of the word anyway. He'd chosen her and I'd payed the price. I'd told him to go away. I'd told him I was done with him.

I yank the shirt over my head and step out of the underwear before stepping into the shower behind him. He jumps a little when I do, his forehead resting against his forearm, propped against the tiled wall. I slide my arms around him laying my cheek against the nape of his neck.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, letting one hand creep up and caress his jaw. He pressed his face against my palm before turning around in my embrace and pulling me tightly in.

"For what?" He murmured, nuzzling deeper into my comfort.

"The book." I tell him softly. "For not thinking about how hard it must be for you to read."

"It's good." He shakes his head at me.

"It's not real." I remind him. "You didn't say those things. You didn't do any of those things."

"I could have." He tells me, his eyes heavy with the burden.

"Stop it." I lift my mouth to his pressing as deep as I can into him. He clutches at my neck with one hand, the other still anchoring our bodies together.

"I need you." He tells me darkly.

"Come to bed." His head shakes.

"Here." He mutters backing me up against the wall.

I am far to wrapped up in him to argue.

* * *

"What if it doesn't work? What if we can't get it back?" He whispers, exhaustion seeping out of him. I smooth back wet curls from his forehead as it rises and falls on my chest as I breath.

"It will. We will."

"What if you remember you can't stand me?" He breaths. I chuckle, lifting up enough to kiss his forehead.

"What if I promise that I'll never get tired of chasing after you and making it better?"

"Promise?" His grip on consciousness is slipping away fast.

"Promise." I answer lightly, my fingers still tracing the damp path through his locks as he sighs in response.

"Kay.." His lips barely move with the word.


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N I loved this story. As for the end.. goofy I know.. but I had to do it. :) Sorry. Thanks for the reviews. **

* * *

_"You think it's gonna feel like it always did?" Mary Alice lowered her eyes. She wished they were sitting down. She wished that she could find a way to touch him. To break him. She knew if she could break him she could have use the pieces to put them back together again. Instead she plastered on a fake smile and made chit chat.  
_

"_No_." _Jack grinned at her in a way that said I'm over you. She twisted her fingers together and wished that she could take her words back. Take her betrayal back. Take the last two years back. His eyes crinkled and she thought for a second she could read them. She thought for a second he caught her desperation. "What else am I going to say, humm?" He took a breath, nodding his head. She could hear him in her head. **'I'm over you. I'll never forgive you and nothing will ever be right again.' ** He nodded again, the smile returning as he picks up his patrol book and points it at her. "I'll see you out there." _

_"Goodbye." Mary Alice whispered, staring down the hall long after he'd disappeared down the stairs.

* * *

_

I stared at the last page for a long time before closing the book and turning my stare to the wall.

When I do turn around, she's looking at me with sympathetic eyes, her teeth stuck firmly between her teeth. Just the way I pictured Mary Alice as she watched Jack walk away.

_Walk away._

"You can't leave them like this." I shake my head at her.

"I have to."

"You don't have to.' I shake my head frantically. "You have to fix it."

"I can't fix it, Boz." She presses her lips together. "They've been through too much. I can't fix it."

"They've been through too much for him to just walk away!" I drop to the edge of the bed and she crawls over to me.

"Honey.." She grins. "You said _they_."

"Faith.." I groan, swiping her away as she tries to wrap her arms around me. "You have to rewrite this."

"Boz." She sighs, running her fingers across my face. "It's done. I sent it today. It's over."

I must look crushed because she looks at me with motherly concern.

"It's not us." She reminds me and I nod slowly.

"It's still not fair."I lean my head against her face and she kisses my eyebrow.

"I _could_ write a new ending.." She whispers. "Just for us."

"Yeah?"

"A happy ending.." She grins. "Where she chases him down the hall, pins him against the wall and kisses the hell out of him.."

"And he pushes back.. " I whisper. "Not right away.. but you know.. after a few minutes.."

"Of course." She tells me seriously. "Then?"

"Then he's like _'what the hell was that?_'"

"_'Something else to say._' She says."

_"_He grins at her_._"I whisper.

"And kisses her again?" She smiles back and me and I can't help but actually kiss her.

"Let's get married." I whisper before I completely loose the moment.

"She says yes." She nods, giggling a little, still lost in the story.

"No.. Faith.." I shake my head, turning on the bed and meeting her sparkling eyes. "Marry me. I wanna get married."

"Bosco.."

"Marry me?"

Her lips part softly and I watch the tears glaze and fill her eyes before she nods, almost imperceptibly. _Almost_.

* * *

Six months later

_(Staten Island side of the Verrazano Narrows Bridge)_

"You okay?" I jump on my wife when she comes out of the restaurant bathroom, trying to stop smirking.

"Yeah." Faith whispers softly, tugging at the top button of her uniform blouse. "It was just that smell.."

"Are you sure? Because we have Em's thing tonight and she's going to be so pissed if you skip."

"I'm not gonna skip." She huffs, reaching out and taking her soda back from me. "It's just been a long time since I've been puked on by a drunken homeless man."

"Welcome home, Baby." I tell her huskily. She tries to roll her eyes but she can't help but smile at me.

"I'm worth over 4 million dollars Bosco and I have bum barf on my shoes." She sighs.

"And you love it." I wink at her.

_"122-Adam respond to an MVA with injuries at Vilia and Court."_

"10-4 Central Vilia and Court 55- Da" She presses her lips together and shoots me an annoyed look. "122-Adam responding." She yanks her hand back from the radio and stares at me angrily. "Damn it!"

"You'll get used to it." I tell her as she yanks the passenger side door open, gagging at the smell.

"Will I get used to that?" She whimpers, pressing her hand against her stomach.

"When'd you become such a wimp?"

"You gonna drive or no?" She growled.

I don't think I've stopped smiling since she came back to work last month and I'm pretty sure I won't be stopping any time soon.

* * *

"Wait wait.. no it's the one right under your thumb."Charlie mumbled, pushing Angela's finger off of the telephoto button and back to record.

"Stop." She hissed. "I'll never learn if you keep doing it."

"If I don't keep doing it, it won't record!"

"Kids." My Ma whispers her eyes narrowing at them. "Your sister's up next."

"Angie's gonna miss the whole dumb thing cause she doesn't listen." Charlie huffs.

"Maybe if you would talk a little nicer.." Angela's voice rose at the end.

"Oh my god." Faith whispers.

"Maybe if you weren't so sensitive.." Charlie shot back.

"Guys come on!" I plead.

"I'm trying to help her!"

"He just wants to do it himself!"

"Oh my god." She repeats.

I look at Faith, she's been staring at the calendar on back of her check book since she wrote down the money I got out of the ATM.

"Will you two shut up I'm about to freaking dance here!" Came a loud whisper from off stage.

"Do you want it on tape or not!" Charlie shot back.

"Are you gonna say anything?" I huff turning back to look at her.

"I''m pregnant." She whispers airily.

_Huh?_

I blink at her.

"What?"

She turns her checkbook to me, pointing her pen at the circled weeks.

"I. AM. PREGNANT."

"You're what?" Ma whispers loudly.

"Quick! Chuck, am I pressing the right button now?" Angela whispers to Charlie.

"Yeah.. zoom in on Dad's face." He whispers back.

"How are you pregnant?" I gawk.

"Sex, Dad. She's pregnant from all the sex!" Emily's awkward stage whisper hits my ears and I can't help but grin. "Can I freaking dance now?!"

The music starts unnecessarily loud and a slow smile breaks out across my face.

"Are you okay with this?" Faith squeaks as I start laughing.

"Are you?!" I laugh quietly, stealing a glance at Emily as she tiptoes across the stage.

"I'm.." Her eyes widen as she turns to watch Em before looking back at me. "Pregnant."

A wide smile breaks out across my face and I reach over and kiss her.

"Just so you know Maurice that's the kinda stuff the gets you pregnant." My mother whispers to me when I settle back into my seat.

"We're gonna run with this." I grin.

"Yeah?" She grins back.

"Yeah."


End file.
